Insight

How To Make Friends

Special needs advocate gives concrete advice on helping
learning disabled children cope with other kids.

because brain disorders continue 24 hours a day, many
people with learning disabilities never reach the deep levels
of sleep needed to function at top levels while awake.
Human beings go through thousands of social interac-
ne of the most devastating experiences for par-
tions every day, Lavoie said, often with complete strangers.
ents is seeing their child ostracized and bullied
These may be as routine as waiting on line or as complex
— and feeling helpless to do anything about it.
as explaining to a police officer why they were driving 10
miles an hour over the speed limit.
According to educator Rick Lavoie, children with learn-
"Success as an adult depends far more on the ability to
ing disabilities are often "last picked and first picked on."
function socially than on academic skills," Lavoie said.
In two presentations this week, both sponsored by the
"Verbal communication errors cause others to doubt your
Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Detroit's Agency for
intellectual capacity. Non-verbal communication errors
Jewish Education, Lavoie gave parents and teachers con-
crete advice about how to help children recognize the social cause others to doubt your mental stability."
Although proper behavior varies from society to society,
cues that will help them get along better with their peers.
children with learning disabilities
Lavoie brings a lifetime of experience
- tend not to take the social cues that
to the issue. He spent 30 years as exec-
govern their particular society. And
utive director of the Riverview School
– this social incompetence has devas-
in Cape Cod, Mass., a residential
tating long-term and short-term
school for children with learning dis-
effects.
abilities, and has produced the F.A.T.
Among the non-verbal signals we
City series of videos on parenting chil-
use every day are pitch, speed, vol-
dren with special needs. In addition,
ume and pauses when speaking;
he has spent his life with what he calls
facial expressions, space between
"a moderate to severe case of Attention
people and clothing.
Deficit Disorder."
Lavoie has had success in teaching
"Children with learning disabilities
social skills such as these by using
look at life differently than the rest of
what he calls social skill autopsies:
us, so they are often isolated, rejected
"the examination and inspection of
and bullied," Lavoie said at a March
a social error to discover the cause
23 program of the Family Circle, an
of the error, determine damage and
AJE-sponsored organization for parents
prevent recurrence.
and teachers of special needs students.
To perform a social skills autopsy,
He gave a similar talk March 24 for
Lavoie has the child first tell what
teachers in Jewish day schools.
"Success as an adult depends far more on
happened and then, with the help
Lavoie was careful not to give the
the ability to function socially than on
of teacher or parent, define what
impression that abusive behavior is the academic skills," says Rick Lavoie.
mistake the child made. Together
fault of the victim. "We have to stop
with the adult, the child then makes
looking at bullying as a rite of pas-
up a scenario that has the same moral as his or her prob-
sage," he said. "There are things going on in schools that,
lem.
if they happened in a public place, somebody would be
The child then has "social homework" — looking for a
arrested."
similar situation in which he or she can behave in the
However, parents and teachers don't have to stand by
socially appropriate way.
helplessly. Audience members at the two Detroit-area
Children cooperate with this technique, Lavoie said,
events received a handout with many suggestions for foster-
because "a human being's No. 1 need is to be liked and
ing social competence. And, in an anecdote-filled speech,
accepted by other human beings.
Lavoie told how these techniques and others have worked
"So, if they're acting in a way that make others not like
for him and his students.
them, you can assume they're not doing it on purpose. "
Lavoie gave hope to the parents who attended the Family
Learning How To Act
Circle meeting, said Susie Citrin of Birmingham, chair of
AJE's special education committee.
Learning disabilities cause social problems because they are
"When people come here, so often they're sad, bewil-
so pervasive, Lavoie said.
dered. He gave them a smile," Citrin said. "But, in spite of
A child who cannot concentrate in school also cannot
the humor, he didn't make light of their problems."
concentrate when visiting grandma and grandpa. And

DIANA LIEBERMAN

Sttor Writer/Copy Editor •

0

3/28
2003

30

Remember
When • II

From the pages of the Jewish News
from this week 10, 20, 30, 40, 50
and 60 years ago.

1993111,1"WPIPP!PWM

Rabbi Daniel Polish of Temple
Beth El in Bloomfield Township
received an honorary doctorate
from the Hebrew Union College-
Jewish Institute of Religion for his
25 years in the rabbinate.

1983

Detroiter Norman Allen received the
Humanitarian Award of the National
Council of Young Israel, presented at
the Sheraton Center in New York.
Adat Shalom Synagogue's 14-
month Operation Ner Tamid fund-
raising campaign resulted in the
Farmington Hills congregation pay-
ing off its $1.915 million mortgage.

. .
tHOMangainailnk

Appeals were made to the World
Jewish Congress to aid Cuba's
Jewish community, struggling to
maintain a Jewish life without rab-
bis, cantors or professional teachers.

1963
Mischa Kottler, well-known Detroit
pianist, performed Beethoven's
Emperor Concerto with the Center
Symphony Orchestra under the
direction of Julius Chajes at the
Jewish Community Center in
Detroit.

1953'

The 700 Jewish families in
Windsor joined in the preparations
for the city's centennial observance.
Detroiter Avern Cohn was cho-
sen to head the Junior Division of
the 1953 Allied Jewish Campaign.

Louis H. Sobel, formerdetroiter
and executive director of the Jewish
Community Center of Detroit, rep-
resented the American Jewish Joint
Distribution Committee in coordi-
nating programs of relief and reha-
bilitation for 125,000 refugees from
Nazism who found asylum in Latin
American countries.

— Compiled by Holly Teasdle,
archivist, the Rabbi Leo M Franklin
Archives of Temple Beth El

