in our cholent (Sabbath stew)
pots."
So many women were loathe to
speak on record because they
feared community censure. Some
feared being gossiped about
because of the way they observed
this mitzvah. This fear struck me as
odd as this is the very community
that stickers their bumpers with
calls against indulging in lashon
hara (gossip).
But these conversations got me
thinking. Do I spend too much
attention on my looks? Do I spend
as much time looking inward as
outward? Do . Orthodox women
and their daughters not have "hair
issues"? Do teens in observant
communities not wail that their
hair is driving them crazy?
Were I Orthodox, would I say to
my daughter the next time she
bemoans her wonderfully curly
(but often unruly) hair, "Honey,
concern yourself with what's in
your head not what covers it. Nov,
go study for your chem test."
She hears from me often enough
the maxim "Beauty is as beauty does."
Embarking on what I thought
was a fairly straightforward article, I
soon realized I could very well open
myself up to angry letters scolding
me, an outsider, for writing about a
mitzvah I do not observe.
So many were frightened I would
paint them in a bad' light, make
them out to be backward.
A few of the women who agreed
to speak to me did so because they
said they had read and respected
my past work. They knew they
could trust me. I did not want to
let anyone down; but neither did I
want to sugarcoat the true angst
that was shared.
I hope Lynne Schreiber's book
and articles like this one are the
catalyst for discussion. Observant
communities are seeing new inter-
est in the mitzvah. Those who
struggle with it merit a forum in
which to discuss Halachah and
custom and express their thoughts
and feelings. ❑
"My hats and shaitel
According to Schreiber,
remind me that I don't
"looking like a regular per-
need other people's
son" is an issue for many of
approval of my attractive-
the women who are commit-
ness: What's important is
ted to covering their hair
what's inside of me, what I
and yet are loathe to appear
have to offer the world.
too different, whether in
"Not that we should go
their own community or in
around looking bad. On
the community at large.
Young Israel of
the contrary we represent
While a shaitel can help
God's creation. We're not
with the "fit in" factor, one is Southfield Rabbi
Yechiel Morris:
supposed to look un-taken
bound to ask, "Mightn't a
"We have to be
care of or ugly."
shaitel be so beautiful that it
sensitive to a
One young woman
attracts attention?"
asked, "If my hair is sup-
Some Sephardic communi- woman's feeling
when they take on posed to be beautiful for
ties do not permit shaitels
this mitzvah."
my husband, yet covering it
for just this reason. Married
all the time changes its tex-
women in these communi-
ture and color, how will I
ties use scarves instead.
still be beautiful to him?"
Mendelsohn chuckles at the
Responded Young Israel of
thought that an observant woman's
Southfield's Rabbi Yechiel Morris,
shaitel could be so alluring.
"We have to be sensitive to a woman's
"Believe me, no matter how beauti-
feelings when they take on this mitz-
ful or custom designed, or how con-
vah. Maybe we're not doing a good
vincing the part, you are always going
enough job of that. There are a lot of
to feel there is something on your
different customs."
head; there is no way you can feel it's
Rabbi Morris, who came to the
not there."
Detroit community in August, is con-
For Mendelsohn, even though cov-
sidering teaching a class on the topic
ering her hair is hard, she does not
of head covering.
consider it a sacrifice. "Covering my
"I think it's beautiful that people
hair is a very exciting thing. It elevated
struggle with this mitzvah," he said.
our marriage. There is no way I feel
"It shows that they really care."
less womanly. I feel more womanly.
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