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Torah
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Return To Modesty

Author discusses breakdown of society's morals.

SUSAN TAWIL
Special to the Jewish News

I

t all started with the toilets.
Wendy Shalit, then a sophomore at
Williams College in Massachusetts, did-
n't like the idea of establishing coed
bathrooms in her dorm.
"They told me my problem was I wasn't
comfortable with my body," she told her audi-
ence at Machon L'Torah/The Jewish Learning
Network of Michigan's Uniquely Ours program
Jan. 19. "I was comfortable
with my body. I wasn't com-
fortable with their bodies!" she
quipped.
Disgruntled by her fellow
students' decision, Shalit wrote
an essay in Commentary maga-
zine. When the article, "A
Ladies' Room of One's Own,"
was reprinted in Reader's
Digest, Shalit was deluged with
supportive letters and attracted
national attention.
"So many women agreed
with me, but were too intimi-
dated to express themselves,"
she said. "They each thought
they were the only one who
felt that way."
She was spurred to write A
Wendy Shalit
Return to Modesty: Discovering
the Lost Virtue (Simon &
Schuster, 1999). The book, now in its fourth
printing, explores the harmful effects of soci-
ety's moral breakdown and the resultant coars-
ening of relationships between the sexes.
Shalit also spoke to University of Michigan
students Jan. 17 at a Machon L'Torah
Shabbaton in Ann Arbor's Jewish Resource
Center.
Although raised as a secular Jew, her
research led her to study at Neve Yerushalayim,
a Jerusalem women's seminary, and to become
Torah observant.
"It's important to hear from someone in our
generation, with the same type of back-
ground," said Talya Drissman, 24, a Wayne

.

State University graduate student from
Farmington Hills. "She's not telling us what to
do, but explains how things are."
Shalit, 27, drew many examples of the
breakdown of social mores from advice
columns and articles in popular women's maga-
zines. "Women are told to just enjoy casual
encounters and not to get serious," she said.
"Why are women being told they don't really
want to get married? Why is there the need for
so much deprogramming?"
"Cool-sounding advice never really works in
reality," Shalit said.
She cited statistics
showing that couples who
live together before mar-
riage are less likely to get
married and more likely
to get divorced if they
marry.
Shalit lamented the
loss of innocence and
over-sophistication of
even young children.
"Parents shouldn't be
afraid to say 'no' to things
like coed sleepovers."
She believes social
pressure to break down
women's "natural instinct
for modesty" has resulted
in a lot of misery, includ-
ing insecurity, anorexia and
the overuse of antidepres-
sants to dull sensitivity. "Our culture says, 'The
more jaded you are, the more mature you are.'
It's become a virtue not to care!"
She compared contemporary values with the
ancient Greek emphasis on physical pleasure:
"If it feels good, do it; if you've got it, flaunt
it." She contrasted this attitude with the Jewish
outlook: "If you have something special, pro-
tect it, cover it."
"Modesty is threatening to our present-day
culture," Shalit said.
Traditionally, the Jewish home has depended
on the strength of Jewish women. "If you want
society to get better," she said, "it has to begin
with you." ❑

Shir Tikvah To Host
Scholar-In-Residence

Rabbi Mitchell Chefitz of Temple Israel of Greater
Miami, the author of two books on Kabbalah and
spirituality, will be Congregation Shir Tikvah's scholar-
in-residence March 7-8.
During services at 7:45 p.m. Friday, March 7,
Rabbi Chefitz will speak on 'An Overview of the
Cresting Waves of Jewish Spirituality: What Does It
Mean For Us Today?"
During services at 10 a.m. Saturday, March 8,
Rabbi Chefitz will speak on "Kabbalah, Kavanot and
Mystical Intentions in the Liturgy of the Torah." After
lunch, Rabbi Chefitz will lead a workshop on "How
to See a Miracle: Telling Stories on the Deep, Deeper
and Deepest Levels."
Saturday evening, after a 6:30 p.m. potluck dairy
dinner, Rabbi Chefitz will lead a program on "A
Congregation of Learners." He'll apply the weekend
learning using examples and experiences from texts to
chanting to meditation. After the program, Shir
Tikvah's klezmer band, Schmaltz, will perform.
All events are open to tile community. Reservations
are required by Feb. 28 for the meals along with an $8
payment per adult for the lunch. Bring enough to pass
for the dairy potluck diner.
There is no charge for any of the programs.
Call the synagogue for information, (248) 649-
4418.

Learn to Make
Passover Crafts

The Adat Shalom Sisterhood will sponsor an after-
noon of crafts on Wednesday, Feb. 26, from noon
to 4 p.m. at You're Fired on the Boardwalk in West
Bloomfield.
The program is designed to assist adults and chil-
dren to create original ceramic Passover items.
Sisterhood member Sharon Bass will be on hand
with ideas for designs, painting techniques and
other resources to help with the projects.
There will be two sessions: noon-2 p.m. and 2-4
p.m. There is a flat fee of $10 per painter, plus the
cost of the item. This activity is recommended for
children 5 and older.
Space is limited due to the size of the store;
advance reservations are required.
Checks may be sent in a timely way to
Sisterhood of Adat Shalom, 29901 Middlebelt
Road, Farmington Hills, MI 48334.
For information, call (248) 851-5100.

JN

2/14
2003

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