NT E ITALIAN°
together to see that condi-
tions in society benefit
those who need childcare
and thei*Witti
‘
Adion't.
The ittittiar's first preg-
nancy was the catalyst for
© "We are good at cop-
ing, nurturing and Fob-
kin . solving, „and
We
a
<Gum and tote
she says. "Women don't
Catfight.
have good self-esteem."
"The bigger my belly,
Shepherd muses that
the more personal and
competition may be
judgmental the com-
instinctive. "I look at
ments," she recalled in an
Jennifer Granholm with
interview. 'Are you going
admiration, and I find
to breastfeed? Will you
myself thinking that she is
have an epidural? How
wearing tasteful earrings
Leora Tanenbaum:
much weight have you
and her nails are short and
"Competition among
gained?"
unpolished. Obviously,
mothers leads to
And finally, 'Are you
I'm paying attention to
destructive silence
her appearance."
going back to work?"
about the realities
In 1999, after writing
Like Tanenbaum,
of childhood and
Shepherd feels women
Slut: Growing Up Female
parenthood," insists
with a Bad Reputation
are socialized to be nice
the author.
and then become con-
(Seven Stories Press;
$23.95), Tanenbaum
flicted because "they
found she had a sympathetic audience
can't possibly be a nice person and be
among women who had suffered a
assertive."
teen life as troubling as her own.
On a positive note she sees progress
More recently, her interviews with
with this issue, saying, "Until recently
100 women throughout the country
women didn't even talk about compe-
convinced her she had new soul mates: tition."
the cattiness she had identified in her
Gayle Herkowitz of Huntington
own life was widespread and generic.
Woods knows from her experience as a
"We're expected to be pretty, sexy and
teacher at Oak Park High School and
fit, wear the right clothes, find the right
as the mother of two daughters that
man (a high earner), raise adorable chil-
competition is rampant.
dren with high IQs and good vocabu-
"Girls can be evil," she states. "I see
laries and make enough money to be
it in my classes. They are jealous about
independent," she explains.
clothes and horrible to each other."
"Whether we like it or not, we're all
Herkowitz describes a recent discus-
involved in competition."
sion with her daughters, one a speech
pathologist and the other a student
teacher.
Closer To Home
Both reported they had experienced
Certainly competitiveness exists in the
catty behavior in their respective
greater Detroit area among Jewish
schools and feel strongly it was caused
women. Asked if they had experienced by jealousy. They urged Herkowitz to
destructive competition, local women
buy both of Tanenbaum's books.
respond with alacrity.
Still, not everyone is suffering from
"Absolutely," exclaims Anita Blender the stresses of competition.
of Bloomfield Hills, director of mar-
Debbie Wolfe of Bloomfield Hills
keting for Premier Property
says she's past that stage. She became a
Management.
mother at 40 and, six years later, says
"There is a sense of competitiveness.
she feels no need to keep up with
I see it in the business environment
younger mothers.
where women see other women as
As co-owner of Wolfe Travel in West
threatening, and I also see it in per-
Bloomfield, she says competition is
sonal life.
good in business and in sports, but in
"I think it's worse among highly
life, "I'm beyond that."
educated Jewish women, where you get
Cindi Brody of Beverly Hills, vice
into competition over where you live,
president and corporate counsel at
how thin you are, what car you drive."
Comerica, acknowledges there may be
"I see competition," says Wendy
competition in the work world, but she
Shepherd ofCommerce Township, a
finds her banking environment healthy
writer and work-life stress manage-
and supportive.
ment trainer. "It's what makes it hard
The few competitive women she
for women to go to their 30-year high
encounters professionally would be fight-
school reunions. How do we stack up
ing, she feels, even if they were men.
to our girlfriends?
MEOW! on page 89
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