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Nurturing Children

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Beth Yehudah focuses on successful parenting.

SUSAN TAWIL
Special to the Jewish News

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DETROIT JEWISH

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11/29

2002

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Mail to: Detroit Jewish News
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S

uccessffil parenting," said
Rabbi Noach Orlowek of
Yeshiva Torah Ore in
Jerusalem, "is the transfer of
power and decision-making to your
growing children
until they don't need
you anymore.
Tips for transfer-
ring this power and
other strategies and
insights into raising
children was the
focus of a series of
talks during
Southfield-based
Rabbi Orlowek
Yeshiva Beth
Yehudah's fourth
annual Chinuch
(education) week-
end Nov. 1-3.
"Planting and
Nurturing: From
Early Childhood
Through
Adolescence" was
the program
theme, which fea-
tured lectures on
Rabbi Weinberger
topics such as rais-
ing children in
large families, communicating with
young children, dealing with teens and
chutzpah.
Speakers were Jewish educators
Rabbis Orlowek and Moshe
Weinberger, principal of Mesivta Bais
Shraga in Monsey, N.Y. About 400 par-
ents attended the various sessions. Beth
Yehudah parents Dr. and Mrs. David
Weingarden of Southfield and Dr. and
Mrs. Larry Kurz of Oak Park sponsored
the weekend.
In Rabbi Weinberger's Friday night
talk, "Be the Architect of Your Child's
Future," the rabbi related the Hebrew
word for children, banim, to the word
for building, binyan (the root letters in
Hebrew being the same).
Essentially, he said, raising children is
to build them, one step at a time —
which requires patience, knowledge,
planning and, most importantly, a solid
foundation of mutual love and trust.
Making individual time for each child
is imperative: Go for walks or rides with
them and be an ozen shomakt, a "listen-

ing ear," he said.
Speaking on raising teenagers, Rabbi
Orlowek defined maturity as a balance
between emotion and intellect. He dis-
tinguished between Judaism's two stages
of maturity: the bar-bat mitzvah (13 for
boys, 12 for girls), and the ben Torah
(age 20), at which full maturity is
attained and a different level of respon-
sibility is expected.
"The teenager is in between," he
said. "They're part adult, part child.
Transitions are difficult. Teens are
obsessed with control because they real-
ize they don't have it yet. Healthy peo-
ple want to take control of their lives.
Teens are like 2 year olds — their
favorite word is 'Nor
He suggested disengaging from con-
flict. "You can't have machloket (argu-
ment), if you don't take part," he
advised.e cited the talumudic allegory
of the reflecting pool: They react to
you the way you react to them," he
said.
Rabbi Orlowek stressed the impor-
tance of listening. He broke it down
into three parts:
• Physical — the need for quiet,
uninterrupted time. Turn off your cell
phone, he said, or better yet, let it ring,
but don't answer it — this lets your
child know how important what he has
to say is to you.
• Understand — sum up what they
say and what they empathize.
• Accept — acknowledge the com-
munication; then you can disagree, if
need be.
"If they don't talk to you, you talk to
them," said Rabbi Orlowek, insisting
that communicating with our children
is vital. "We're there for our kids —
they're not there for us."
In his talk, "Raising Roses Among
the Thorns," Rabbi Orlowek addressed
the challenge of raising proper Jewish
children in today's society. He noted
that every generation has had its allur-
ing trials, from Hellenism to
Communism. We have to feel rich our-
selves, and understand the value of our
"product," he said. "We pay a price for
being Jews, but we get so much out of
it."
Rabbi Orlowek compared Judaism
to a rose, whose beauty is enhanced in
contrast to its thorns. Likewise, he pro-
claimed, "The street culture is no con-
test to the beauty of a Jewish home." ❑

