Straight Talk
Expert on school safety gives Hillel students
the lowdown on bullying.
Even if the situation never results in
bloodshed, he said, students cannot
learn if they are in a situation where
ducator Thomas J.
they do not feel safe.
Connelly pulled no punch-
Recent studies have shown that the
es when he spoke with stu-
biggest percentage of bullying inci-
dents at Hillel Day School
dents takes place in second grade. But,
of Metropolitan Detroit about bully-
Connelly said, the severest bullying
ing.
happens in the seventh and eighth
"Good things are happening at this
grades.
school. I could tell when I walked in
"You can be a bully, you can be a
the front door this morning,"
passive participant, you can be an
Connelly told the school's eighth-
observer, or you can be a hero," he
graders on Oct.14. "But I know bully- told the students.
ing happens
Connelly
here. And I'm
showed a short
here to help you
film of inter-
stop it."
-
views with stu-
Hillel has not
dents who'd
experienced any
been victims of
upsurge in ver-
bullying. One
bal or physical
boy, who
student harass-
appeared to be
ment among its
about 14 years
students,
old, later went
according to
on to attempt
Amy Cutler,
suicide. The boy
principal of the
was physically
Alita Cyrlin, Hillel Day School's dean
upper school.
small and had a
of student affairs, speaks with presenter
"We have had a
high voice; when
Thomas Connelly in the school's chapel.
few instances in
he spoke on the
the past couple
film, some of the
of months, but I
boys in the audi-
think they were worked out to every-
ence snickered.
one's benefit," she said.
In a freewheeling discussion after "
However, when Connelly asked stu-
the film, several students said that, if
dents to raise their hands if they'd wit-
they reported incidents of bullying,
nessed or participated in bullying since the bullies would somehow find out
school began, or if they'd been bullied
and they'd be verbally or physically
themselves, quite a few eight-graders
attacked.
raised their hands.
Connelly asked for a volunteer from
A nationally known consultant on
among the teachers in the audience.
school safety, suicide prevention and
Cooking teacher Donna Maddin
violence intervention, Connelly is on a stepped forward.
crusade to stop school violence before
"Will you promise that, if any stu-
it happens. In a day that began at 7:30 dent comes to you, it will be handled
.a.m. and lasted until about 9 p.m., the in the strictest confidence?" Connelly
retired high school principal led sepa-
asked.
rate sessions for Hillel students in
'Absolutely," she replied.
grades 2-8, teachers and parents.
Connelly was as good as his word
"Every kid who shot up a school in
about approachability.
the last 10 years had a strong history
After the meeting, when a student
of being harassed and bullied,"
asked for help in handling his own
Connelly said. "Does this excuse what
struggles with bullying, Connelly lis-
they did? Of course not.
tened carefully and gave a few words
"But what it does say is we can't do
of advice. Then he gave the eighth-
it any more. Bullying is not only
grader his e-mail address. ❑
unfair; it's dangerous."
DIANA LIEBERMAN
Copy Editor/Education Writer
E
Focus On Girls
OCC conference seeks to boost self-confidence
during turbulent years.
RONELLE GRIER
Special to the Jewish News
IHE
elping girls develop self-
confidence amidst the
turbulence of adoles-
cence is the focus of the
third annual "Girls Matter
Conference" on Saturday, Nov. 9, at
the Orchard Ridge Campus of
Oakland Community College
(OCC).
The conference, coordinated by the
OCC Womencenter, a facility that
provides educational and supportive
resources for local women, is
designed for girls ages 11-14 and
their parents.
The keynote presentation,
"Cliques: Trying to Be Yourself and
Fitting In," will be given by Rosalind
Wiseman, author of Queen Bees and
Wanndbes: Helping Your Daughter
Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends,
and Other Realities of Adolescence.
Wiseman will discuss the powerful
role of cliques and how parents can
help their daughters take a more
active role in confronting negative
behavior, making better decisions
and increasing self-esteem.
Wiseman has been featured in the
New York Times Magazine, Oprah,
CNN and other media on the sub-
ject of girls' aggression. She also is
the co-founder and president of the
Empower Program, a nonprofit
organization that helps young people
stop the culture of violence.
Aiding Adolescence
Participants will have an opportunity
to choose from a variety of work-
shops on topics such as peer pressure,
career choices, sexuality, social
activism, setting boundaries, commu-
nications skills and nutrition.
"Adolescent girls are in conflict
between wanting to belong and
wanting to be an individual," said
Susan Rogers, a social worker with
the Birmingham Public Schools.
Her workshop, "Stand Up, Speak
Out ... and Still Have Fun!" will
offer creative ways for girls to resist
temptation so they can feel powerful
and in control.
The workshop "Emotional
Intelligence" focuses on the impor-
tance of psychological, as opposed to
intellectual, astuteness.
"A person's IQ predicts only 10
percent of his or her success in life,"
said presenter Dr. Elana Goell-
Varkovitzky, a psychologist in private
practice in Bingham Farms. The
other 90 percent depends on emo-
tional awareness and one's ability to
recognize and manage feelings.
"The good news is that IQ is fixed,
while emotional intelligence can be
learned and developed at any time."
Dr. Goell-Varkovitzky says that the
Jewish religion contains many prac-
tices that help people connect with
their own and others' feelings.
"The shivah ritual is an example,"
she said. "It's a very wise tradition
that helps us deal with grief."
•
Another workshop, "From Barbie
to Britney: How the Media
Influences Girls for Better and for
Worse," addresses the importance of
developing a positive self-image in
the face of what is portrayed in the
media.
"We are seeing eating disorders in
girls as young as 6," said workshop
facilitator Elissa Driker, a
.
Birmingham psychotherapist. "This
is directly related to the media; it
gives women and girls such a narrow
definition of how we're supposed to
be," she said. "Girls need to learn
how to become more critical
thinkers, and to realize that self-
worth doesn't come from how they
look."
Arlene Frank, program coordinator
for the OCC Womencenter, said, In
working with women, we see how
many of the issues they face today
are influenced by the messages they
received early in life.
"Our goal is to make changes in
women's lives by making changes in
girls' lives." ❑
The "Girls Matter Conference" will
take place 8:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m.
Saturday, Nov. 9, in Building J of
the OCC Orchard Ridge Campus
in Farmington Hills. Admission is
$15. For information, call the
Womencenter: (248) 522-3641.
11/8
2002
45.