z.
For Openers
Bumper Philosophy
umper stickers are frequently used for
advertising.
The following, however, not only repre-
sent an exercise in creativity, but are funny
as well.
(My thanks to the Web site of the Department of
Advertising at the University of Texas at Austin.)
In the way of good advice, consider:
• If at first you don't succeed, don't
try skydiving. (Surprising how many
don't consider this.)
• If at first you don't succeed, rede-
fine success. (Now that's a sure-fire
attitude!)
• Never put off till tomorrow what
you can- avoid altogether. (But why
don't employers go along with this?)
SY
• It's bad luck to be superstitious.
MANELLO
• It's only a game till you lose!
Editorial
(How
many Little League parents
Assistant
need to remember this?)
• When all else fails, lower your
standards. (Unfortunately, this is what is happening in
public education.)
......-.. . ._,.„,. . .
f
.
• Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better
idiot.
• Don't be stupid. We have politicians for that.
• You can't achieve the impossible without attempting
the absurd.
• If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing
it badly.
• If you understand something today, it must be
obsolete. (I've already done my ranting about comput-
ers, thank you.)
There are also some great observations about life the
way it really is:
• Reality is a figment of your imagination.
• Winning isn't everything; eating is. (Though some
weight-losing plans may disagree.)
• The more hair I lose, the more head I get.
(I can personally attest to the fact that bald IS beauti-
ful!)
• Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
(Whatever happened to optimism?)
• As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in
public schools.
• Lead me not unto temptation; I can find it myself.
(Now we are back to eating being everything!)
• The shortest distance between two points is under
construction. (That has to have been written by a
Detroiter.)
e
I i
Quotables
t'cha
Know
© 2002
www. etroottewis iews.toitt
) JILT Digest
Selected news and feature stories from the
Detroit- Jewish News.
www.detroifiew
N
^
Sv Goldfein
he two sea ports of ancient
Israel were located in Jaffa
and Acre. Neither are in use
today. Can you name the
three modern port cities of Israel?
www.jewish.com
) Mideast Update
The latest news about the crisis in the Middle
East.
www.jewish.corn
•1Epa Toptisv
• Every time I find the meaning of life, they
change it.
• We have enough youth, how about the fountain of
SMART?
• Just when you think you've won the rat race, along
come faster rats.
• Always remember you're unique, just like everybody
else. (So much for being your own person.)
How about some cautions for everyday living:
• Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they
appear. (How true is that!)
• You'll need to know my name; you'll be screaming
it later. (I've got a list of repair people who learned that
one Est enough.)
• I'm objective; I object to everything. (And here I
thought it was just an age thing.)
• I love my country. I fear my government.
• The whole purpose of your life is to serve as a warn-
ing to others.
These next two are special favorites of mine because
there are days when they seem to be etched in my
windshield:
• Of all things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
• Out of my mind, back in five minutes.
Let me dispel the seeming "darkness" of some of the
above with the sage advice: Hug a Logger. You'll Never
Go Back To Trees . ❑
'EJTEH :nts&STTV
"While we are often told that
water, trees and air are our most
valuable resources, to me our most
precious treasures are our elderly.
They are the stewards of wisdom,
preserving our traditions and pass-
ing on to us the legacy of faith,
family and community service."
— State Rep. Marc Shulman, R-
West Bloomfield at the Jewish
Apartments and Services' Senior
Adult Hall of Fame brunch May 5
in West Bloomfield.
"Where will American Jews get
the strength to be morally respon-
sible? From those Jews who are
firmly rooted in Judaism."
— Rabbi Irving "Yitz" Greenberg,
president of the Jewish Life
Network, a Judy and Michael
Steinhardt Foundation, at Hillel
Day School of Metropolitan Detroit's
annual patron par t y.
"Israel holds just one one-thou-
sandth of the world's population
but holds all the hopes for the
continuation of the Jewish experi-
ence as a portion of the human
narrative. Will Israel be more
durable than anti-Semitism? Few
things have been."
— George Will of the Washington
Post Writers Group.
THE BEST OF GRAPLIEWZ er Mendel
Yiddish Limericks
Last Shabbos, old Fire Chief Spenser
Complained, "They don't come any denser.
It seems Mrs. Winkler
Set off every sprinkler.
She bencht Licht* beneath the smoke sensor."
GOOD/VE(0S, FR ANK ! THE BOARD HAS
NOMINATED you TO CHAIR THE
RITUAL COMMITTEE
ARE .YoU KIPP
RAR3
I DON'T KNOIO ANYTHING
AFOOT RITUAL_
O.K. THa.),Le -rs sec— HOW PROT HAVING A WEE PROBLEM WITH
CHAIRING THE FUNDRAISING
LEADERSHIP ARE WE RABBI ?
COMMITTEE? THE FINANCE
WHOA WHAT S THIS?! YOU
COMMITTEE? MEMBERSHIP?
C OULD BE SYNAGOGUE
NOM INATO/VS?THE BROTHERHOOD?
PRESIDENT FOR LIFEI.f j OO
THE SISTERHOOP?..
LUCKY PO G'
— Martha Jo Fleischmann
* said the blessing over the Sabbath candles
5/17
2002
11