The December Dilemma

New books address old issue of maintaining a separate Jewish identity in a predominately
Christian season — and within an increasing number of interfaith families.

ma — how to reconcile Jewish and Christian holi-
day observances in an interfaith family or celebrate
Chanukah in a predominantly Christian environ-
ment — joins other books with similar themes
released this year.

•

This greeting card was designed to be sent to interfaith
families and illustrates the blurring of holiday traditions.

Interfaith Families

"Especially when our children were young, I would
have loved to have read about an interfaith family
dealing with both holidays and facing all the issues
that raises," says Bache, also author of Safe Passage, a
novel made into a film starring Susan Sarandon.
"Years later, when I saw there were still no holiday
books dealing with interfaith issues, I decided to
write one. I wanted to show a family getting
through the doubts that crop up when there's a crisis
and learning how the holidays can unite rather than
break [people] apart."
Bache, who has signed copies of an earlier book,
The Activist's Daughter, at this area's Jewish Book Fair,
was married in a Unitarian church 32 years ago but
didn't think about family religious practices until she
became pregnant with the first of her four children.
Although she still is not fully comfortable about
having a Christmas tree at home, she believes her
daughter and three sons grew up unconflicted about
the issue.
"I really think there are barriers you can't get over,
but you learn to get around them," says Bache, who
recently became a widow but will celebrate both
holidays when her grown children visit this month.
"I think there is only one universal for interfaith
couples, and that's to respect the other without giv-
ing so much that there is resentment."

Interfaith Tools

Ronnie Friedland and Edmund Case introduce lots
of December dilemma experiences in The Guide to
Jewish Interfaith Family Life (Jewish Lights
Publishing; $18.95). They have compiled and edited
essays by Jews and Christians addressing interfaith
issues large and small.
For example, one essayist tells how she allowed her
young children to get gifts on Christmas at their
grandparents' home. She told them that Santa knee-
they were Jewish and brought them Chanukah gifts
on Christmas.
Friedland and Case, both Jews who married outside
their faiths, looked for many points of view including
those of their own family members. They tapped
individuals and relationship professionals through the
online magazine they edit, hiteifizithFamilycom, and
invited commentary from people they met in the
course of their professional and social experiences.
"One of the most important points throughout
the book is that these issues change over time, and
we wanted to give families tools for dealina with the
b raised
circumstances they face," says Friedland, who
her two children as Jews and went through a divorce
after 17 years of marriage.
My husband and I never argued about religion,
but I believe that cultural differences were a factor in
our separation. There were different family styles
that had to do with religion."
Case, who also raised hischildren as Jews, gave his
insights in one essay and invited his wife to give hers
in another. He stresses the importance of showing
respect for the religious practices that the children
do not observe.

SUZANNE CHESSLER

Special to the Jewish News

C

laire and Paul have two children who cele-
brate Chanukah and Christmas, not an
uncommon decision reached by interfaith
couples. As a family, they light the candles
on a menorah and decorate a Christmas tree.
One December, when their 5-year-old son became
very ill and didn't respond to treatment, Claire
began to question her choices and wonder whether
she was being punished for allowing non-Jewish rit-
uals alongside the Jewish traditions instilled in her as
she was growing up.
Claire's problems are resolved in the 133 pages of
the fictional Holiday Miracles: A Christmas/Hanukkah
Story (Banks Channel Books; $14.95). Author Ellyn
Bache has based her characters and tale on her own
experiences as a Jew reconciling religious celebrations
with a Catholic husband.
This particular incidence of the December dilem-

12/21
2001

62

Ellyn Bache: "I
wanted to show a
family getting
through the doubts
that crop up when
there's a crisis and
learning how the
holidays can unite
rather than break
[people] apart."

Ronnie Friedland:
"These issues
change over time,
and we wanted to
give families tools
for dealing with
the circumstances
they face."

Edmund Case:
"We're not
promoting
intermarriage."

Harvey Cox:
"Preparing children
to live out their
faith in a religiously
multifaceted world
is not just a task for
mixed-marriage
families."

Ron Wolfson:
"At this time
of year; I think
its important
to show the
difference between
appreciating another
person's holiday and
appropriating
that holiday"

