Spirituality

Finding Comfort

Rabbi Yoskowitz's book tells of the Kaddish minyan's healing power.

SHELLI LIEBMAN DORFMAN
Staff Writer

I

n August, when Alan J.
Kaufman of West Bloomfield
was mourning the death of his
father, Herbert W. Kaufman, he
received an unexpected gift — a book
edited and introduced by his rabbi at
Mat Shalom Synagogue.

The Kaddish Minyan: The Impact on
Ten Lives by Rabbi Herbert Yoskowitz
(Eakin Press; $8.95 paperback/$16.95
hardcover) is actually an expanded, edit-
ed offshoot of an adult education class
offered by Rabbi Yoskowitz in
November 1999.
"The rabbi gave me his book one day
after morning minyan while I was sit-
ting shivah," says Kaufman of
Bloomfield Hills. "It was brand new
and wasn't widely distributed yet, but I
trust my rabbi and have a high regard
for him, so I started reading it and fin-
ished it that same night."
Never having said Kaddish (prayer for
the dead) before, he says looked to the
book for information and comfort. "All
of a sudden, I was saying Kaddish twice
a day and didn't know what to expect,"
he says. "By reading what other people
experienced down the road, gave me
comfort. When you're grieving, you
think about that day, but the book
showed the effect of saying Kaddish and
what to expect."
Making the commitment to say
Kaddish for his father for 11 months,
Kaufman says, "The benefits were
immediate and continue to be there
for me. The emotional benefit I get
saying Kaddish, in the setting of a
minyan gives a very powerful and
comforting effect."
Inspired by Leon Wieseltier's book,
Kaddish, Rabbi Yoskowitz created the
class, from which the book was -
spawned, after researching other litera-
ture on the subject.
Sandwiched between two lecture-type
classes was a session dedicated to hear-
ing from four individuals who have
experienced saying Kaddish.
"I'd never spoken in public before in
my life," says Gail Raminick-Zisholz
of Commerce Township, who shared
the podium that evening with Irving
Berman of Southfield and Susie and
Bill Graham of West Bloomfield. "But
I knew how much comfort I found in
attending the Kaddish minyan and
how strongly I felt about reaching out
to others."

After the death of her husband,
Sheldon Raminick, in January 1999,
she read books and attended bereave-
ment support group classes, but what
helped her most was being with others
who knew she had experienced loss.
"Everyone's situation is so individual
and personal," says Raminick-Zisholz.
"But there is still a commonality in
sharing feelings. This is a time when
you really, truly need warmth and sup-
port from others — and not necessary
those you love. The Kaddish minyan is
a way to be with others."
Says Rabbi Yoskowitz: "I have never,
in all my 30 years as a rabbi, felt such
emotion in an audience of people as I
did that evening."

The Making Of A Book

The book takes its title from the
service of the same name offered at
Adat Shalom.
"It is a regular minyan held every day
of every week of every month of the
year," the rabbi says.
The service exists to provide a quorum
of the 10 Jewish adults required to recite
Kaddish.
Rabbi Yoskowitz's book grew from the
four talks given in class to include six
others, including representatives from all
three Detroit-area Jewish funeral homes.
"The book touches so many situa-
tions," the rabbi says.
The two- to three-page chapters deal
with the loss of parents, spouses, chil-

spitatootxv

David Schostak of Birmingham, Dr. Michael
Gellis of Bloomfield Hills, Paul Magy of
Birmingham and Beverly Liss of West
Bloomfield gather around Rabbi Herbert
Yoskowitz at a Sept. 9 book signing at Borders
_Book Shop in Beverly Hills.

Rabbi Yoskowitz
At
Book Fair
Rabbi Herbert Yoskowitz will speak at the

Local Author Fair of the Jewish
Community Center of Metropolitan Detroit's 50th .Annual Jewish Book
Fair 11 a.m. Sunday, Nov. 11, at the West Bloomfield JCC. (248) 661-

1000.

He will also hold a Thursday, No 15, lunch and learn at the Oak Park
JCC. Lunch served at 12:30 p.m.; program at 1 p.m. $6. For information,
call the JCC at (248) 967-4030.

dren; saying Kaddish for a non-Jewish
parent; and the healing derived from the
prayer and the occasional return to the
synagogue.
The book contains the Hebrew and
Jewish Aramaic words of the Kaddish
prayer as well as its translation,
English transliteration, commentary
and mystical reflections. Form-like
pages are included to record informa-
tion about the deceased's yahrtzeit
(anniversary of death).
Describing the project as "a true labor
of love," the rabbi arose many mornings
at 5 a.m. to work on the book before
getting ready for morning minyan.
The book's manuscript was shared
and reviewed by synagogue leadership
and various community members
including social workers and clergy, both
Jewish and non-Jewish. Rabbi Daniel
Nevins and Cantor Howard Glantz of
Adat Shalom each provided a chapter.
Synagogue member Edward
Rosenberg supplied funding to provide
books to members of the International
Rabbinical Assembly, the international
association of Conservative rabbis in
New York.
In response, Rabbi Gerald Zelizer of
New Jersey, assembly past president,
wrote to fellow rabbis endorsing the
book that he bought in bulk to present
as a gift to congregants in shivah houses.
"They have all come back to me say-
ing it not only deepened their under-
standing of the larger meaning of the
ritual, but many said it motivated them
to want to say it al pi halachah [accord-
ing to Jewish law]," he writes.
Rabbi Yoskowitz also shares the book
with congregation members during the
week of shivah. The books are courtesy
of the Ben Teitel Trust. Profits from
book sales will go to Adat Shalom.
The rabbi's goals for the Kaddish
Minyan, which he says transcends Jewish
denominational streams, include provid-
ing an education of the origin, meaning
and customs of the Kaddish. He also
hopes to motivate mourners to recite the
prayer for the full complement of time
— 11 months for a parent; 30 days for a
child, spouse or sibling.
Most importantly, he wants those say-
ing Kaddish to be able to be reached on
a spiritual and emotional level, with help
from those for whom saying Kaddish
has been comforting and beneficial.
"It's one thing for me, as a rabbi, to
say the Kaddish can help," he says. And
another for those who've said it to say it
helped them." ❑

11/2
2001

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