For Openers

What I Meant Was

g:Mr? 9cha,

0

ne old adage tells us to say what we mean and mean
what we say. Both apply to the writing of newspaper
headlines, except that sometimes there's a short circuit
and the creator of the headline fails to realize that the
words can be taken different ways.
In trying to be economical with words, the creators of the follow-
ing headlines did nor know what havoc would be created on the
world scene:
• Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
• Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
• War Dims Hopes For Peace

How sound is your health? Perhaps you'll
feel better after chuckling over these gaffs:
• Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms
• Milk Drinkers Are Turning To Powder
• Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

blet

EllOWO 2001

By Goldfein

) Israel-

Yiddish Limericks

For the latescoews on cbh ttts-and
tensions in eit,444,deast,4ileaie visit
www.detrotoewishne*. coin

•

Accidents always make the news, but
judging from these headlines, there was
more that was accidental:
• Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery;
Hundreds Dead
• Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
• Man Is Fatally Slain
• Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax

SY MANELLO
Editorial Assistant

In our lives, we are, it seems, surrounded by violence and may-
hem. Well, maybe these "takes" on news events will lighten the out-
look a bit:
• Miners Refuse To Work After Death
• Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
• Man Shoots Neighbor With Machete

And, of course, what would news be without an area of strange-
but-true; headlines are no exception:
• Dealers Will Hear Car Talk At Noon
• Sisters Reunited After 18 Years At Checkout Counter
• Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
• Lack Of Brains Hinders Research

That last holds true in so many fields — newspaper headlines are
not an exception. Just remember how hard it is to fit a clear idea
into a predetermined space. D

"My order for Sukkot," said Colt.
"Arrived, and I got a real jolt.
My lulav droops badly,"
He commented sadly,
"Nock airger,* my esrog'sfabfolt.""

—Martha Jo Fleischmann

* worse yet
' rotten; spoiled

Quotables

"He taught me to come to the table with compo-
sure, commitment and a conciliatory attitude —
and a refusal to not take 'no' for an answer."

— Penny Blumenstein, outgoing president of the
Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Detroit, about
Detroit Jewry patriarch Max Fisher, at the
JFMD/United Jewish Foundation of Metropolitan
Detroit annual meeting.

daigkAki§krt

) Contest Winners

4

JN Online members Sheryl Stoller,
Kevin Eaton and T Mildew have won
movie passes to United Artists Theatres.
www.detroitjewishnevvs.com/members

) What's Eating Harry
Kirsbaiim?

Sorting the real from the rubble
of poor taste.
www.detroitjewishnews.com/opinion

) Sukkot

Israelis celebrate the festival of Sukkot.
www.detroitjewishnews.cominews

"They seek to divide us. If we allow them, then
we are doing the terrorists' work."

— U.S. Sen. Debbie Stabenow, keynoter at
Detroit Jewry's memorial service and solidarity rally
Sunday marking the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks on
I America.

A man and his younger brother
examine myrtle branches on the eve
of Sukkot in Jerusalem on Monday.

GRAPEJEWZ BY Mendel

WELL FORGET (1E3001- HAVING
SOKKAH THis EARL
I'M MISSIMG A PIECE
AND 1 CAN'T FINISH
No
THE 1o13
KIPPING,
WITHouT IT!
WHICH PIECE
15 IT?

e r

ost Jews celebrate the holidays of
Rosh Hashanah, Chanukah and
Passover. But are you familiar with
the Jewish holidays of Mimouna,
Saharana and Sigd?
.1QconD,koN Lir Asp Xuppti
atla )1JECII SAA3f LIEICTIOITa !JOWS JQ1JE BuEJELIEs
aluiciapp smai tIsminN tJaAossud Jo pua
3E Eunounw alakplaD smaf LIEDDOJOIN

.ou KNOW, ITS THAT
LONG METAL PIECE,
THE ONE WITH THE* ,
HOLES,. of
EMI)

THIS HAPPENED LAST SEAR,
DIDN'T IT?
()IA- HUH,
NEXT (1)0 1/.L. BE
FAO< IN io MINUTES
9R 1N6, u THERE'S
SOMETHING bRoNG WITH
THESE (NSTkuCTIo&J5N N

) Holidays On The Net

Find information, links and fun for
Hoshanah Rabah, Shemini Atzeret
and Simchat Torah.
Visit
www.detroitjewishnews.cornientertain
ment

— Joshua Paul Cane, JN Online
Web producer

10/5
2001

11

