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Freud asked the question; now, in a new book and a PBS special,
author Barbara De Angelis tells men what the women
in their life want them to know.

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arbara De Angelis' career as a relationship adviser
got off the ground when she was 9 years old and
attending a Jewish summer camp in
Pennsylvania. A friend with a crush on a fellow
camper paid De Angelis 25 cents to compose a note that
would attract the boy's interest, and the missive worked.
Now — with 11 books, a radio show and TV work
behind her — De Angelis is about to introduce her latest
collection of connection ideas, What Women Want Men to
Know (Hyperion; $22.95), an upbeat guide to love, sex and
intimacy.
A verbal presentation of the
book's guidelines has been turned
into a TV special, Love Secrets
With Barbara De Angelis: What
Women Want Men to Know, which
will air on Detroit's WTVS-
Channel 56 several times in
August. De Angelis will be in
town on Aug. 7 to introduce the
program and answer questions
called into the studio.
"I think this is the most impor-
tant book I've ever written," says
De Angelis, 50, who bases her
advice on experiences with her
own five marriages, communica-
tions with her readers and listeners
and a spirituality that derives from
her Reform Jewish upbringing.
"I think it's a book that every
woman needs to read to under-
stand herself and will want to give
to any man she knows. It explains
a woman's temperament and psy-
che in ways I have not read
before.
"During the taped television
show, I'm talking the entire time
and doing demonstrations. I have props to give examples of
points I'm making, and I think it's very entertaining."
De Angelis' main message throughout her writing is that
love is not enough to make a relationship work. It is neces-
sary, she says, to develop appropriate and meaningful skills.
"I try to explain to people that there is missing informa-
tion that nobody ever taught us," says the author, whose
bestsellers include How to Make Love All the Time, Real
Moments for Lovers and Chicken Soup for the Couple's Soul.
"There are principles about men, women, intimacy and
communication that make love work. When you under-
stand these principles, you're armed with ammunition to
avoid mistakes."
De Angelis, whose father changed the family name from
Abrams to honor a stepparent, began writing about her

approach and addressing small groups in her living room
before earning her doctoral degree in educational psychology.
With the public's growing interest in her subject, the
seminars moved into larger and larger halls and then onto
television, where she had an infomercial to sell her materials
as well as a CNN weekend program.
"I tend to give a lot of variations on a particular point
and let people know that each book presents a smorgas-
bord," De Angelis explains. "It's like going to a bar mitzvah
with fantastic, catered tables. You're not supposed to eat
everything."
De Angelis doesn't write her books with the goal of
telling people what to do or think. "I offer suggestions, and

Above: "Ifyour wife or
girlfriend gave you this book,
she is simply saying that she
loves you," writes De Angelis.

Le : Barbara De Angelis:
"There are principles about
men, women, intimacy and
communication that make
love work. When you under-
stand these principles, you're
armed with ammunition to
avoid mistakes."

they can take what works for them, what they need and
what feels right," she says. "Ultimately, it's not about what I
say or my knowledge but tuning people into what they
already know inside."
De Angelis, single but currently in a relationship, has a
number of answers for people who question her credentials
because of her own numerous marriages. The first union, to
a transcendental meditation teacher, was soon annulled.
Her second through fifth marriages — to the late magician
Doug Henning, the author John Gray (Men Are From Mars,
Women Are From Venus), a nutrition counselor and a chiro-
practor — ended in divorce.
As for her failed marriages, she reasons that other people
would have lived together without consecrating their rela-
tionship, that celebrity puts extra stress on couples and that