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OTHER VIEWS
Your Father's Dreams
New York City
ince Father's Day began in
1910 in the state of
Washington, people have
been giving cards, neckties
and steak dinners.
It has also been a
time when we
reflect on our
fathers, and how
they have shaped
our lives.
The classic joke
about Jewish
fathers is an
RABBI DANIEL exchange between
a young boy
BRENNER
returning from
Special
school and his
Commentary
mother. The boy
says, "I got the
role of the Jewish father in the school
play." The mother replies, "Oh, I'rdso
sorry, maybe next year you'll get a
speaking part."
Not all Jewish fathers are quiet
types, or Woody Allen stand-ins who
explain, "I'm the boss, your mother is
just the decision maker." Some have
been powerful and passionate, others
outspoken and defiant. And in truth,
no joke or personality trait can accu-
rately describe the men who faced the
challenge of balancing career, family
and the outside pressures to be a suc-
cess in America.
Jewish fathers, in particular, have
gone through enormous changes in
the last three generations. In 1900,
80 percent of Jewish fathers in
America were working blue-collar
jobs, generally in textile factories. By
1950, nearly 75 percent of young
Jewish men were going to college; as
a result, today, well over 80 percent
of Jewish fathers are professionals —
from high-powered businessmen and
lawyers to doctors, teachers, writers
and artists.
On the whole, Jewish men have
gone from day laborers to careers with
security and status; the effects of these
sweeping social changes have been felt
in each family and by each father.
Clearly, the role that fathers play in
families has changed. And while
fathers are still asked to provide for
and protect their farriilies, these days
the ideal dad is also expected to drive
carpools, cook dinner, provide emo-
tional support and more.
Daniel Brenner is director of the
National Jewish Resource Center at
CLAL-The National Jewish Center for
Learning and Leadership.
6/15
2001
34
Yet on Father's Day, this year June
17, we honor our fathers not by com-
paring them to some ideal, but by
acknowledging them for who they
really are. We pause to reflect on their
history, remember the challenges they
faced and meditate on what they
taught us along the way. In that way,
we truly live by the words "Honor
Thy Father."
Tapping History
But how to honor them in a way that
means more than a day off to go play
golf?
This is where our Jewish inherited
wisdom comes in. As Jews, we have
been wrestling with the often-difficult
task of honoring fathers for well over
3,000 years. Abraham's story begins
with tensions with his father.
Jacob battles with his brother over
his father's blessing. The Talmud con-
tains numerous stories that ask: What
are our obligations to our fathers? To
what extent do we need to go to
respect them? And how do we best
honor them?
So it turns out that the serious con-
cerns of Father's Day have been brew-
ing in Jewish life for some time. Here
are three ways to honor your father
that speak to the gifts of our tradition
with the experience of contemporary
life:
• Honor your father's history. What
events shaped his life?
• Honor your father's outlook.
What have you learned from him?
• Honor your father's dreams. What
of his hopes for you, whether realized
yet or not?
After reflecting on these questions,
tell someone you care about (a
friend, your partner, your children,
or even your father) what came to
your mind.
For those whose fathers have died,
perform a ritual for remembering:
Play an album or read a book that he
enjoyed look, through some family
photographs, give to a cause that he
supported or visit a place that he
liked. Share his memory and tell
someone a story from his life.
Rabbi Simon Bar Yohai once said:
"The most difficult of all obligations
is to honor your father and mother"
(Tanchuma Ekev).
This Father's Day, reflect on the
contribution fathers have made in
sharing their love and guidance from
one generation to the next. And if you
have the opportunity, get him a bow
tie. I hear they're coming back.