"A vegetarian treat in West Bloomfield."

'99

Bob Talbert, March

just had to find out what so man y
people were raving about.

"

I

Danny Raskin. June

O cYc•

I

who is more attuned to his own son,
he reflects upon what it was like to
have a father not involved with many
of his son's interests.
He relives his childhood anxieties:
about having a "different" type of
father, about always fearing his father's
death, and about the deepening . ft
between them as he moved into adult-
hood.
"The book was a cathartic experi-
ence for me," says Dunow. "It was a
way of re-engaging with my father,
recalling this interesting character and
bringing him back to life.
"I wanted to show how this man
from another generation tried to
assimilate into the modern culture of
his new land. And I also wanted to
include the challenges and complexi-
ties of my own experience as a father."
Near the end, the book takes a turn
not entirely in keeping with the breezy,
charming story of Dunow's cute Little
League team, the other coaches and
baseball moms.
In a chapter titled "The Shiksa
Thing," he tells of falling in love with
a half-Jewish girl named Nina at a
summer camp for teenagers.
This is much to the dismay of tis
father, eliciting the comment: "You're a

"For it is wrong, of course, to say
this is a life without Nomi. It is, in
fact, at least so far, a life more filled
with Nomi than ever. The presence of
her absence is haunting; the presen,
of her irreversible absence."
Fein poignantly recounts his reac-
tions immediately after his daughter's
death and during the next four years
as he struggled to defy his dark reali-
ty. He describes his despair and his
doubts with frank clarity and with
brutal honesty.
Also, he sets forth the comfort he
found in his memories of Nomi and
in the kindness of relatives, friends
and the congregation to which she
and David belonged.
Along with other questions, F. ;n
examines the impact of the deaths of
their daughters on ais relationship
with his brother, a leading professor
of public health.
Few readers will remain dry-eyed as
they follow Fein through his harrow-
ing efforts to come to terms with his
cataclysmic bereavement.
Writing the book as part of the
healing process, Fein acknowledges,
was "a way both to keep [Nomi] alive
and to accept the fact of her death."
Part of his motivation for writing is

gantze idyot (complete idiot)! For this I
ran from the Nazis, so my son could
be with a shiksa?"
But Nina was only puppy love.
The "worst" was yet to come. After
attending Columbia University,
Dunow fled to California, where he
fell in love and lived with a non-Jew,
a cocktail waitress named Dagmar.
This created an even sharper rift
between father and son. Regrettably,
Dunow's father died not too long
afterward.
Dunow then broke up with Dagmar,
and knocked around Los Angeles for a
few years — mostly unemployed —
before returning home.
Currently, he is married to Wendy
Owen, who is not Jewish. Their
daughter, Madeleine, is a twin to Max,
the Little Leaguer.
"It was a real identity struggle
between my father and myself,"
Dunow says. "He wanted to impart
the 'Holocaust survivor thing' on me
to make sure I conformed to all of the
Jewish traditions.
"But I wanted my own identity. I
never reconciled with my father in life,
but I communicate with him spiritual-
ly now — and I believe we've recon-
ciled." 0

to transmit to his granddaughter,
Liat, a sense of who her mother was.
This is formally manifested in the
final section, "A Letter to Liat,"
although the two earlier sections,
"Real Time: Life and Death" and
"Meditations and Consolations," also
convey a meaningful portrayal for
Liat to treasure.
This is a highly individualized pres-
entation, but it will have rich meaning
for all who try to deal with the death
of a loved one.
There is a whole library of books on
the subject of death and dying, many
of them particularized for Jews and all
of them trying to make some sense of
the inevitable human end.
One piece of ultimate wisdom is that
there are no answers to the harsh and
unyielding questions and conundrums
of life and death. Religion dauntlessly
tries to treat these issues and the rituals
prescribed by Judaism are certainly
helpful, as Fein points out.
His unique combination of tradition,
secularism and personal analysis offer a
path that was helpful for him and may
indeed be helpful for others. ❑

— Sandee Brawarsky
contributed to this article.

'99

1

ENTIRE

~

Lunch & Dinner

Expires 12/30/2001 1

I.

7:

/ 14174 / ETARIAN

(248) 926-6711
6175 HAGGERTY • WEST BLOOMFIELD

FINE CUISINE IN A RELAXED, CONTEMPORARY SETTING.

Featuring fine traditional and contemporary Italian cuisine as well as
prime Steaks, Chops, Veal, Fish and Seafood. Traditions and quality
continue...Private dining & catering available.

"AN ART IN EATING WELL"

2 1 /2 miles east of The Somerset Collection on Big Beaver Road

phone

248-680-0066

SiNCE 920

THE TRADITION CONTINUES

PRIVATE BANQUET FACILITIES FOR ALL OCCASIONS
r
- r

3

2 OFF PlitB2 '2 OFF FOR 2

BBQ CHICKEN'

SPECIALLY-TRIMMED RIBS

04

,

WITH OR WITHOUT SKIN

ALL DINNERS INCLUDE: SALAD OR COLE
SLAW, POTATOES AND GARLIC BREAD

I ALL DINNERS INCLUDE: SALAD OR COLE
I SLAW, POTATOES AND GARLIC BREAD

GOOD 7 DAYS! ■ Exp. 6-28-2001 A

I GOOD 7 DAYS!

•

Exp. 6-28-2001 JN

•
Brass Pointeg%odk•-&

24234 Orchard Lake Rd., N.E. corner of 10 Mile • 476-1377

A Great Home-Cooked Dining
Tradition Since the 20's

ANN SAYLES
DINING ROOM

Classic ,Nmerican 1 lome-Cooked
at Very Reasonable Prices

Nome-Cooked rood Like
Grandma Used to Make!

• Sauteed Chicken Livers
• Broiled Whitefish
• Lake Perch • Meat Loaf
• Broiled Salmon • Grilled Beef Liver

And So Much More!

MEN ROASTED TURKEY

CUT FROM THE BIRD!

Lunch & Dinner Entrees Include:
Appetizer or Soup, potato, vegetable,
dessert & beverage.

Open 6 Days • Closed Mon. • Carry-Out & Group Parties

4313 W. 13 Mile Rd.

2 Blocks East of Greenfield • Royal Oak

(248) 288-6020 • Fax (248) 288-6020

SINCE 1970

AFFORDABLE
Catering
Home or Office

For the location nearest von
Please :isit:

WWW ,paparomanos.com

6/15
2001

79

