Ask Wendy

More Women Becoming Pallbearers

Dear Wendy:
At every funeral I attend, I
have seen only men bearing the
casket. Does Judaism prohibit
women from being pallbearers?
— Just Wondering
If ever there is a time when peo-
ple cling to custom and ritual, it is
at the end of life. Part of the ritual
of death is to follow traditions
already in place; male pallbearers
happen to be one of those tradi-
tions. (In Jerusalem, another such
tradition is that children, no mat-
ter what their age, do not go to
the cemetery when a parent is
buried.)
It is likely a minhag (tradition)
was established as a matter of
muscle: women were not consid-

ered stroll , enough to
kindergarten the other
carry the casket. But even
day with magic marker
among the Orthodox
on the back of her shirt.
community, the long-held
One of her classmates
tradition is being uproot-
had run a marker along
ed, one piece at a time.
her back. Accordinc, to
Rabbi Shlomo Riskin,
the teacher, who called
chief rabbi of the city of
both sets of parents, it
Efrat, Israel, has broken
WENDY
was done without provo-
ranks and decreed that it
BELZBERG
cation. Our daughter's
is permissible for women
Special to
shirt is ruined. We have
the Jewish News
to be pallbearers for other
heard nothing from the
women. If you are a
parents of the "marker."
member of a Conservative or
Shouldn't that family have called?
Reform community, you have
—Waiting For A Call
most likely already witnessed this
Against whom are you holding
shift.
a grudge: the 5-year-old, the par-
ents or both? Yes, in a perfect
Dear Wendy:
world the parents should have
Our daughter came home from
called and offered to pay the

replacement value of the shirt. But
accidents with paints, markers,
Glue and scissors are routine
among the kindergarten set.
If your daughter's classmate had
pushed her to the ground and
knocked out some of her teeth,
then I'd say a phone call is
required. But marker on the back
of a shirt qualifies as a minor
offense.
I'd be willing to bet this is your
first child. El

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