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hor n by Diana 1

BARBARA LEWIS
Special to the Jewish News

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causes stress, which, in turn, causes
physiological responses. The body's
"fight or flight" response to stress is
useful when a burst of energy is needed
to escape from danger. But perfection-
ism "puts that fight-or-flight switch on
permanently," which can lead to
hypertension, heart disease, irritable
bowel syndrome and a host of other
physical ailments, she said.
The toxic effects of perfectionism are
cumulative, sometimes reaching across
generations, said Dr. Hollander, who is
trained in psychiatry and internal medi-
cine. "Biography is biology" she said.
"Our life experience shapes our health."
A child who experiences the death of
a parent or sibling is more likely to
experience stress-related problems as an
adult. Adult children of Holocaust sur-
vivors also experience above-average
stress levels, she said.

. most observers, Brenda
Rosenberg seemed to have
it all: a glamorous, globe-
trotting career as a high-
ranking fashion
fashion executive, a
Bloomfield Hills home with a
Mercedes and a Jaguar in the garage
featured in a Style magazine layout, a
spot in the Detroit News' Best-Dressed
Hall of Fame, a lengthy marriage to
her high school sweetheart during
which she hadn't even gained weight
But Rosenberg wasn't happy because
she felt her life wasn't perfect. "I lived
for perfection, and I almost died for
perfection," she told an audience of
nearly 400 at Temple Beth El in a pro-
gram on "Women and Perfectionism -
Myth and Madness." The April 26
event was sponsored by the Jewish
Women's Foundation of Metropolitan
Detroit and supported by the Temple
Always More
Beth El Sisterhood.
Perfectionism tells us what we have is
Rosenberg's feelings of emptiness and disappointment led to severe depression.
not enough, and that we'll be happy if only we have more of whatever it is we're
She recovered, she said, only after she realized she had been defining happiness
lacking — more money, more power, a thinner body, said Dr. Jill Syme of
by outside achievements and material acquisitions. The spiritual connection
Bloomfield Hills. Its a vicious cycle of striving that never leads to happiness,
was missing," she said. Her inward spiritual journey enabled her to
because more is never enough."
understand who she was and to accept herself as she was instead of
Dr. Syme, an organizational psychologist and spiritual healer, said
"Women and
how she thought others wanted her to be.
when body, mind or spirit becomes overly dominant, the result can be
Perfectionism" speakers illness, or at the very least, "dis-ease."
Striving to fulfill an unrealistic image of perfection at the expense
Dr. Jill Syme, Brenda
of women's own well being was a recurring theme among the four
Too many of us pay too little attention to the spirit, she said.
Rosenberg, Dr.
speakers at the forum, as was the connection between body, mind
Spiritual practices, such as meditation and prayer, may not be logical
and spirit.
Roberta Toll and Dr. or rational but can lead to inner wisdom and stunning discoveries.
Debra Hollander.
"Spirituality tunes into that 'still, small voice' within us," said Dr.
Syme. It is a "journey of self-acceptance."
Impossible Goals
"We were put on earth to make mistakes, to learn and grow from them
Dr. Roberta Toll of Bloomfield Hills, a clinical psychologist, defined unhealthy
and to grow closer to God." By listening to the spirit, she said, we can learn
perfectionism as "striving compulsively towards impossible goals."
that "nothing is perfect, but paradoxically, we are all perfect exactly where
Most successful women harbor fears that others will discover they're not per-
we are.
fect after all. "Small errors lead to feelings of humiliation, distress and sleepless
Women in the audience said the program gave them a lot to think about.
nights," she said.
"The speakers made me aware of why we do certain things," said Charlene
Today's culture fosters this compulsion, she said. Women are pressured to fol-
Hazan of Bloomfield Hills. "This will help me re-evaluate whether I'm doing
low the male model of achievement in the workplace, but also judged by physi-
things for my own benefit or because our culture expects me to do them."
cal appearance.
Barbara Aronow of Southfield said she's had to struggle against perfectionism,
Biologically, women are engineered to store body fat, but the super-slim
and thinks the problem is worsening in society "It's interesting how pervasive
model — actually a deviation from the norm — is seen as the "perfect" body,
the idea of the 'ideal' body has become. I'm concerned about young women
said Dr. Toll. The pressure to achieve this "perfect" appearance can cause eating
growing up today, because there seems to be a lot more emphasis on physical
disorders, panic attacks, depression and compulsive behaviors. "The burden of
perfection than there was when I was growing up."
maintaining the perfect body image is costly," she said.
Elaine Harris, a retired teacher from Southfield, said the program would have
Dr. Debra Hollander of West Bloomfield said physicians are becoming
been valuable for "all the working women who are out there striving for perfec-
increasingly aware of the toxic effects of perfectionism. The quest for perfection
tion who were not able to be here because they were working."

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Perfectionism panel warns of the dangers
of never being satisfied.

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