kids come to my house. You've got to make things happen.
"As Danny gets older, the gap gets bigger between him and
the other kids," Friedman says. At age 13, "he wants homework
and wants to change his clothes in gym class like the ocher kids."
Friedman takes pride in Danny's social skills. "In school,
he learned to raise his hand and to sit in his seat."
Outside of school, she says, "I never hid him. Everybody
knows Danny. Even to this day, they let him use the scan-
ner at Farmer Jack's.
"I wanted to teach him to get along in this world, to read
certain things on a menu, to go to the bathroom alone.
He's learned to survive. He knows what he needs to do."

Spiritual Soul

Danny Friedman and
Rabbi Elliot Pachter
stand over the Torah
at Binai Moshe.

3/23
2001

16

DREAM from page 14

"This is Danny's first year of middle school and we're start-
ing all over again," she says.
Friedman agreed to try a classroom composed of kids
with varied special needs — but with her own set of rules.
"When the other kids go swimming once a week, I told
the teacher, 'I want academics for Danny."'
During this time, Danny stays in the classroom and uses
the Edmark program with "peer pal" Jenna Krinsky.
Chastitie Fouchey, his special education teacher, also has two
para-pros, Judith Crane and Cookie Syrop, in her classroom.
Danny's day includes group work on calendar, weather,
job skills and cooking. He works one-on-one with Crane in
reading and math.
"Danny is a social butterfly," says Fouchey.
At lunchtime, he sometimes eats with kids from his class-
room and other times with old friends from elementary
school. "At the Valentine's Day dance for the whole school,
the girls asked Danny to dance," she says. "He fits in."
Friedman says, "Danny loves kids. I've always had him
with regular kids in school, at home and at camp," she says
of another hurdle she crossed.
"When it came time for Danny to go to camp the first
time, I talked to so many camps. I begged them to give this
kid a chance.
"When it didn't work out," she says, "I created camps. I had

The synagogue is a very important place in Friedman's life,
and she made sure it was for her children, too.
"We started talking about a Jewish education for Danny a
couple of years ago," says Rabbi Elliot Pachter of B'nai Moshe.
"Danny has come to shul for several years now," the rabbi
says. He goes to minyan with his zayde on Sundays. When
I call the kids up to the bima [dais] for Ain Keloheinu or
Adon Olam [on Shabbat] sometimes kids don't come up,
but Danny always does. He takes over.
"I wish I could double and triple Danny, for his spiritual-
ity and love of the synagogue," he says.
Impressed with Danny's accomplishments, Rabbi Pachter
says he told the class of seventh-graders he teaches at Hillel
Day School of Metropolitan Detroit they "should do them-
selves a favor and come to Danny's service.
"It's going to be tremendous, a great simchah."
Cantor Earl Berris has been working with Danny for 16
months on blessings and prayers in the Shabbat service.
"You sound more like me every day," the cantor told Danny
at a recent lesson. A session with Danny includes more than
practicing words and tunes. They decide where he should
stand on the bima and practice the hand washing and chal-
lah holding that will take place the day of Danny's service.
"I need to do my speech again," Danny says as he realizes
he skipped a line.
So, over and over he reviews such declarations as, "Today I
am a man," and "I want to thank Nina," while his mom sits in
the sanctuary mouthing the words she clearly knows by heart.
When the cantor dares to be serious, instructing Danny,
"Don't act. Don't be Cantor Berris, be Danny," Danny
looks at him and grins. Quite loudly, he says into the
microphone in the near-empty, echoing sanctuary, "I love
you, Cantor Berris!"
At the end of the lesson, Danny gets a "thumbs up"
from the cantor, who looks Danny in the eye and says,
"Great job."

A Mother's Dedication

Not only did Friedman make certain Danny found his
place, but in fighting for him, she also found her own.
Separated from Danny's father when Danny was 1 year old
and divorced when he was 5, she says, "When I left
Danny's father, I had two suitcases, two kids and a dog. I
had nothing. I moved in with my parents."
She earned her master's degree in social work. Knowing
that her professional life had to revolve around the care of
her children, she works as an independently contracted
social worker.
Along the way, she joined and helped create programs for
families of children with Down syndrome, including a moms
group and a group to tell other parents about the syndrome.

