EDITOR'S NO1110011
LETTERS
Letters are posted
and archived on JN Online:
WWW.d.etroitjewishnews.com
The Way We Marry
I
ntermarriage may be inevitable in a society where Jews easily interact with
those of other faiths and cultures, but we don't have to accept it as a
norm. To slow this trend, we should change the climate that has allowed
such marriages to grow in number.
So said a nationally known Jewish communal professional in remarks last
week in Bloomfield Township before the local chapter of the American Jewish
Committee, a human-relations agency.
"Are we so deeply assimilated, there's no reason not to marry
out?" asked Dr. Steven Bayme, the Riverdale, N.Y.-based direc-
tor of the AJCommittee's Department of Contemporary Jewish
Life.
It was a thoughtful and provocative question. Bayme argued
that marriage between Jews is coveted, but not reinforced
enough by Jewish community leaders. -
His appearance came the same week he and 25 other Jewish
activists challenged Jewish communal leaders to speak up
ROBERT A. strongly for Jews marrying Jews.
SKLAR
Bayme and company said they hope to restore "the ideals". of
"in-marriage" by promoting "its importance to the future of the
Editor
Jewish community and to the preservation of Judaism and the
Jewish people."
Sociologist Egon Mayer, founding director of the
Jewish Outreach Institute in New York City, which
promotes outreach to unaffiliated and intermarried
families, called the statement comical. In a Jewish
Telegraphic Agency story, he asked: "They're going to
make speeches to people who, in every other aspect,
are integrated into American life, and expect those
people to listen?"
A 1990 national Jewish population study found a
52-percent rate of intermarriage, although some
demographers think the percentage is somewhat lower.
Campus Influence
Dr. Steven Bayme
One way to combat a better-than-50-percent inter-
marriage rate is to take a hard look at where our
young people go to college, Bayme said.
"Hillel says there are 50 university choices with the mo s t creative, vital and
dense Jewish experiences," he said. "Why shouldn't we steer our young people
to these schools with a Jewish presence?"
It doesn't just matter what Jews do when it comes to choosing a mate, he
said. "It also matters what their attitudes and perceptions are — and those .
things can be changed."
Bayme was shocked when a majority of American Jews surveyed by the
AJCommittee said they regarded marriage between a Jew and a gentile neutral or
positive rather than negative — a sharp break from the traditional Jewish view.
A majority also said that it wouldn't bother them if a child married a gentile.
Half said to oppose intermarriage is racist. Only a quarter felt the best response
to mixed marriage is to encourage the gentile partner's conversion to Judaism.
Rabbi Maria Feldman of the Jewish Community Council of Metropolitan
Detroit heard Bayme's talk. "It is not enough to tell our youth 'just say no' to
intermarriage," she said. "The outreach efforts of many area congregations, and
our increasing focus on Jewish education and creating positive Jewish experi-
ences for our youth, are critical steps in addressing this concern."
A key goal of Bayme's group is to help couples consider conversion because
Jewish tradition makes no distinction between a born Jew and a converted Jew.
That's a worthy goal, but, in my view, raising the children as Jews should be
a higher priority than trying to coax unwilling gentile parents to convert. Chil-
dren with a Jewish identity and heritage, but not Jewishly literate or inspired,
are a bigger threat to Jewish continuity.
Jews marrying Jews is the ideal, certainly. But there should be a place for
inclusivity in our hearts, too.
As Bayme put it: "We have an obligation to hold out norms and standards,
but to also be inclusive of those who don't meet them, for whatever reasons." ❑
School Worth
Fighting For
I'd like to thank the Jewish News for
the article that addressed the dilemma
faced by Congregation Shaarey
Zedek's Beth Hayeled nursery school
("Parent Power," March 2, page 12).
The question raised was the viabili-
ty of the Southfield preschool in an
ever-changing environment of big
schools with big enrollment. While
the article was factual, it did not con-
vey the actual reason why we, the par-
ents, led such a diligent, spirited fight
to keep our school open.
We are blessed. We are blessed to
have wonderful, qualified teachers
with years of educational experience.
With- the present size of our existing
classes, they are able to give our chil-
dren one-on-one attention. Our
teaching staff has dedicated their lives
to Jewish education. The quality of
our program is state-of-the-art, while
blanketing out children in a heimish
[home-like] environment.
We are lucky to have involved -
enthusiastic rabbis who are present in
our classrooms, acquainting our chil-
dren with our synagogue home. The
Southfield branch is able to reach a
unique range of communities blend-
ing together children from Franklin to
Clawson, Farmington Hills to Royal
Oak, West Bloomfield to Huntington
Woods, Oak Park to Birmingham.
Our family is enhanced by its blend
of communities.
Parents have chosen Beth Hayeled
Southfield. They have chosen the
excellent education, the knowledge-
able teachers, the nurturing environ-
ment, the ruach [spirit]. They have
chosen to be a part of the Shaarey
Zedek family. We indeed are very
blessed to be a part of the communi-
ty, a community that is strong, viable
and committed.
Karen Alpiner
Southfield
No Denying
Parent Power
Though I have never written a letter
to the Jewish News before, I felt that
as a teacher for 12 years at Congrega-
tion Shaarey Zedek Beth Hayeled, I
had to let people know what I have
experienced the last few weeks ("Par-
ent Power," March 2, page 12).
LETTERS
on page 6
BECAUSE
EVERY
CHILD
IS PART
OF OUR
COMMUNITY
JARC
Merle and Shirley Harris
Children and
Family Division
Services for children with special
needs and their families.
✓ Outreach, support,
information, referral and
advocacy for families
✓ Educational and social
programs for families
✓ In-home respite care with a
trained JARC staff person
✓ Case management with a
person-centered focus
✓ Funding for aides so children
with special needs can
participate in recreational
activities with their non-
disabled peers
✓ Comprehensive supports to
help children with special
needs successfully attend
religious schools
Thanks to The Jewish Fund
and Jewish Federation of
Metropolitan Detroit for their
support of the Harris Division.
Call JARC at
248-538-6610
•
30301 Northwestern Hwy.
Suite 100
Farmington Hills, MI 48334
3/16
2001
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