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JOURNEY
JEWISH
I
Sixth in a year-long series exploring Jewish Family Education and the ways in which your family can experience Judaism together.
"Train up children in the way they should go, and when they are old they will not depart from it"
—Proverbs 22:6
Stops Along the Way:
Bar/bat mitzvah is a right of passage, correct? Perhaps, for today's family, it should be
re-named a wrong of passage. What was originally designed as the opportunity for
children to publicly declare their commitment to living as a Jewish adult has often
become an extravagant celebration accompanied by a little service. A bar/bat mitzvah is
and places:
not something that you have; it is something that you become.
Luggage (or shall we say baggage):
When planning the bar/bat mitzvah it is crucial for parents to
recognize where they are coming from. Many of the mothers of
b'nai mitzvah students did not have the privilege of having a
ceremony, as many congregations were not yet egalitarian—
thereby making b'nai mitzvah a personally foreign concept for
us. Many parents feel insecure about our own level of Jewish knowledge or commitment,
but boy, do we know how to throw a party. Many children are over-stimulated and
over-programmed, and encouraging serious reflection about the upcoming process adds
Since becoming a bar/bat mitzvah is a process, not an event, treat the
preparation as such. As a family, pay a visit to the following people
• Your rabbi—s/he can provide insights into the planning process and
help to personalize your family's relationship to the synagogue.
• The bookstore—buy a family scrapbook to save memorabilia from the entire process.
• A charitable organization—by encouraging your child to give a portion of the money
that s/he receives on his/her bar/bat mitzvah to charity, s/he begins to develop an
understanding of the responsibility that comes with one Jew caring for another. Help
him/her select that charity by visiting as many as possible and seeing which causes
resonate with him/her.
• A social action opportunity—teach your child that Tzedakah is not simply about
giving money, but also about giving time. Get your hands dirty by working with a
particular organization for an extended period of time.
• Your congregation—the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony will hold a lot more meaning if
your entire family is familiar with the Shabbat service.
another stress.
• The internet—encourage your child to find a pen pal on the internet, perhaps in
Israel, who is approaching his/her bar/bat mitzvah ceremony as well. This helps your
child to recognize that s/he is part of a global Jewish community.
Fuel Tank (resources):
• Also visit www.mjoe.org , the Michigan Jewish Online Education site all about the
Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony.
Use these experiences to your advantage.
• Discuss with your child your bar/bat mitzvah experience
(or lack thereof) and why it contained or lacked meaning.
Roadblock:
• Use the preparation time as an opportunity to advance
your own level of Jewish knowledge.
"Doesn't this all seem like a dead-end? Come Monday morning, life returns
to normal, with the exception of the bills that have to be paid?"
• Allow your child personal time to explore his/her own connections to. Judaism and make
his/her bar/bat mitzvah a priority by eliminating one of his/her other commitments.
Yes, a sense of calm may return to your house. However, your home can
Utilize the following books:
Bar and Bat Mitzvah Basics, edited by Cantor Helen Leneman, Jewish Lights Publishing,
Woodstock, Vermont: 1996.
The Complete Bar and Bat Mitzvah Book: Everything You Need to Plan a Meaningful
Celebration, Patti Moskovitz, Career Press, Franklin Lakes, New Jersey: 2000.
or
Putting God on the Guest List: How to Reclaim the Spiritual Meaning of Your Child's Bar
Bat Mitzvah, Rabbi Jeffery K. Salkin, Jewish Lights Publishing, Woodstock, Vermont: 1996.
feel different.
• Encourage your child to begin to save some of his/her allowance for
tzedakah, and to continue to work with the social action organization that s/he chose.
• Continue to go to services, thereby allowing your child to wear his/her tallit, to lead
services and to continue to cultivate the personal relationships that s/he developed
with the clergy.
While
it is obvious that s/he is not an adult, assign him/her more responsibility
•
around the house.
• Keep learning together, as individuals and as a family.
As your family approaches this rite of passage, bear in mind that it is only the beginning:
it."
"You are not obliged to complete the task, nor are you free to desist from
-Pirkei Avot, Ethics of the Fathers, 2:21.
Written by Amy Wagner, M.A.J.C.S.
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Jewish
WI
6735 Telegraph Road, P.O. Box 203 I
Bloomfield Hills, MI 48303-203
Phone (248) 645-7860 • FAX (248) 645-7867
e-mail: jeff@ajedetroit.org • www.ajedetroit.org/jeff.htm
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"Take a Jewish Journey with J.E.F.F." is a monthly addition to the Detroit Jewish News.