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Talking Back

I

sat across from a Reform rabbi
who had come to my parents'
house to make a shivah (mourn-
ing) call. I crowded into the din
of conversation of friends and family
sharing sorrow over my grandmother's
death. He sat on a leather couch; I sat
on a chaise against the wall, wrapped
in thought, concerned with memory.
"Lynne," he called across the room.
"Do me a favor. Before you shave off
your hair and start wearing a wig,
come to my office so I can give you
some sensible Reform ideology, OK?"
The room became silent. I couldn't
believe I'd heard him correctly.
My grandmother died after 83
years of a sad life. When she was 19,
her mother died, and she endured
decades of depression and the apathy
of others mired in busy lives. The
worst thing people said about her
after she died was, "She had so
much potential."
She was a smart woman with a
wry sense of humor. She rarely
smiled, and her remarks-often
stunned listeners. At the nursing
home, her unbridled honesty, aptly,
but not diplomatically, characteriz-
ing relatives, made me laugh. When

Lynne Cohn Schreiber, a former Jew-
ish News staff writer, writes for the
Detroit News, Woman's Day, Hockey
Digest and Traverse Magazine. She also
is working on a book about the
Halachah (Jewish law) of hair-covering.

PP; "Nrci

I became reli-
gious, she didn't
blink. In fact,
when I visited
her after I got
married, wearing
a hat to cover
my hair, she
glanced at the
blue beret and
LYNNE COHN said, "You look
SCHREIBER
good in hats."
Community
I wish all Jews
Views
could be as gra-
cious as my
grandmother
was about my decision to become
observant. I fell in love with Shabbos
in 1995 and gradually took on one
mitzvah after another. I learned with
rabbis, read the kosher laws before
separating milk and meat in my
apartment. I met "modern" leaders
and stayed at right-wing homes. I
became an occasional bat bayit
(daughter of the house) in an Oak
Park home until I bought a bunga-
low within walking distance of the
synagogue.
I visited Machon L'Torah, Aish
HaTorah and Ohr Somayach — all
ways into observance for people with
little or no understanding of
Judaism, people like me. I was so
welcomed into the Orthodox com-
munity that it never occurred to me
that I'd face resistance from the
community that raised me.
But I did and I do.

It's Who I Am

I've argued with relatives and non-reli-
gious friends about why I keep kosher
differently than the Conservative; why
I can't be in photographs on Saturday.
Thankfully, my parents now accept
who I am.
In fact, my mother has struck up a
close consumer relationship with Sper-
ber's Kosher Catering so that whenev-
er I visit, she has food for me, and my
father emptied the basement refrigera-
tor to fill with kosher food.
Yet many people can't accept that I
made a decision for myself, for my
life, that refutes what they do. When I
say that I have always been searching
for meaning and found it in the
Torah, nonobservant Jews cluck their
tongues and remind me not to
become a fanatic. The most under-
standing people have been Catholic
friends, who often drop by on Shab-
bos to sing at my table.
Still, I have heard enough admoni-
tions not to have too many children,
not to "let them run wild," not to
descend into the imagined squalor of
the religious community. I'm sick of
convincing friends that I will not sud-
denly wear frumpy clothes. I'm sick of
explaining why I wear hats indoors.
I've fielded enough questions about
how I can possibly maintain relation-
ships if I don't go to treife (non-
kosher) restaurants, as if friendship
depended solely on eating. I've never
spent much time talking about what I
eat — food never mattered to me

before and it matters even less now.
Believe me, if I go without a meal
for a few hours, I'll live. •

What Torah Teaches

Maybe if my grandmother had
lived on her own instead of in nursing
homes, she would've minded my
observance.
One of the things I remember
most was visiting her on Sundays
and gobbling up the tuna fish with
chopped egg sandwiches she made
especially for me. But I don't think
she'd mind. As much as we criticized
her for it, my grandmother was her
own person with plenty of opinions.
I think she would've admired me for
figuring out my identity and stick-
ing to it.
I'm not going to preach tolerance
because I don't believe we should tol-
erate transgressions against the Torah.
Other Jews might say they don't
believe they should tolerate someone
who won't eat in their house.
So I suggest that we do what the
Torah teaches: love people, not their
philosophies.
Few women today actually shave
their heads before donning a wig.
Even if I wanted to shear off my curly
hair, whose business is it anyway? I
don't know how we can consider our-
selves one people when community
leaders are so filled with venom for
their religious counterparts, and when
their only understanding comes from
stereotype. ❑

Preparing For Transition

Washington, D.C.
yen before the votes were
counted in this week's Israeli
elections, Congressional lead-
ers and the Bush Administra-
tion were signaling their readiness to
work with a government led by Ariel
Sharon and warning the Arabs against
using his victory as an excuse for esca-
lating the war Arafat launched last
September.
Senate Republican and Democratic
leaders Trent Lott and Tom Daschle,
and House Speaker Dennis Hastert
and Minority Leader Richard
Gephardt prepared their message as
Secretary of State Colin Powell and

18

Douglas M. Bloomfield, a former
executive director of the America Israel
Public Affairs Committee, is a writer
and analyst in Washington.

2/9

2001

32

National Security
Advisor Con-
doleezza Rice
were going
oinc, b on the
Sunday talk
shows.
Their implicit
message to both
sides: keep calm.
Powell made it
DOUGLAS M.
clear the Bush
BLOOMFIELD
Administration
Special
had no intention
Commentary
of meddling in
the Israeli elec-
tions, as Bill Clinton did once again
when he gave his first post-presidency
interview to Israeli television last week
and offered Prime Minister Ehud
Barak his ringing endorsement. Powell
also said Sharon "has indicated that he
will try to do nothing that will pro-

yoke violence-"
That was an encouraging sign for
those who thought Clinton over-
indulged Arafat by making him the
foreign leader with the most Oval
Office visits, despite his resumption of
violence. Arafat's name was conspicu-
ously missing from the list of foreign
leaders President Bush phoned in his
first two weeks in office, while Barak
was near the top.

Evidence Of Planning

But stopping the violence won't be
that easy.
Sharon's election will be no more the
cause for escalating violence than his
Temple Mount visit — but it may be
used as an excuse. Yasser Arafat had
been planning last fall's explosions well
in advance, and the evidence can be
found in a detailed report Israel's For-

eign Ministry (www.rnfa.gov.il/rnfa)
submitted to the international commis-
sion investigating the outbreak. The
commission is led by former U.S. Sena-
tor George Mitchell.
The report is chock full of hard evi-
dence, including lists of terrorists,
•
media reports, the statements of Pales-
tinian leaders, videotapes of Palestin-
ian children being trained to slit
Israeli throats, incendiary sermons
from the mosques and the drumbeat
of hatred on the Palestinian media.
One of the subtexts of the intifada
has been the battle for succession to the
ailing Arafat. Like any dictator, he has
refused to pick an heir and prefers to
keep ambitious aspirants off balance.
Many of the contenders — all
familiar names — show up on the

PREPARING on page 34