Ask Wendy

The Cost Of A Wedding
Involves More Than Money

Dear Wendy:
I recently got engaged.
Both my parents are dead
and my in-laws have
offered to pay for the wed-
ding. I can afford to pay
for it myself, but the wed-
ding would have to be
much smaller than my
fiancE and I would like.
Should I let my in-laws
pay?

—

WENDY
BELZBERG

Sp ecial to
the Jewish News

Who Should Pay?

Does their signature on
the bottom of the checks entitle your
in-laws to select the venue, flowers,
menu and guest list? If so, you should
weigh the benefits of an enhanced
budget against a potential power

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struggle between you and
your new family.
No matter what assurances
are made up front, money
— whether it's a matter of
too much or too little — is
a lightning rod.
And chuppahs (wedding
canopies) seem to attract
more than their fair share of
electrical storms.

Dear Wendy:
My daughter has many children.
The two older boys, ages 15 and 13,
have serious fights with each other
and she does not know how to stop

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Appelinan

rtARD, LD/N

Bubbie: It's nice that you're con-
cerned, but perhaps you play a larg-
er part in this situation than you let
on. What was the dynamic between
you and your husband when your
daughter was living at home? What
kind of a role model were you?
Instead of writing to me, maybe
you should be at your daughter's
house trying to model and instill
self-confidence. Better late than
never. ❑

— Concerned Bubbie
I don't care how tall they are or
how strong, the boys are children
and your daughter is the adult. The
cowardly way out is for her to sit
down with the boys and her hus-
band and lay out the consequence
for fighting.
But if your daughter doesn't want
to have the same problems with the
other children coming up the line, it's
time she stood tall, fearless and alone
on this issue. Simply put, it should be
clear that, at the very least, mom's the
boss when dad's not home.

GET IN SHAPE

\L I RI I ION

Patricia A.

them. She fears they will injure one
another. They never fight when
their father is home; he would not
allow it.

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1/5
2001

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