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Spirituality

December

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Interfaith families' dilemma:

JULIE WIENER

Jewish Telegraphic Agency.

New York

R

abbi Mark Levin planned to attend a
ritual circumcision this holiday season
just a few feet away from a Christmas
tree.
The Reform rabbi didn't know about the deco-
rated evergreen until the baby's mother, who is
Jewish, and one of his congregants called to make
the arrangements and mentioned the tree as an
afterthought.
Rabbi Levin, the spiritual leader of Congregation
Beth Torah in Overland Park, Kan., said he'll still
go to the ceremony. But it does-
n't make him happy to see a
Jewish child grow up with a
Christian symbol in the living
room.
"Clearly, I don't agree that
people ought to have Christmas
trees in their homes," he said.
"On the other hand, I do agree
that people have autonomous
rights to do in their homes as
they please."
With abundant commer-
cials, carols and "holiday spe-
cials" crowding the airwaves,

and bright red and green decorations adorning most
neighborhoods, American Jews can scarcely ignore
Christmas. Many complain of the "December dilemma,"
the feeling that Chanukah is overshadowed by the holi-
day commemorating Jesus' birth.
But for Jews married to Christians, December creates a
different dilemma: It is the time of year when the cultural
differences between husband and wife are most evident.
Even in interfaith families where the children are being
raised solely as Jews, the Christian spouse often wants to
have a Christmas tree.
For many Christians, and even those who have converted
to Judaism, the tree is simply a nostalgic symbol of family
togetherness.
"I will have people say, 'Don't make me give up my tree
— I could care less about Christian theology, but it
reminds me of a fun time in my childhood,' "said Rabbi
Levin.
Ellen Morgan, a Catholic married to a Jew, Sheldon
Zenner, in Evanston, Ill., said, "Non-Christians rend to
view the tree as something religious, much more than
Christians do."
Trees have "nothing to do with my Catholic upbringing,"
she said. She added, "For someone raised a devout Christian,
Christmas is a nativity scene."
As for the Jewish partner, while some "are delighted to
have a tree in their house — it's something they have always
wanted," a lot "can't stomach it," observed Rabbi Sandra
Cohen of Temple Micah, a Reform synagogue in Denver.
For some, the failure to stomach the tree stems from hay-

Compromise and

DIANA LIEBERMAN

Special to the Jewish. News

B

Puihan brothers —
0 , 7, and Caleb, 3 — display
menorahs, with the 14, of parents

12/22
2000

58

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,

efore they married, Dr. Gary and
Ann Duchan of Huntington
Woods were so worried about
their religious differences that they
broke up for three years.
Now Gary, who is Jewish, and Ann, who
is Catholic, have been married 10 years.
Their home is totally Jewish.
"When we were first married, it really
was an emotional time for us," Ann Duchan
recalls. "It's been an evolution. As I've gotten
more involved in Chanukah, having
Christmas has become less important to
,,
me.
The Duchans and their four sons,

Benjamin, 9; Jacob, 7; Noah, 5; and Caleb,
3, are members of Congregation Shir
Tikvah. They celebrate Chanukah in their
home. They usually go to Ann's mother's
home around Christmas, receive gifts and
enjoy the tree as "grandma's holiday"
"Last year, we were on vacation, so we
had a little wire tree and a few little orna-
ments," Ann says. "We had peppermint
milk shakes, like we did when I was growing
up.
Ann Duchan has not converted to
Judaism. However, she says, "I am not the
same Catholic person I was. I light candles
and say blessings; I bake challah every
Friday"
Gary Duchan says there are too much
emphasis placed on superficial aspects of the

