JEWISH
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JOURNEY
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J . E . F. F.
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Fourth in a year-long series exploring Jewish Family Education and the ways in which your family can experience Judaism together.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you..." --Rabbi Hillel
AT THE INTERSECTION:
First, we must define our terms. Mensch? Can anybody really wrap his brain around this con-
Since being a Mensch is something that we must constantly work on. Joel Lurie Grishaver, a
noted Jewish educator, suggests in his "Ten Things Which Tend To Turn Kids Into Mensches,"
cept that is so fundamental in the lives of Jewish people everywhere. Even if we search the
world over for her, if he is hunted down, we will all soon discover that Mensch has numerous
translations, angles and definitions. Decent, honest, kind, responsible, compassionate, fair, aware.
These adjectives, standing on their own, do not do justice to the notion of menschlikeit. But
perhaps, woven together, these secular ideas begin to give us a glimpse of the tapestry of
menschlikeit in Judaism.
that each family examine a list if Midot and write its own definition of a Mensch. This family
creed can be hung on the refrigerator, next to a list of Menschy Midot. These can serve as a
point of reference for your family, but because menschlikeit is regularly evolving, remember to
occasionally re-group as a family to edit your creed.
THE LUGGAGE:
"But my kids are good kids."
For this particular journey you will need one of the duffel bags—
worthwhile to put their already exemplary behaviors in a Jewish
ROADBLOCKS:
If your kids are already perfect little Mensches—terrific. It is
you know—the big ones that you get at the camping goods store.
context. Make them aware that when they are being helpful, doing
Mitzvot, or working hard in school, that in fact they are doing a
And if you can get one with wheels, even better. Because the Jewish
journey of Mensch-making is one that last forever. For, it is a
Mensch who is always trying to improve him/herself. A Mensch is a
person who is incomplete and welcomes that void. A Mensch is an
individual who enables those around him/her to examine
themselves—to join the journey of Mensch-making.
very Jewish thing. And for those rare occasions when your children
may misbehave, remind them that saying, "I am sorry, I was
wrong" is one of the greatest phrases that a Mensch can utter.
N.V 7M,'S.V 3M s.g
dfik..!
"I teach my kids by example."
Perfect! After all, parents are the greatest teachers a child can have. If you exhibit Menschy
behavior, odds are, your child will pick that up. Try to make it deliberate—let your children
BUILDING BRIDGES:
in on your thought process. When a bill at restaurant errs in your favor and you let the wait-
This Mensch thing is not easy. And that is part of what makes a Mensch a Mensch—the
person know, talk to your kids about why you made that decision. Volunteer together as a
recognition that the road of life is filled with a variety of construction zones. So then how do
family. Apologize to your children when you hurt them, or make a mistake that affects them.
we even get started? Mensch-making is about relationship-building. The way in which we
Being a "do-as-I-say, not-as-I-do" parent, accomplishes very little. But even better than that is
approach people and situations is indicative of the level of menschlikeit in our souls. If we
being a "do-as-I-do" parent, is being a "do-as-I-do and do-it-with-me" parent!
approach our friends and enemies with both honesty and compassion, if we attempt to raise
a situation, not just our own egos—simply put, if we bring a small element of holiness to
each interaction in our day, then we have begun to cross the bridge of menschlikeit.
STOPS ALONG THE WAY:
All of these adjectives—holy, kind, compassionate—well,
FUEL TANK:
As we have established, this Mensch thing is not easy.
Be open to seeking out help, from your congregation,
from J.E.F.F. and from your child's school. At home, use
the following resources:
they are all very nice. But something concrete may be a
little more helpful. What are some behaviors which are
www.clickonjudaism.com
indicative of a Mensch? Judaism provides us with a rather
www.jewishfamily.com
extensive list, the Midot Tovot (Midot, for short) which are
defined as good qualities. Here is just a sampling of the
Midot:
• Hesed=being sensitive to the needs of others
• Kavod=honoring others
• Lo Tikkalal=not cursing or insulting others
• Shalom Bayit=maintaining family peace
• Avodah Tovah=doing the best possible job
To Raise A Jewish Child:A Guide for Parents, by Rabbi Hayim Halevy Donin, Basic Books,
Inc. New York: 1977.
Raising Your Child to be a Mensch, by Neil Kurshan, Macmillan Publishing, New York: 1987.
I0 Things Which Tend To Turn Kids Into Mensches, by Joel Lurie Grishaver, Torah Aura
Productions, Los Angeles, 1995.
"..And the rest is commentary."
Written by Amy Wagner
6735 Telegraph Road, P.O. Box 2031
Bloomfield Hills, MI 48303-2031
Phone (248) 645-7860 • FAX (248) 645-7867
e-mail: jeff©ajedetroit.org • www.ajedetroit.org/jeff.htm
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