Ask Wendy Don't Underestimate Your Rabbi's Counseling Skills Dear Wendy: My husband and I have hit a rough patch in our marriage and we both agree that we need help. I suggested we go see a couples' therapist. He insists we talk to our rabbi instead. What would you rec- ommend? age capital campaigns. Consider the rabbi's qualifi- cations, his ability to make a long-term commitment (are sessions bumped for funerals, brit ceremonies and communi- ty emergencies?) and his past success rates. Then go into therapy with a — Therapist Or Rabbi? couples' therapist. Would you WE NDY Congratulations. Not only go to a general practitioner if BELZ BERG have you discovered a brand you were diagnosed with breast Speci at to new topic to fight about, you cancer? Therapists are specifi- the Jewi sh News cally trained to treat couples in have avoided getting into coun- seling. Keep up the good work crisis. Your marriage is in trou- and you'll be sitting on opposite sides of ble. Don't take any chances: seek help a lawyer's conference table. from the best. (Queen Elizabeth of Accommodate each other by inter- England didn't take chances when it came viewing both the rabbi and the therapist. to son Charles' circumcision. She hired a Rabbis are under-consulted; they have mohel.) expert skills beyond their ability to man- Dear Wendy: My in-laws are always giving our chil- dren extravagant gifts. My husband and I are worried that the children are being spoiled and will come to expect gifts on a regular basis. This goes against all of our values. Still, my husband is reluctant to say anything to his parents. Is it appropri- ate for me to say something or should I force him to do it? — Overindulged? My mother-in-law would argue that it is a grandparent's right to give their grandchildren everything their parents will not. (When my sons sleep over at her house, they eat cake and ice cream for breakfast with several helpings of candy for snack. Definitely against all of my val- ues.) But I have decided that the special relationship my children have with their grandparents far outweighs my dietary 4 Eldercare Home Care Grou Providing quality care for over 10 years. • Available 24 Hours • Reliable • Personal Care • Bonded/Insured • Hourly or live-in care Serving Wayne, Oakland and Macomb Co. 800-571-2273 concerns. I know many people who land on therapists' couches discussing their parents' shortcomings; I don't know any- one who seeks help in resolving their grandparents' excesses. That said, if you truly view your in- laws' behavior as excessive, not merely indulgent, it doesn't matter which one of you tells them so as long as it is clear that you are in agreement. Your in-laws may be offended or hurt, but your concerns for your children and what's best for them come first. Have a direct and hon- est conversation with them. You can't expect your in-laws to read your mind. < ❑ Write to "Ask Wendy" at 954 Lexington Ave. #189, New York, NY 10021, or e-mail askwendy@thejewishnews.com 1*!'7''rrKtv: -k ' c i7e:V 40' Daniel D. Sherbert, M.D., F.A.C.S WEST MAPLE PLASTIC SURGERY • Breast • Face • Tummy Tucks • Liposuction • Lip Augmentation • Laser Surgery for Facial Wrinkles • Reconstruction Breast Surgery 5807 W. Maple Rd., Suite 177, West Bloomfield Phone: (248) 865-6400 Fax: (248) 865-6404 Maria I. Curtis, R.N., CDT. Skin Care Consultant CERTIFIED IN PERMANENT MAKE-UP APPLICATION Specializing In: • Microdermabrasion • Stretch Marks • Dark Spots • Acne Scars & Other Scars • Fine Lines & Wrinkles •California Power Peel A skin rejuvenation treatment for you. Call for a FREE consultation now! 248:361.7978 LOSE WEIG11-11"T — GET FIT! Free session with mention of this ad. BARI BECKETT Certified Personal Trainer Featured on TV and in National Magazines Intentional Health Inc. (248) 681-1397 SIMONA A. SEIDERMAN, ACSW, DCSW CHILDREN ADOLESCENTS ADULTS SENIOR ADULTS Anxiety - Depression - Grief - Relationships - Stress b r idge to a healthier (248) 400-3324 (§honna Feldman-Nelson, Psychotherapist .; 700 SASeiderman@aol.com www.intentionalhealth.com . E-Mail: mariaisabel99@aol.com MSW, ACSW, Specializing in: Couples, Eating Disorders, EMDR, Adult Incest Survivors & Chemical Dependency 31000 Telegraph Rd, Suite 150 Bingham Farms, MI 48025 . 248-723-4114 217 Knowles, Suite 200 Royal Oak, MI 48067 } 248-542-9076 Amanda L. Ourwin, M.S., CCC/SLP Speech Pathologist Home Care for Children 248.865.9039 agurwinSI-Pgyahoo.com DeVinney Czarnecki Physical Therapy, P.C. Specializing in Manual Therapy and Exercise Loren DeVinney, PT., O.M.P.T. John Czarnecki, RT., O.M.P.T. 5839 W. Maple Rd., Suite 100, West Bloomfield 48322 (248) 851-6999 Tell Your Community About Your Health Service Here! Call 248-354-5959 al% 11/17 2000 121