Now YoU Know
ti)
• The Jewish Way in
Death and Mourning by
1/4di Maurice Lamm
• A Candle for Grandpa:
A Guide to the Jewish
• IMMO
Funeral for Children and
Parents by David Techner
• A Guide to Life: Jewish
Laws and Customs of
Mourning by Rabbi Tzvi
Rabinowicz
oe • Mourning and Mitzvah:
A Guided Journal for
Walking the Mourner's
-
Path Through Grief to
Healing by Anne Brener
• A Time To Mourn, a
Time to Comfort by Ron
Wolfson
• To Comfort the
▪
Bereaved: A Guide for
Mourners and Those
Who Visit Them by Rabbi
..L. Aaron Levine
7:3
0
cp
who have come to see him, even if
the guest is a leading member of
the community.
2. Speak when you are spoken to:
Shivah is intended to comfort the
mourner. Some mourners want to talk
and appreciate conversation, espe-
cially when it focuses on the person
who has just died. (This is not the time
to talk about your favorite sports team
or how well you're doing at work.)
Others have no interest in speaking
about anything. A visitor must take his
cue from the mourner. If the mourner
initiates conversation, and appears to
want to talk and/or listen, then the
guest may respond. If, however, the
mourner does not say anything, the
guest should simply sit in silence, then
leave at an appropriate time.
3. This is not a restaurant:
Inexplicably, many Jews sitting shiv-
ah apparently feel obligated to
feed and entertain visitors. They
turn shivah into a cocktail party.
Their houses become virtual bars
and restaurants, filled with alcohol
I 4. Stand up and be counted:
and gourmet food, and guests
I It is customary for the community
never come without an appetite.
to hold prayer services at the
Yet this is completely contrary to
house of shivah. A mourner, who
Halachah, Jewish law.
must recite Kaddish with a
In fact, friends and neighbors are
minyan, or quorum of 10 Jews,
supposed to bring food to the
should not have to go to a syna-
mourner. Fearing that a grieving
gogue during shivah.
man or woman would not have the
Sometimes, however, there is
heart to eat, the rabbis directed
a problem in gathering the
that a mourner must not prepare the
minyan. If you can participate,
first meal, called the Seudat
call the shivah house, the funeral
HaHavra'ah, the "Meal of Recov-
director or the mourner's syna-
ery," after the funeral. Instead, this
gogue to see what time the ser-
was to be brought by friends, for
vices will begin.
whom it is a mitzvah (command-
5. Parting words:
ment). During shivah, the mourner
When you are about to leave the
should not have to be concerned
shivah house, you say to the
with fixing either his own food or a
mourner: "May God comfort you
meal for guests. It is customary for
among 611 the other mourners of
the community to provide for all of
Zion and Jerusalem." This is sup-
the meals for mourners during the
posed to be said in Hebrew (the
seven days of shivah.
sentence can be found in most
In making a shivah call, your
prayer books), but if you cannot
thoughts should not be on coming
read Hebrew, it's perfectly fine to
to get free food, but to give spiritu-
recite the line in English. ❑
al and psychological support.
Actors Aral Gribble and
Carey Crim are seen
during a "talk-back" with:V‘
the audience following
a performance of
"I Was Just Kidding.'
Words
From
Elizabeth Applebaum
AppleTree Editor
%a am
11/10
2000
76
Wise
rebellious teen-aged granddaughter. Other
Jewish Ensemble Theater Youth Edu-
future
traveling shows will include The
cation Services play, I Was Just
Diary of Anne Frank and Dear Esther, the
Kidding, tells the story of how
true
story of Esther Turner Raab's escape
I words can wound someone even when
from the Sobibor death camp.
you're "just kidding."
Assisting the schools' program, a JET
Created for elementary-school students,
YES fund-raiser, "Crimes of Fashion," will
I the play has just finishing touring schools
1 throughout metro Detroit, courtesy of spon- 1 be held 7-9 p.m. Sunday, Nov. 12, in
the Neiman Marcus store at Somerset
1 sor Mead Lexus, and will run again April
1 Collection, Troy. The evening features a
30-May 1 8. Following performances are
game with theater clues, prizes from
"talk-back" sessions, when actors and stu-
Neiman Marcus, dining and shopping.
dents discuss issues raised by the play.
Tickets cost S50, including dinner, and
I A second touring JET YES production is
may be ordered by calling the JET office,
1 Shades of Grey, focusing on an elderly
(248) 788-2900. ❑
1 man for whom tradition is vital, and his
Aolownwititt