university musical society

Marriage Matters

LOVE

from page 105

Sunday, September 24, 4 PM

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PROGRAM

A Tribute to Jascha Heifetz:

Celebrating the 100th Anniversary

of His Birth

Presen-mor a Lastin , Promise

Joel Crohn:
"Part of what
we learned is
that by teaching
people to
communicate
more effectively,
sometimes they
don't even have
to get to the
conflict resolution
stage — because
they just wanted
to be heard."

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Joel Crohn Howard Jr. Markman
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tit our
Expanded
Classified
Section
of

DETROIT
JEWISH NEWS

JN: What are the major issues that
cause problems in marriages?
JC: Sex, money, communication, in-
laws. It changes at different points in
relationships. In-laws are bigger early
on; money becomes bigger later on,
as does sex. The kind of major prob-
lems change as the relationship devel-
ops. You can apply the skills to no
matter what the issues are.

JN: You write that we need a book
to help Jewish marriages because
they are in trouble. Are there any
stresses that are exclusive to Jewish
marriages today?
JC: It's like what Rabbi Harold
Schulweis (who wrote the introduc-
tion to Fi ghting for Your Jewish.
Marriage) has said, "What you have
to remember when you write about
Jews is that Jews are like everyone
else, only more so."
We are subject to the same stres-
sors as other modern families in isola-
tion: the hurriedness, the two-parent

Brenda Strausz is a psychotherapist in
practice at the Center for Creative
Living in Royal Oak. She specializes in
personal growth and relationships.

working family, all of these things. It
is also that we have incredibly high
expectations of ourselves, and we are
more prone to either expecting things
that are not realistic or being disap-
pointed in ourselves or our partners
because we expect a lot. We have to
make decisions now that our parents
didn't have to.
One of the things this book can do
is to give couples a framework to dis-
cuss differences religiously and in
terms of communal affiliations in a
way that will help them have richer
marriages and stronger Jewish identi-
ties.

JN: You cite research spanning 20
years that shows that divorce rates
can be reduced by as much as 50
percent in couples who learn and use
the techniques and perspectives
taught in this book. Which tech-
niques are most important?
JC: Learning communication skills
and conflict resolution, which are
really tied together. Part of what we
learned is that by teaching people tc
communicate more effectively, some
times they don't even have to get to
the conflict resolution stage —