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DEBRA B. DARVICK

Special to the SourceBook

r m i n g

Jewish life-cycle events

f, as Shakespeare wrote, "Sleep knits

up the raveled sleave of care,

"

Judaism's life-cycle events are the
loom upon which Jewish life is
woven, binding family to family,
generation to generation.
From the covenantal ceremony of brit
mila (circumcision) to the eternal cycle of
Kaddish (mourner's prayer), the Jewish
structure of recognizing life's milestones
enables us to connect not only with one
another in the here and now but with those
who have gone before us.
When my husband, Martin, and I
moved to Michigan, what seems an unbe-
lievable 16 years ago now, I was nine
months pregnant with our first child. I
dreaded giving birth to a boy because I was
convinced that any brit celebration here
would be a pale imitation of what we
would have had back in New York.
Wrong.
Come the eighth day, close family flew
in and the Jewish neighbors we had met
here skipped work and arrived bearing food
and gifts. Even the [non-Jewish] neighbor

10 • sourcebook 2000 • jn

who sold us this house was there, holding
my hand as the mohel did his deed.
Instead of isolation, my husband and I
were surrounded with caring and joy. I
doubt the ceremony would have held as
profound a lesson had we remained in New
York.
Parenthood's first life-cycle celebration
taught me that however isolated you think
you are, tap into Jewish life and you tap
into sustenance.
As I write, the box holding the RSVP
cards to my daughter Emma's bat mitzvah
are within arm's reach. While I had
approached reaching the same simcha for
my son Elliot with a fervor bordering on
the maniacal, I feel much more laid back
this time around.
I know my daughter will do fine. I know
that if some details slip by, no one will
notice but me. I'm working hard not to fix-
ate on a member of my nuclear family who
will only be with us Saturday, focusing
instead on the friends we thought wouldn't
come at all, but who have marked the
Friday, Saturday and Sunday boxes on their