Pulau Ti ga: The island.

disproportionate to the Jewish per-
centage of the general population,
which is closer to 2 percent, says
Morrison.
OK, Barry, but what about the
stereotypes, that Jews are not so handy
with hands-on work. Having no Jews
on this treasured island of brawn and
battles "may play into the stereotypes
of Jews not being physically inclined,"
he concedes.
"You may think of Samson, [Bill]
Goldberg and Mark Spitz," he says of
the strongman, the wrestler and the
swimmer, as physical icons, "but for
the most part, they might be isolated
,5
cases.
So Survivor may be stereotyping
Jews by having none?
Unintentionally, says
Morrison. "I don't see it as
deliberate, though."
"Oh, please," says
Michigan ADL Director Don
Cohen when asked for his
response to the lack of Jews on
Survivor. "The show doesn't rate a
comment out of this office. As I'm
sure my colleague would agree, we're
more interested in the message being
sent with having a Jewish vice presi-
dential nominee than we've ever been
concerned about Jewish representation
on an island."

Rabbinic Response

Also deliberating on the topic is Rabbi
Robert A. Alper, whose columns have
frequently appeared in this paper.
Alper knows from wilderness — he
lives in Vermont.
"Nothing odd about Survivor," says
the rebbe/stand-up comic of the
absence of Stars of David amid the
starry tropical nights. "Probably just
coincidence."
After all, concedes Alper, "Jews have
a long history of island living. Take me,
for example. I spent the first 17 years of
my life on an island: Rhode Island."
Maybe future Survivor applicants
— round two will take place in
Australia later this year — should take
the following list under advisement for

the (mythical) CBS Cable version —
Jewish. Survivor! — in which, accord-
ing to a report circulating on the
Web, "18 Jews are put in a rwo-bed-
room, non-rent-controlled apartment
(not a sublet) on the Upper West
Side of New York.
"Each week, they vote out one of
the tribe until there is a survivor who
gets a $1 million trust fund."
And here are the rules:
• No maid service;
• No use of ATMs or credit cards
— cash only;
• No food from carry-out or deliv-
ery (all purchases must be retail);
• No calls to mother for the women
or to businesses for the men;
• Any trips outside the apartment
can only be by foot, bus or subway —
no limos or cabs;
• All workouts/exercise must be
done in regular sweats — no designer
labels allowed — and exercise must be
more than channel changing;
• Nothing from Zabar's allowed;
• No "Jewish geography";
• TV allowed, but no cable;
• No New York Times, only the New
York Post;
• On Jewish holidays, tribe
members can take day off
but must actually go to
shul;
• Any member check-
ing on stock-market
investments is immediate-
ly excluded;
• Team members must
construct their own furniture
with only a hammer, saw and nails —
no Pottery Barn catalogs allowed;
• Team members must dress for all
meals — they must, of course, do
their own nails, hair and makeup;
however, an emergency stylist and
manicurist is on call for bad hair days
and nail emergencies (limited to one
visit per tribe member per week);
• There is only one phone line for
all tribe members and no call can last
for more than three minutes;
• All maintenance problems must
be resolved by the tribe without help
from any non-Jew or from the build-
ing superintendent if, by chance, he is
a member of the tribe.
Gee, I feel much better.
In fact, I'm going to apply right
away — as soon as the heat goes down
a little and I can go out without
sweating.

❑

The final episode of Survivor
airs 8 p.m. Wednesday, Aug. 23,
on CBS.

How To Survive

Jewish authors David Borgenicht and Joshua Piven
want you to know how to survive snake bites, bear
attacks and other worst-case scenarios.

ANDREW
SILOW-CARROLL
Special to the Jewish. News

A

new flood is fore-
told. In five days
the Heavens will open
and the world will be
wiped out. The dalai
lama addresses the
world's Buddhists and
says, 'Meditate and pre-
pare for the next rein-
carnation." The pope
tells Catholics, "Confess
. your sins and pray." The
Chief Rabbi of Israel
goes on TV and says,
"We have five days to
learn to live under
water!"
Jews like to portray
themselves as history's
great survivalists, ingen-
ious and adaptable in
the face of danger.
There's Joseph saving
himself and the Jewish
people by pretending
he's a maven on
Egyptian agriculture.
Rabbi Akiva smuggling
himself out of a
besieged Jerusalem in a
casket. Ehud Barak,
disguised as a woman
and carrying a purse
packed with explosives,
wreaking revenge on
those responsible for
the Munich Olympic
massacre.
And, of course,
there's David
Borgenicht, punching
an alligator in the nose
and living to tell the
tale. Borgenicht may
not make most people's
short list of Jewish
heroes, but then,
Joseph, Akiva and Barak
don't have a best-selling
book with close to
500,000 copies in print.
Borgenicht, with
Joshua Piven, is the co-
author of The Worst-

Case Scenario Survival
the great Jewish sur-
Handbook (Chronicle
vivalist spirit of, say,
Books; $14.95), a slim
Moses Maimonides, the
collection of tips for
12th-century sage
armchair adventurers
whose talents as a physi-
and paranoiacs.
cian helped him survive
Published just prior to
exile in Morocco, Israel
the Y2K scare, the book
and Egypt.
has been on the best-
The idea for the
seller lists for weeks.
book owes more to pop
In the book,
nature is por-
trayed as a malev-
olent force, with
chapters on how
The
to survive attacks
WORST-CASE
SCENARIO
from bears, sharks,
Sur viva/ Handbook
killer bees, charg-
ing bulls and, of
course, alligators.
Not included is
the classic Jewish
mother's worst-
case scenario tip:
'Always wear
clean underwear
in case you're in a
car accident."
The book is
darkly funny in the
culture than to Jewish
same way that the air-
culture. "I found myself
lines' safety advice card
asking, 'What kind of
is funny: If it actually
handbook would
comes to the point that
Indiana Jones need?' I
you will need to use
had an interest in figur-
your seat cushion as a
ing out the information.
flotation device, then all
But why?
the advice in the world
Showing his cultural
is unlikely to help you.
roots, Borgenicht
You won't find a -par-
answers the question
ticularly perilous biogra-
with a question.
phy to explain the 31-
"Maybe," he asks, "if
year-old Borgenicht's
I wasn't Jewish I would-
interest in survivalism.
n't think of these
He describes being
things?"
conned by a street
Borgenicht also has
grifter and once spot-
thought of A Worst-
ting a mountain lion
Case Scenario engage-
while hiking as the great
ment calendar, on its
perilous adventures of
way to bookstores, and
his life.
a Worst-Case Scenario
And the time he
Travel Handbook, in
punched the alligator he
the works for publica-
was doing research for
tion in 2001. ❑
the book, in the compa-
Andrew Silow-Carroll
ny of a wildlife expert.
is a writer living in
Nor does Borgenicht
claim to be writing in
New York.

VVT

8/18

2000

85