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A conversation with Judge Judy Sheindlin.
ALICE BURDICK SCHWEIGER
Special to the Jewish News
T
elevision's most outspoken judge, Judy
Sheindlin is speaking her mind once
again. This time, however, it's not on the
tube but in her newest book, Keep It
Simple, Stupid (Cliff Street Books; $23).
Written in a format that details a series of familial
complications to which Sheindlin then proffers her
advice, Keep It Simple, Stupid offers practical solu-
tions for modern families who face challenges in the
new millennium.
According to Sheindlin, the nuclear family isn't
what it used to be. "You got married when you were
20, stayed married for 50 years, and raised children
who got married when they were 20 and gave you
grandchildren," she writes in her book.
"Mother's Day and Father's Day didn't look like
the revolving door at Macy's. Everyone had the same
religion and lived in the same neighborhood. It's not
so simple anymore."
Sheindlin's no-nonsense advice follows scenarios
that are composites of actual cases she has heard.
She includes solutions for conflicts faced during
marriage, while raising children and for those facing
post-divorce custody issues.
"No matter what the circumstances may be,
things can be simplified," says Sheindlin. "Life does-
n't have to be difficult."
Among her tips for avoiding court battles:
Women should have their own checking account
and cherish their independence; prenuptial agree-
ments should be routine; people shouldn't start a
second family unless they are prepared to take care
of the first as well.
Sheindlin, also the author of Beauty Fades, Dumb
Is Forever and Don't Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It's
Raining, doesn't rely only on the law but offers advice
from the heart and personal experience as well.
Off the bench, in fact, her life has taken many
twists and turns.
She was raised in a traditional Jewish household
in Brooklyn, where her father, Murray Blum, was a
dentist and her mother, Ethel, was his office manag-
er. Sheindlin earned her undergraduate degree at
American University and pursued her longtime
interest in law at New York Law School.
While still in law school, she married schoolmate
Ronald Levy. Their marriage ended 12 years later,
after they had two children, Jamie and Adam. Soon
after the divorce, she met and married criminal
defense attorney Jerry Sheindlin. Together they
blended their families — which includAis three
children from a previous marriage.
A decade into the marriage, she wasn't happy and
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Supreme Court, is now the officiating judge on TV's
The People's Court.
Recently, Judge Judy spoke with the Jewish News
about her book, family and television show.
JN: What do you hope people will walk away with
after reading Keep It Simple, Stupid?
JS:: That in every family or social situation, if you
focus on the issue alone and eliminate the crap and
extraneous stuff, you will get a simple result and it
will probably give you less stress.
For example, if you are planning a wedding for
your daughter or son, the focus should be that the
bride and groom have a wonderful day. Anything
that takes away from that is probably complications
brought about by egos, old wounds or baggage.
The nuclear family has changed and many families
have stepparents. But when you send the invitations,
what difference does it make whose name goes first if
it will create hard feelings? And, what difference does
it make if the stepparents walk down the aisle?
That's at the beginning of life. Now at the end,
say Grandpa remarries. Where is he supposed to be
buried, with the first wife of 40 years or his second
wife of 20 years? The idea is to simplify and ask him
what he would like before it's too late. Whatever his
decision is, it has to be respected.
JN: You say in your book you have witnessed every
family crisis imaginable, from the utterly absurd to the
totally serious. What are some of the most absurd?
JS: The most absurd comes from people arguing over
a set of china, who are willing to spend tens of thou-
sands of dollars litigating over whose china it is. Then
there are the divorced parents arguing over what time
the children should be picked up by the noncustodial
parent, 7 or 7:30. It's a ridiculous waste.
Judge Judy Sheindlin: "The law should be based on
common sense."
the couple divorced. But their separation only lasted
a short time; the pair soon remarried.
Professionally, Judy Sheindlin's career continued
to soar. In 1982, the successful lawyer was appointed
a judge to New York's family court, where she
became well respected in the area of family law.
Then a 1993 article about her in the Los Angeles
Times led to a profile on CBS's 60 Minutes and
caught the attention of two female television indus-
try insiders. From there, it was a short leap to Judge
Judy, currently the No. 1-rated television courtroom
show in the country.
Today, after four years of presiding, Judge Judy is
known as a diva of daytime television. Five days a
week, millions of viewers tune in just to hear her off-
handed remarks and to see her mete out some justice.
The cases involve real-life situations that people
often blow out of proportion, and fans of her show are
familiar with Judge Judy's signature behavior: When
she gets fed up, she will tap her forehead, and mouth
in a strong Brooklyn accent: "Does it say stupid here?"
An offshoot of her fame: Judge Judy's husband,
Jerry Sheindlin, a former justice of New York's
JN: You offer important advice to couples in your
book. What's the best advice you can offer to a
couple entering a marriage?
JS: Keep it simple and don't go to bed angry.
JN: You say that people create all kinds of prob-
lems for themselves. What makes you the angriest?
JS: When marriages terminate and people hate each
other more than they love their children. Also when
parents use their children to get their way and make
a point to maneuver a better settlement.
JN: Dr. Laura Schlessinger doesn't believe in
divorce, unless abuse is involved, and says a parent
has to be home with the children for the children
to be• emotionally healthy. What do you think
about the effects of a mother working outside the
home and parental divorce?
JS: I disagree [with Dr. Laura]. I was a working
mother and stepparent, and we had five kids and
they all turned out just fine. Some of them went
through teenage baloney, but not bad stuff I have
friends and acquaintances who stayed home with
their kids and didn't work outside the home, and
they had all kinds of trouble with their children.
So I think the most important thing that you can
do as a parent is set a good example for your chil-
dren. If you have a good marriage and are two work-