Comm nil;

preserves sensuality by stimulating
curiosity. Men should be sexually
focused on their wives, shunning affairs
with others and pornography — "the
awful images of strangers."
• Subjectivity. Married people should
view their spouses subjectively, "through
the eyes of love," thinking that their
own spouse is the most desirable in the
world. Today, people have so many pre-
marital partners that many become
objective "experts" on sex, readily com-
paring their spouses to others and find-
ing flaws. "We've lost our innocence,"
he said.
• Nurturing. The goal of marriage is
to merge the souls of the couple, mak-
ing one's partner the most special person
in one's world. "A hero is someone who
keeps his wife smiling at all times," he
said. "A heroic women is someone who
takes away her husband's agony and
pain and makes him feel that when he
comes home there's nothing to prove,
that he was born special."
• Passion. A couple must be both
mysterious, passionate lovers and inti-
mate best friends, but cannot do so
simultaneously. The rabbi promotes the
Jewish concept of Taharat haNlishpacha
(purity of the family) as giving couples

two weeks removed from sex
around the time of the menstrual
period, enabling them to become
spiritually intimate in a non-sexual
setting. Lust and desire will grow
during this time of denial, he said.

A Positive Message

People familiar with premarital
counseling agreed that the rabbi
Enjoyin the lecture is Robert Taubman, center, o
presented the Jewish views on sex
Bloom eld Hills, a son of the late Reva Stocker.
in an effective manner.
Dr. Avi Adler, 32, an Orthodox
said. "It is the Jewish view of sex, which
radiologist from Southfield, attended
is that it isn't just for procreation; it is for
with his wife, Beth. He said that the
pleasure. I think that when young Jewish
rabbi, in giving the traditional view-
couples hear that, it's very liberating.
point, was engaging and insightful.
"One of many good points that he
"Most Orthodox people go to
made
is that marriages need to be nur-
Chasan and Kalla' (Groom and Bride)
tured.
He spoke of sex, but also of mak-
classes, kind of a premarital counseling,"
ing
each
other feel special and not taking
he said. "Often a lot of these topics are
each other for granted — taking time to
somewhat covered, but not nearly as
make the marriage grow. I thought that
entertaining as this."
was a very important message."
Lorraine Lerner, who attended the
Dr. Albert Kaner, a retired dentist
lecture, is a clinical social worker with
from
Sylvan Lake, went to the lecture
Jewish Family Service in West
with
his
wife of 44 years, Pauline. "He is
Bloomfield. She offers marital coun-
on
a
crusade
to prevent divorce," he
seling and leads premarital workshops
said.
"I
think
that somebody should do
for couples.
something about it because the statistics
"The thrust of his idea is good," she

c

are so high."
Carole Roberts, an artist from
West Bloomfield, liked the rabbi's
positive message of "telling people
to be good to each other." The
loving marital relationship he
espoused aroused warm memo-
ries of her late husband, she said.
Rabbi Herbert Yoskowitz of
Adat Shalom Synagogue, in lis-
tening to the lecture, was
impressed with Rabbi Boteach's
message. He also found much
profundity beneath the surface.
Rabbi Yoskowitz felt that Rabbi Boteach
was using the sexual example to convey
more universal Jewish principles.
"He is urging by the imagery of hus-
band and wife that people be able to feel
again, and that there also be discipline in
life. But this applies to everything: to
one's workplace, to how one feels about
oneself, and how one can interrelate
with God."
Rabbi Boteach offered this plea to the
audience: "I want to believe in love
again! I want to see men look at their
wives as if she's a gift from heaven. I
want to see women look to their hus-
bands as if he's really a knight in shining
armor." ❑

They Spread Nachas

Yeshivas Darchei Torah recognizes the contributions of three stalwarts.

SUSAN TAWIL
Special to the Jewish News

T

*TN

6/23
2000

hree pillars of Yeshivas
Darchei Torah were honored
on June 13 at the Orthodox
day school's annual dinner in

Southfield.
Jeffrey and Lisa Bell of Oak Park
received the Hakoras HaTov (Gratitude)
Award and Edward Meer of Bloomfield
Hills earned the Bonei Torah (Builder of
Torah) Award.
Darchei Torah, now more than 300
students strong, is housed in the former
Agency for Jewish Education Building
on 12 Mile Road in Southfield. The
school offers a full curriculum of Jewish
and secular studies for boys in grades
nursery through eighth grade and for
girls in nursery through 12th grade.
"Our goal," says Girls Division
Principal Sarah Kahn, "is to develop the
full potential of each of our precious stu-
dents, while inculcating them with good
character traits and a true love of Torah."
One of the school's nationally known
programs is the Chatan/Malka Torah,

Hebrew reading fluency program.
At the banquet in the Michigan
Inn, photos of the students and sam-
ples of their class projects filled every
inch of the hotel lobby's display stands
and wall space.
Parents and friends enjoyed the fes-
tive dinner program, which included a
performance by the boys choir, a slide
show highlighting school accomplish-
ments and a D'var Torah delivered by
Rabbi Avrohom Jacobovitz, a school
parent and executive director of Machon
L'Torah, the Oak Park-based Jewish
Learning Network of Michigan.
The Bells, constantly busy with chesed
projects on behalf of the Jewish commu-
nity, will be moving to Israel this sum-
mer. Their acts of lovingkindness
include initiating and running a wed-
ding gown gmach (free loan program) to
coordinating fund-raisers for Camp
Simcha (a free national camp for chil-
dren with cancer) to involvement in
Chevra Kadisha (Jewish Burial Society).
The Bells, who have four children
at Darchei Torah, are loyal supporters
and school volunteers. Lisa, or Morah

-

Leeba as she is known,
has been a beloved
teacher in the school's
nursery for 11 years.
In accepting the
Fiancee' Gloria Fisher
Jeffrey and Lisa Bell
Hakoras HaTov Award,
and Edward Meer
Jeffrey Bell said: "As much
Jacob School for Girls in Oak Park.
as we've done for the
Meer also gave major assistance toward
school, it's very little compared to what
Yeshivas Darchei Torah has done for us."
renovation and expansion of the Kollel
Edward Meer, the Bonei Torah
Institute of Greater Detroit in Oak Park.
Award winner, is the grandfather of
In accepting his award, Meer noted
both a Darchei Torah student and a
the luck that his support of Darchei
Darchei Torah nursery school teacher.
Torah has brought him: Since making
He was honored at the dinner for a
the pledge, his granddaughter, his
generous pledge of financial support,
grandson and he himself have all
which will be used as seed money for a
become engaged!
"Ed Meer's announcement of his
new school building.
Meer is a well-known community
pledge to help Yeshivas Darchei Torah
philanthropist who in recent years sold
build a new campus reveals his vision
his company, Meer Dental Supply. He
and dedication to maintaining the conti-
and his late wife, Norma, funded one of
nuity of our people through the educa-
the Jewish Federation of Metropolitan
tion of our youth," said board member
Detroit's senior apartment buildings,
Dr. Henry Kroll.
now under construction in West
"Yeshivas Darchei Torah is over-
Bloomfield; the Yeshiva Beth Yehudah
whelmed and extremely grateful to him
preschool building in Southfield, and the
for this magnanimous gesture," he
science lab at Sally Allan Alexander Beth
added. ❑

