c.v.* it. draik it. Serve it. cleat:{. Srit GCS bigkefriKe fa' an ywr parfy !Weds! ac)rdttl t Some wedding traditions date back thousands of years. 77, sa ar ketplace , ROBIN MORDFIN Special to the Jewish News Public Welcome IOC any couples are so Brighton (810) 220-0110 Rochester Hills (238) 656-6000 Warren (810) 983-5405 Chesterfield .8 1 0) 948.2839 Southfield i248) 827-8584 Waterford (248) 738-7736 Dearborn Heights (313) 792-9357 Taylor (313) 291.0360 Westland (734) 721.6700 Farmington Hills (248) 474.1990 Troy (248) 583•1700 Wixom (248) 926-0353 Mount Clemens (810) 792-7630 _ Utica (810) 254-5656 Mon. - Sat. 8:00 - 8:00 Sunday 12:00 - 5:00 Open to the Public No Membership Fee CZ = www.gfsmarketplace.com pH E YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO DOWNTOWN TO GET I ZIP "The best Pizza in Metro Detroit" " Toes on my list... Their Filet Mignon " John Tanasychuk Detroit Free Press January 8th. 1999 • Pasta Specialties • Pizza • Steaks• Chops • Poultry • Seafood • Cocktails OPEN DAILY - LUNCH & DINNER OPEN WEEKDAYS UNTIL 2:00 AM WEEKENDS UNTIL 3:30 AM A Ferndale Favorite Since 1961 OUTDOOR DINING!! 3/31- 2000 t42 C Ancient Customs 051 Italian-American OMO S Family Restaurant Woodward at 9 Mile • (248) 548-5005 caught up in modern times they often don't take the time to under- stand the history of the ceremonies surrounding their wedding. With computer-engraved wedding invitations, e-mail RSVPs, and the four Cs of diamond buying, today's brides and grooms often forget that many of the rituals they prize are rem- nants of old and valued traditions. Marriage is the central event in the Jewish lifecycle, a big ceremony sur- rounded by many smaller ones. In past times, the ceremonies included engage- ments, the negotiation of dowries and the betrothal. Today, while some of these are still around, others have been added, like showers and rehearsal din- ners. Yet they , all seem to be related. Just as in the distant past, today's marriage cycle begins with a proposal. According to Jewish tradition, a pro- posal is necessary in order for a wed- ding to take place, even for those marriages that are arranged. "It's considered very improper to marry without a proposal," said Rabbi Yosef Bechhofer of Bais Tefillah Congregation in West Rogers Park. Ill. "There has to be a proposal and a consent." And just like today, it has long been customary for the groom to give the bride a gift of value, or for both bride and groom to exchange gifts, like clothing, jewelry and fruit. But in ancient and medieval times, the engagement was formalized in a ceremony known as shiddukin, at which the terms of the marriage, the tenaim, were formulated. The tenaim included when and where the wedding would take place, the terms of the dowry, and other con- ditions, such as how long the bride's Robin Mordfin writes for JUF News in Chicago. father would support the couple. And, because it was a binding agreement, the tenaim included the damages either side would have to pay should the engagement be broken. As such, breaking an engagement was a much bigger deal in talmudic times than it is today. In fact, the procedure for release was so difficult that it was not uncommon for rabbis to suggest that the wedding take place so that the couple could be given a get, a Jewish divorce. Today, the tenaim are normally signed on the day of the wedding, so that problems with damages and dowry are no longer an issue. Yet, in some more observant communities the practice of having a parry to cele- brate a couple's engagement, called a vort, with a feast and divrei Torah, has become more common. However, the tenaim are not signed and following a vort, the couple is not legally bound. For those couples that survived the engagement rites, the next step on the road to matrimony then and now is the betrothal, the erusin, which used to rake place a year before the wedding. From the erusin until the wedding, the couple was considered bound together in every respect except that they did not live together and the groom was not yet obligated to support the bride. "Families needed a year to prepare their children for marriage," Rabbi ,,,,Bechhofer explained. "They had to prepare a trousseau for the bride, they had to prepare a house for the couple. And because, as the 11th and 12th centuries passed, Jews around the world were living in increasingly tur- bulent times, the betrothal ceremony became attached to the wedding. The decision was made because the possi- bility that a betrothed couple might be separated had become a strong reality, which would leave them both unmar- ried yet unable to marry anyone else. So, as it has been since medieval times, the betrothal is now separated from the wedding ceremony only by the reading of the marriage contract. ❑ 17