The BIG Story

The Jewish Parent's How-To

Why, and how, to raise your child in a home
filled with Jewish tradition and ritual.

Elizabeth Applebaum
Apple-Free Editor

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observe Purim or
Yom Kippur to foster-
ing a total sense of
Jewish identity in
your child.
He learned much
of what he knows
the old-fashioned
way: experience.
"I grew up in a
very Jewishly
involved, Jewishly
connected home,"
HOW TO EXPLORE
Rabbi Gordis says.
"But when my wife
spirituality AND tradition
and I started to
fF
WITH YOUR. CHILDREN.
have kids, we knew
we wanted to have
more spiritual issues
at the forefront. My
[childhood] home
was observant, but
God was not a real
flourish.
presence in the lives of our family."
"It's like music," he says. "Most
His parents were academics, he
people
in the world are touched by
says, who didn't focus on issues
a certain kind of music. Some like
that would involve talking about
Vivaldi;
some like the Grateful
God. What I wanted for my chil-
Dead, and some like both. There
dren was a world in which the lan-
are
very few people in the world
guage of faith was much more nat-
ural. I wanted a home where we all for whom music is not some part of
the kind of person they are."
had a sense of belonging to some-
And then there are those for
thing, of a reality larger than our-
whom
music is more: both a need
selves.
they cannot ignore and, ultimately,
Rabbi Gordis, who was ordained
a commitment that demands time
at the Jewish Theological Seminary,
and work.
believes that the spark, the yearn-
"Some will make it a point of
ing, for a spiritual life is inherent in
going to concerts, while others will
almost everyone. But it cannot sim-
learn how to play an instrument,"
-ply lie dormant and be expected to

APTHOR. :V

abbi Daniel Gordis says that
Judaism is like music.
When you fill your home
with its history and practice, its liter-
ature and tradition, when you learn
as much as you can and make it an
integral part of your life, Judaism,
like music, becomes a truly spiritual
experience.
Everyone benefits, Rabbi Gordis
says. Parents find themselves part of
a complete and beautiful world,
and their children become passion-
ate about Judaism, too, and then
their children, and so on and on
without end.
He calls this commitment to
Judaism "immersion."
In his book Becoming a Jewish
Parent: How to Explore Spirituality
and Tradition with Your Children
(Harmony Books, $24), Rabbi
Gordis offers both inspiration and
practical instructions for parents
ready to "immerse" themselves in
Judaism.
"People shouldn't just stumble into
parenthood, but instead ask,
'Where do we end up, and how
do we get there?" Rabbi Gordis
says. "We need to consider how
we communicate our love of
Judaism to our children, and not
have a 'take-it-or-leave-it' attitude."
If you're wondering why you
should make the effort, Rabbi
Gordis says simply: because
Judaism is fun and rewarding and
extraordinary (more on that later).
If you're wondering how to be a
good Jewish parent, Rabbi Gordis

10/29
1999

P1044a

Becoming a

E S

Parent

aniel Gordis

(

Rabbi Gordis says. They learn to
read music and study the history of
great composers and compositions.
The more you know and learn, the
more you understand how music is
built and constructed, the more
music really speaks to your life."
Similarly, to create a Jewish home
for their children, parents should fill
their lives with religious traditions
and learning, he says. A Jewish
home is one in which Jewish books
are read, holidays are observed,
and ritual objects are regularly
used. In this way, both parents and
children are "immersed" in Jewish
life.
And Rabbi Gordis says it's a won-
derful life.
Though he hesitates choosing a
favorite Jewish holiday ("It's like ask-
ing, 'Who's your favorite child?"
says the father of three), Rabbi
Gordis finally admits to a definite
fondness for Pesach (Passover) and
Sukkot. Here is how this most recent
Sukkot went in the Gordis home:
"Actually, preparation begins long
before the holiday starts, when we
buy the lulav and etrog. This year,
my daughter, Talia, got her first
etrog box, which made [observing
the holiday] all the more exciting
and special.
"Then comes the actual prepara-
tion of the sukka, which begins right
after Yom Kippur, and there's all the
shlepping the tables into the sukka
and figuring out who we're going
to invite and where we'll be invited.
"We save all our sukka decora-
tions (of course, the older ones
are bent; and they've gotten