Synagogues
Comforting
Words
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G
Minyan leaders bring
more than religious service
to shiva homes.
SHELLI DORFMAN
Editorial Assistant
0
ne-hundred people sitting
in the back yard of a
Bloomfield Hills home
were hardly in typical sur-
roundings for a shiva (Jewish
mourning) prayer service.
But service leader Mark Nemzin
said the outdoor setting made it
much more beautiful. In fact, he is
willing to plan a shiva service "any-
where that makes the family
involved feel a little more at peace,"
often searching to be near "a lake, a
swan, anything their loved one
would have Imanted."
Nemzin and his wife, Ida, head
the Temple Israel Minyan Leaders.
The volunteer group, she says, offers
comfort and "anything that can
make the time of shiva easier for a
family." Originally created to con-
duct religious services, the group
leaders are often called upon to do
more. Ida Nemzin says many fami-
lies who contact her to arrangelo'r a-
service leader "don't know what to
do [for the period of shiva]-and need
help getting the house in order,
planning for paper goods or coffee.
Sometimes they are lost." :
She adds, "Even if they have been
through it before, they may forget."
Working with all of the Detroit-
area Jewish funeral planners, Ida
makes certain that chairs and the
proper service books, even a coat
rack if necessary, have been deliv-
ered. She confirms
that the family in
mourning has a
shiva candle and
may call later to be
sure it has been lit.
With the Temple
Israel office closed on
weekends, the
Nemzins share their
home and cellular
phone numbers with
Temple Israel Minyan Leaders Mark and Ida Nemzin
the mourning fami-
lies, hoping, says Ida,
they are there."
"to bring them a
Occasionally an established
sense of security."
minyan leader "may take a break
In the five years since the
[from leading services]," Ida says,
Nemzins took over, the group of
but they always come back knowing
three or four volunteers and a syna-
it is truly a mitzvah to go to a house
gogue secretary have become a 20-
of shiva and help a family in need."
member committee.
When the temple's clergy are con-
Dan Arnold, a minyan leader for
about a year, has been known to
tacted about a death, those request-
postpone plans when called to con-
ing a service leader are referred to
duct a service, says his wife, Emily.
the West Bloomfield couple.
She describes his volugteer role as
After conducting hundreds of ser-
being difficult,- and says he may
vices, some together with her hus-
return- bogie; y;isibly shaken.. Dan
band; Ida became the group's coordi-
s&atah!,:Of some-
joindi they githici
nator. Mark is in charge of the inten-
thing meaningful to do for others,
sive training offered to potential lead-
she says, and "he feels so,gratified
ers, which involves teaching, practic-
knoWing that .4 family is` ci apprecia-
ing and observing at shiva services.
tive."
"It takes a special compassionate per-
Mark Nemzin says it is not
son to go into that setting," Ida says.
unusual for people to see him at a
The leaders that conduct the ser-
service, then call to request that he
vices are truly committed, she says,
lead a service in their own home.
trudging through the snow in the
In an effort."to take a basic ser-
winter, showing up no matter what,
vice and add a personal touch,"
even when it involves rearranging
Mark says, "in middle of a service, I
their schedules. Once they say yes,
CC
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.
will stop and give a very special
reading, a poem or something from
the Scriptures that is personal to
each family." He says that most of
the other leaders do the same.
Calling the Kaddish (sanctifica-
tion prayer) a very comforting part
of the service, Mark Nemzin says he
will offer to lead it even without the
presence of the traditional 10 mem-
bers of a minyan, not wanting to
deny the mourners their opportunity
to say it. Mark also will help make
arrangements for those who cannot
say Kaddish for the full required 11
months, and if need be, has even
done so himself. He calls doing that
the ultimate mitzvah.
Without complaint, Mark counts
an average of over 100 shiva calls
he's made a year — even on holidays
including New Year's Eve — for four
years in a row.
With more than 1,000 different
homes benefiting from his leader-
ship, Mark Nemzin always keeps
with him .a listing of their names in a
service book,fOr times when he may
see family_ nvirib:ers. of the deceased.
Ida currently organizes about 200
shiva services a year, with Mark lead-
ing many of them. She often joins
him to lend extra family support.
Rabbi Paul Yedwab of Temple
Israel praises the Minyan Leaders,
saying, "The minyan is one of the
most Jewish things we do — Jews
reaching out to other Jews to be a
comfort — the spiritual power of
people for people." LJ
7;
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