One Size Does Not Fit All For Openers Good Intentions Bear Funny Results The Virtual Voter RABBI BOB ALPER Special to the Jewish News I t Was a defensive term back then, something one Jew would chuckle to another after a non-Jew made a silly error. Goyishe kop was the phrase. That's literally, " gentile head." And meaning, "dumb entile." This was not a response to blatant hatred or anti-Semitism; rather, it was a riposte to a benign mistake, used when, say, a Catholic man assumed that while bacon was forbidden to Jews, deviled ham was OK. "Govishe kop!" Jews are, of course, a complex people, with dif- ferences of which even we insiders often lose track. So it's not unusual when someone, with the very best of intentions, makes incorrect assumptions about us. Years ago, I was called to officiate at the funeral of an unaffiliated Jew. Not only was he unaffiliated, bur, it turned out, at the funeral itself there were only two Jews present: the deceased and yours truly. Yet it was truly touching how his family and the gentile funeral director tried to provide a proper Jewish burial. I arrived to discover that not only did every male wear a 1?ippa (skullcap), but every person in the funeral home — from the family, to the visitors, to the parking lot attendants — wore kria ribbons, the black symbols of mourning that are placed only upon the clothing of spouses, parents, children and siblings of the deceased. The above is true, I guarantee. The next one can be verified, if you happen t6 spend a night at the Hilton Hotel in Allentown, Pa. Apparently, the management wanted to provide guests with ample choices for worship. And so, the information book- et placed in the hotel rooms lists under the Jewish heading these three entries: "Congregation Keneseth Israel," Reform. "Congregation Sons of Israel," Conservative. And the last one? "Ukrainian Orthodox." 7 VOTE Should federal law permit the Ten Commandments to be posted in public school classrooms? Yes No Vote on JN Online www.detroitjewishnews.com Results from last week's poll (22 respondents) Do you feel America achieved its aim in Kosovo? Yes (64%) No (36%) ........ Yiddish Limericks * taste ** I wish it could be said about me! — Martha Jo Fleischman "It's almost like an informal Bible study. You don't see that a lot." — Ann-Marie Maitland, one of several non-Jewish Long Island Railroad passengers who listen to a daily Talmud learning class led by about 25 Orthodox Jews on their morning commute to Manhattan. Candice Bergen GRAPIIIIWZ ROLES IN SUPAISM? ( "Howard, a Welshman who runs a Japanese company, is getting an award from a Jewish organization and which is presented by an American shiksa. Dayenu (Enough)! " — Actress Candice Bergen, at a United Jewish Appeal-Federation of New York awards dinner honoring Howard Stringer, CEO of Sony Corp. of America. THATS WE PROVIDE MORE THAN DAILY LIVING ASSISTANCE... WE PROVIDE A COMMUNITY. Friends to meet, activities to enjoy, cultural and religious opportunities – all that makes life full and complete. • JARC INDEPENDENT LIVING SERVICES • Newly expanded • Serving people with any level of disability BY Mendel WELL, WHAT KIND OF AM HARD ANSWER 15 'THAT? ARE TO SAS, HONEY, INc, Tb 61V6 M6 you IT REALL Y PEPemPS OM AN PterTrin CRisiS? HOW YOUR PERSPECTIVE VALVE CAM 800 GET? NAVVY, ARE THERE Fl XED GENDER TAILOR-MADE TO EACH INDIVIDUAL'S NEEDS • notables Rabbi Bob Alper is a Vermont-based stand-up comic and author. JARC INDEPENDENT LIVING SERVICES A girl said, This gown's got no ta'am,* I can't go like this to the prom. I look too young in This dress, and too thin." "Ahf mir gezogt!"X* answered her mom. r WHAT KIMP OF PARENT T see ARE .20U? I ASK 11-1AT KIPS' DIRECT QUESTIONS ROLES HAVE I EXPECT- REMAINED NELP DIRECT SOMEbJHAT A/JSWERSI.. FIXED 0y9 • Professional staff to ensure your family member's life is well-coordinated • CALL 248-352-5272 VirrY FOR MORE INFORMATION. A Jewish Association for Residential Care for persons with developmental disabilities 28366 Franklin Road S outhfield, MI 48034 6/25 1999 Detroit Jewish News 5