Mazel Toy!

Miracle Of

LINDA BACHRACK
Special to the Jewish News

M

ax. Born Jan. 23,
1999. Max Hillel
Jonah Flam is
named in honor of
his brother, Mitchell, another
beautiful baby boy who died 4
1/2 years ago at age 18 months.
Robyn and Steve Flam of
Farmington Hills were present at
Max's birth on that cold, but joy-
ous, Jan 23. Robyn was the first
to hold the baby.
Having witnessed an ultra-
sound, they knew it would be a
boy, although Max's birth mother
didn't want to know. After just 27
hours in the hospital, Max went
home with his adoptive parents,
the Flams, home to a cheerful,
welcoming room that included
some toys and mementos that
belonged to Mitchell.
The story of Max and Robyn
and Steve began last summer
when, after three years of fertility
treatments, the couple decided to
attend a free adoption series at
Beaumont Hospital. "We were
committed to the fertility treat-
ments," says Robyn. "We just
weren't emotionally ready for
adoption. But we decided to
educate ourselves on the legali-
ties."
Finally, they found themselves
at the Adoption Law Center in
Berkley. "We filled out the paper-
work and talked to the lawyer,
but we still couldn't complete the
process," says Robyn. "We need-
ed to write a 'Dear Birth Mother'
letter and to compile a portfolio
of pictures that would provide a
snapshot of our family life."
A phone call from the lawyer
just a few days later precipitated a
whirlwind of events that got the
Flams in gear, ready or not. The
lawyer knew of a potentially ideal
birth mother who was anxious to
choose an adoptive family for her
unborn child.
The Flams hastily compiled a
portfolio, but didn't have time to write
the "Dear Birth Mother" letter, which
typically involves pages and pages of
personal thoughts and reflections.
Instead, Robyn composed a simple

a

i

A couple reaps blessings from two tiny lives.

6/4
1999

hand-written note to the young woman
who would prove to be so central to
her life.
Robyn and Steve waited only a cou-
ple of weeks before they received a call
telling them that they were one of four

families that the birth mother wanted
to meet. They met her at the end of
September, between Rosh Hashanah
and Yom Kippur.
"She asked only one question of
us," says Robyn. "She asked if we were

looking for a baby to replace our
son." That was definitely not the
case, they assured this twen-
i:tysomeching, independent, dean's
list, full-time student who also
held a part-time job.
"I had a gut feeling that she
was going to be the mother of
my child," says Robyn. She just
rang true.
On Yom Kippur, the phone
call came. The Flams were chosen.
"The Book of Life was written
and closed on Yom Kippur," says
Robyn. "We knew we were about <
to be beyond blessed."
For the next four months, Robyn
talked to the birth mother once a
week and accompanied her to all of
her doctor appointments. Since
Mitchell had a chromosomal abnor-
mality, the Flams were understand-
ably nosy about medical histories.
They finally realized that some
things were beyond their control.
Mitchell had proved to them
that it is a sheer joy to be a parent
and that's what they wanted more
than anything.
On the day of Max's birth,
Robyn's main concern was for the
woman who gave her the gift of
life. "I would have done anything
for her," says Robyn. "All she want-
ed was a cheeseburger and flowers.”
She insisted the Flams take their
baby home the following day, and
Robyn hopes to keep the lines of
communication open.
Although Mitchell's short life
was fraught with constant med-
ical problems, the Flams have
some cherished memories of
their first-born. They realize,
however, that for a time they
were totally focused on the day-
to-day responsibilities of caring
for a very sick child. Nov, with a
healthy, gurgling 4-month-old,
they are living again.
"Normal is so easy," says
Robyn, who plans to go back to
work at the Beaumont
Foundation part-time. Steve, a
packaging engineer at Masco
Corp., is a doting dad who ago-
nizes over missing the little things,
"like when Max found his right
hand a few weeks ago."
The Flam family has known loss, but
they also know what makes life sweet.