Join us for the

Fit For Workout,
Fit For A Laugh

and only one shouting..
here is an interest in health
An elderly Jew saw an ad in a
and fitness that is running
magazine that said, "Lumberjacks
rampant in society today.
needed in the Canadian North
(Running rampant is simi-
Woods."
lar to the 100-yard dash,
He flew up and reported
only slower.)
for the job. The 6-foot-3
Here are some humorous
foreman, looking down at
looks at sports and fitness
the 5-foot-2 Jew, explained
buffs.
that lumberjacks cut down
An Israeli university
trees with axes and that this
decided to field a crew team.
takes brawn, which he
Unfortunately, they lost race
apparently didn't have.
after race. They practiced for
The Jew asked to be test-
hours every day, but never
ed. Handed an axe, he cut
managed to come in any bet-
SY MA NELLO
down a tree with four strokes.
ter than dead last.
Editoria I Assistant
The foreman compliment-
The head of the school
ed him then explained that it
decided to send Yankel to spy
wasn't the kind of tree they
on the Harvard ream, one- of
cut down; it was too small. He pointed
the better placing crews. Yankel went
to a monster tree. The Jew went over to
off to Cambridge, hid in the bulrushes
the big tree and felled it with 10 strokes.
on the Charles River and watched the
With that the foreman said, "You're
team members as they practiced.
hired. Where did you get the experi-
When he returned to Israel, he
ence?"
reported, "I have found out their
The Jew said, "In the Sahara Forest.
secret. They have eight guys rowing

JewishEmigration from former Soviet Lands

Since 1972 through November 1998,approximately 1.4 million
Jews have left the former Soviet4inion to Israel and the
United States

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1997

1972

1998

Source: Rotionol Conference on Soviet Jewry

Yiddish Limericks

by Martha Jo Fleischmann

A mare cried, "I hate to corn-
plain,
But, Doc, I just can't take the
pain.
This yontif* I found
Some "horse"radish `round,
And swallowed a whole jar of
chrain!"**

ONIA HAVE TO OPEM THE ARK
THAT SHOULD BE EAS Y , RIGHT?

RIGHT!

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5075 W Maple Rd. — West Bloomfield

The foreman corrected him, "You
mean the Sahara Desert, don't you?"
And the Jew replied, " Sure, now!"
And for those of you who relish
true stories of prowess gone wrong,
here is one as reported in Knuckleheads
In The News by John "Kato" Machay.
After years of sitting back and watch-
ing the professionals do all the work,
some sport fans found an athletic event
of their own: the .5 kilometer Race for
the Motivationally Challenged.
More than 100 armchair quarter-
backs set their VCRs, hiked their gym
shorts over their bellies and headed out
to the event, held near Buffalo, N.Y.
The "runners" were divided into four
groups: Lazy Boys, Cliannel Surfers,
Couch Potatoes and Couch Kings.
Instead of customary water stations, the
course — about four city blocks — was
peppered with beer stops, couches,
chicken wings and free cigarettes.
Despite all the built-in handicaps, the
predominantly male assemblage was
taught yet another lesson-by the oppo-
site sex. Winning honors were bestowed
on two women who tied for last place
with times of 13 minutes 19 seconds. I

With guest speaker
Gail Williamson

of Media Access, a casting
group for performers
with disabilities and
1999 National Mother
of the Year

Gail Williamson's personal and
professional mission is to help the
media create positive role models
for people with special needs
by recruiting and casting actors
who have disabilities. Her work
includes TV shows Life Goes On
and ER. Gail will appear with
her son, actor Blair Williamson,
who has Down Syndrome.

1999/2000 Slate of Officers
and Directors

U6H! 00061Pi-i

LL, I GOTTPI GO

Potv'T WORRY,
NOTHING CAN Go
WRONG

Monday, June 14, 1999
7:30 p.m.
Beth Abraham Hillel Moses

holiday
horseradish

GRAPLIEWZ BY mead

THEY KIJOGO HOW NERVOUS Z GET
ABOUT A LI YA HS, 50 THIS TIME 1

30TH ANNUAL
MEETING AND
ELECTION OF
OFFICERS

sGe

1T'$ A coRTAiNI N DT A SLW 2,I
STOP TRJ 1N6 To PULL. IT Powm

you_ you_

_re- ooDAEss, Z

Poet
THINK VVE EVER sEeiV
'LTHE RASO( So UPSET

-

POSSM T-

I. William Cohen
President
President-Elect H. James Zack
Vice-Presidents Stephanie Jacobson
Carol Kaczander
Eli Scherr
Steven Schanes
Secretary
Sandy Dernbs
Treasurer

Nominated for an additional three-year
term (expiring 2003)
Rosalie Rosen
Ron Applebaum
Eli Scherr
Lisa Brown
Beverly Talan
H. John Jacob
Nominated for an first three-year term
(expiring 2003)
Ellen Labes
Joanne Aronovitz
Ronn Nadis
Claire Fishman
Richard Thomas
Myrna Grand
Joel Kellman

28366 Franklin Road
Southfield. Ml 48034
248-352-5272 v/try
fax 248-352-5279

61 4

19 99

Detroit Jewish News 5