How To Say It With Finesse

These that follow were submitted
11471 henever you are faced
by
Debbie Hitsky of Southfield as
with some of the stupidi-
found
on the Internet. They are "hon-
ties of life (and they do
est"
appraisals
from military reports.
live in every co mmuni Ty) ,
•
Not
the sharpest knife in
try finding a fresh way to
the
drawer.
observe their shortcomings.
• If brains were taxed, he'd
Not only do such observa-
get
a rebate.
tions test our language abili-
•
The
wheel is turning, but
ties and demonstrate our cre-
the
hamster
is dead.
ative way of seeing things,
•
His
men
would
follow
but we also get to strut our
him
anywhere,
but
only out
sarcastic sides without seem-
of
curiosity.
ing too harsh.
• He would be out of his
SY M, kNELLO
A few of my favorites are:
depth
in a car park puddle.
Editor
th
1
Assistant
• He is a few sandwiches
•
This
young person has
short of a picnic.
delusions
of
adequacy.
• The lights are on but no one is
• She sets low personal standards
home.
and
then consistently fails to achieve
• There are some steps missing to
them.
the attic.
• He has the wisdom of youth and
• If he had half a brain, it would be
the
energy of old age.
lonesome.

Quotables

It's nice to feel that someone somewhere cares about us.''
— Anita Fetahi, 22, a Jewish refiigee from Kosovo, about immigrating to Israel.

"When I see Reform or Conservative Jews battling against religious fanatics, I
feel the need as a secularist to support them."
— Israeli author A. B. Yehoshua, on why he joined the Reform Movement to sup-
port religious pluralism in the Jewish state.

• This man is depriving a village
somewhere of an idiot.
• He got into the gene pool while
the lifeguard wasn't watching.
• Bright as Alaska in December.
When you begin to wonder if the
person you are dealing with is in touch
with reality, try tapping your language
resources. You won't get better results,
but you'll feel downright clever. Li

Fans of the weekly comic strip Howz
by You, take note:
Jewish Family and Life, a not-for-
profit organization started by journal-
ist Yossi Abramovitz, is now syndicat-
ing the cartoon under a new name,
GrapeJewz. The organization is dedi-
cated to promoting Jewish awareness
through its online Jewish magazines
and by representing Jewish writers and
commentators.

GRAPEJEWZ

Fans of the feature can expect the same
brand of humor — and the same sharp
insights into the challenges and tensions
inherent in Jewish communal life.
The cartoonist, who goes by the
name Mendel, is a Jewish community
professional working at the executive
level. He chooses to remain anonymous.
The Jewish News helped create the
comic strip a year and a half ago and
was the first newsmagazine or newspa-
per to feature it. The first GrapeJewz
appears below.

BY Mendel

HMMIv1.,. THIS 1$ AM 11\)TERESTIN6
DILGMMA. WE BOTH SAW THIS
OlOCLAIMED BASKETBALL AT THE
5AME TIME — WHO R1Q-IFFU/,L
TAKES PWES5101J OF IT?

to benefit children in

our community who

have special needs and

their families

Topping
The Charts

Fans of Letterman or not, ever gone
seems to have a Top Ten List. These may be
annoyances or frustrations or observations
of goings on in society. Send your lists to Sy
Monello:
smariello@thejewishnews.corii or fax
to (248) 354-6069. Please make sure
your list is in good taste. We reserve the
right to edit or reject items.

Things I'd Rather Not Hear:
1. A dentist who says, "Oops!"
2. An airline pilot who pauses lengthi-
ly after, We are flying today non-stop
to
3. A sales clerk who says, "You've
maxed out your card."
4. A delivery service company repre-
sentative who starts, "About that frag-
ile package we had for you ...
5. A teen who begins a conversation
with, "Now, Dad, don't ger mad."
6. An insurance representative who tells
me, "Well, if you had been covered ..."
7. A waitperson who says, "That was
decaf, I think."
8. The contractor who says, "If we
could drain all that water, we could
pour the foundation."
9. The hair stylist who reacts with,
"Oh, my goodness!"
10. The house painter who asks,
"What antique mirror?"

31

Cartoon Renamed

An extraordinary event

Sunday,
May 23, 1999

Noon-4:oo p.m.

GameWorks

Great Lakes Crossing

Mall, Auburn Hills

•An exclusive JARC
afternoon for the
entire family

•Unlimited play at
the Steven Spielberg-
inspired game factory

Ticket Prices:

Adult (i6 and over) $4o each

Child (4 to 15)

$20 each

FREE

Under 4

Sponsored By

Northern Trust Bank

The Private Bank

The Merle and Shirley Harris Children
and Family Division.

Because every child is part of our community.

Call JARC
(248) 352-5272

5/14
1999

MICS 4206

Detroit Jewish News

5