Kaddish when
mourners may be
doubting their
faith the most,
and the mitzvah
of shoveling dirt
into the grave, as
a physical sign of
closure.
When death
strikes, "kids don't
feel safe or
secure," Techner
says. "These ritu-
als provide struc-
ture that makes
them feel safer."
Some of the
children's insights
in the video are
poignant. For example,
2 one boy explains that his family was
such a good family that God chose
them to care for his baby daughter
while he was on vacation. When he
came back, the boy says, God took her
back home to live with him.
The inspirational force for the film
was Techner, who used his own child-
hood experience as a
springboard to advo-
cate for children and
their right to be
included in Jewish
death rituals.
"When I was 9, my
grandfather, who was
very significant to me,
died of leukemia,"
Techner says. "My
parents shut me and
my brothers out of
the process. I came
home from school one
day and there were a
lot of cars at our
David Techner
house. My grandfa-
ther had died and the
whole funeral had taken place; they
were already sitting shiva.
"Things were done differently then,
but to this day I feel ripped off. I had
no time to grieve or say goodbye. I've
buried a child and a father and had
some sense of closure. Yet I still stand
over my grandfather's grave and don't
feel complete with his death."
When he entered the funeral busi-
ness, Techner vowed he'd bring changes.
7
And he has, by counseling parents
to be open, to provide accurate
information about a terminally ill
loved one and to include children in
all aspects of the funeral process. He
speaks candidly to student groups,
lectures nationwide and has
appeared on major television talk
shows. He's also
written a guide
to Jewish funeral
homes titled A
Candle for
Grandpa.
The idea for
the video arose
about two years
ago when Techner
gave a tour of the
funeral home to
Marx and her
grandchildren
after Marx's father
had died.
"I was bowled
over by his hon-
esty, M arx says.
"I grew up in a family
that didn't talk about death. The
more I understand the importance
of honesty, the more regretful I am
about being so quiet. David opened
our eyes.
Marx suggested making a documen-
tary, saying she'd make it if Techner
raised the money. He approached the
Jewish Federation of Metropolitan
Detroit and received its
backing.
Most of the funds
to cover the $141,000
budget came from
member foundations
of the Educational
Forum for Jewish
Philanthropy.
Additional funds are
being sought to cover
a marketing campaign.
No one was paid
for working on the
project, and any pro-
ceeds will go back to
Federation's Jewish
Hospice program.
"Our hope is that
every synagogue, nursing home and
Jewish day school gets a copy of this
video," Techner says.
— Staff Writer Julie Wiener
contributed to this report.
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Maurice Lacroix
Detroit Jewish News
4/30
1999
7