And The Shoemaker
Should Stick To Shoes

At the appropriate moment, I
here's an old saying among
announced
from the pulpit that we were
Jewish clergy: Rabbis
expecting
two
very special guests, where-
should never sing, and can-
upon
the
two
of
us exited to the robing
tors should never speak.
room
while
the congregation
Now, at first blush, it
sang
a
lengthy
song.
sounds kind of humorous,
We
emerged
in full
but it's also incorrect. After
Festrunk
costume,
shimmy-
all, plenty of rabbis have
ing
across
the
bima
together,
musical talent. In fact, a
just
as
Dan
Ackroyd
and
number of rabbis are second-
Steve
Martin
did,
hips
career people, following suc-
swiveling, hands waving
cessful tenures as cantors.
awkwardly in the air, heads
(Add to that the confusing
thrown back. Then, accord-
fact that some of my col-
ing to my brilliant plan, we
leagues are named Rabbi
RABB I BOB
were
to approach the micro-
Cantor and Rabbi Kanter.)
AL PER
phone;
and in my pure
Lots of rabbis enjoy singing.
Specia 1 to The
Festrunk
accent, I would
Usually, no problem.
Jewish News
say,
"We
are s000 happy to
And as for cantors speak-
be
here!
Because
we are ...
ing? In general, no problem
two
WILD
...
And
CRAZY
... Guys!!"
here, either, especially since a well-
Only I wanted it to be slightly
trained voice is pleasing to the ear,
more elegantly choreographed. I'd be
whether in song or in oration.
generous,
share the limelight, and
But there's some wisdom behind
offer
the
cantor
a speaking part. But
that quip about the division of clerical
just
two
words.
I
would say, We are
labor. A friend of mine, in his first
s000
happy
to
be
here!
Because we are
solo pulpit, tried to convince his
...
two
WILD!"
Then
the
cantor
board that a cantor's presence would
would
say,
"And
CRAZY!"
And
lend needed "soul" to the congrega-
tion. He was getting nowhere in his
campaign, until he began singing
louder and louder during services. Not
unexpectedly, the synagogue leaders
reconsidered; a cantor was hired in
short order.
by Martha Jo Fleischmann
As for me, around 20 years ago, dur-
There once was a rabbit who said,
ing the Golden Days of "Saturday Night
"Dear,
Live," I decided to model our Purim
I really do wish you'd remain near.
spoof after the Festrunk brothers, those
You hop in the warren,
"Czechoslovakian swingers" played by
And all is fahlorren,*
Dan Ackroyd and Steve Martin. Our
Cause once in there, gay Maisheh
cantor and I prepared for the event by
zuch meter**
assembling wardrobes of terribly mis-
* lost
matched plaids and stripes, plus a couple
** 0 go Moses, 7 search for me (literal)
of bulky blue caps with visors.
good luck with the search! (sar-
Rabbi Bob Alper is a stand-up comic
castic idiom)
and author.

T

Yiddish Limuicks

together we'd chime, "Guys!!"
Two words. He had only two
words. Everything went splendidly,
and the congregation was in stitches.
Following a few sashays back and
forth, we reached the lectern. "We are
s000 happy to be here!" I yelled over
the roar. "Because we are ... two
WILD ..." At which point the cantor
shouted his only two words.
What we all heard was, "And
WOOLLY ..."
We never did finish the sentence. P1

Topping The Charts

Everyone seems to have a Top Ten
List. Send your list to Sy Monello:

smanello@thejewishnews.com

or fax to (248) 354-6069. Please make
sure your list is in good taste. We reserve
the right to edit or reject items.

Ways To Know You're "Mature"
fr om Pearl Seidman of Encino, Calif:

1. Getting 10 percent off of purchases
as a "senior.
2. Free coffee at McDonald's.
3. Noting that people's voices are get-
ting quieter, making them harder to
hear.
4. Steeper steps in houses, causing
breathlessness.
5. Steeper streets, slowing the walking
pace.
6. Owning a receipt to prove your
,,
teeth are your own.
7. Chlorine and sun bleaching hair to
appear white.
8. Being aware of the downsizing of
newspaper print.
9. Noting that your character lines are
not as severe as your friends' wrinkles.
10. Remembering that memory is the
second thing to go and forgetting
what the first one is.

"

llowz By You BY Mendel

HI ! I'M WITH NEWJE/A)
PUBLISHING AND I'D LIKE

-YOUR CONGREGATiON To
CONSIDER OUR NEW AND

IMPROVED S1PDOR

WE'VE TAKEN OUT EVEROTHING
1111a 1.5 NOT POLITICALLY
CORRECT, GENDER NEUTRAL OR
H 15ToRICALIJ VER IFIA BLE

TH15 15 ONLY 5 PAGES LONG

THINK MOT
IT, ism/Num-

51-1A13E3A T
SERVICES !

Doghle
your
Mitzvah/

Honor family and
friends on your
special occasion
with a gift
to JARC

A loving way to
celebrate a simcha

A meaningful way
to help people with
disabilities in our
community

• Use JARC place cards
which indicate your
support of JARC

• Present each guest
with an elegant

Home Sweet Home

tribute with your
unique message.

• Use household or
other useful items in
your centerpieces and
donate them to JARC.

• Ask your guests to
mark your simchas with
a contribution to JARC.

• Recognize your
honoree with a special
gift to a JARC home in
his or her name.

• Or your own idea —
we love to create
new opportunities!

To discuss how to

enhance the beauty of your
important day, call JARC at

248-352-5272

28366 Franklin Road
Southfield, MI 48034
jarc@speedlink.net

JARC Does It With Heart

Detroit Jewish News

4/9
1999

5