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Happy Time?

Why is there so much
stress in the bar/bat mitzvah?

rally with the life-cycle territory
they've now entered.
Think about it: They're losing
their baby, their par-
o Jewish ritu-
ents are aging, their
al is as
own biological clocks
ridiculed as
are also ticking and
the bar/bat
their relationships
mitzvah. None is as
with each other —
underestimated, either.
whether still married
With all the focus
or not — is necessari-
on how much the fam-
ly changing.
ily is spending or how
Then, there are all
disconnected they are
those religious ques-
from "religious mean-
tions they haven't
ing," we are missing
resolved since their
the psychological
own adolescence.
drama below the sur-
With this as context,
face of every family's
they are now orches-
simcha. More to the
trating the biggest,
point, we are missing
costliest (no matter
the opportunity to help
how modest they're
make emotional and
trying to keep it),
spiritual use of that
Author Judith Davis most emotion-filled
drama.
and her bar/bat event for which they
After years of study-
mitzvah guide. have ever been
ing this ritual of transi-
responsible — bring-
tion in the lives of con-
ing together and
temporary American
meeting with one face
Jewish families, I am
everyone who is
convinced that a child's
important in their
bar/bat mitzvah —espe-
OSC
and their child's lives.
cially if it's our first —
about stress!
is a rite of passage as
Bar/ at itzvak Talk Rather
than mock-
much for the parents as
ery
or
admonition,
way!
.ny
for the child.
bar/bat mitzvah par-
Moreover, I am con-
ents need support and
vinced that much of the
encouragement. If rit-
stress that parents expe-
ual is humankind's
rience could be made
original form of thera-
more useful — for
py, bar/bat mitzvah
them and for their child
families need help rec-
— if they were helped
ognizing the signifi-
to understand how
cance of this moment
much of it comes natu-
in all their lives, the
value of what they are each doing,
Judith Davis, Ed.D., is a family ther-
and the possibility that this process
apist at the University of Massachusetts,
— of preparation as well as perfor-
Amherst, and author of "Whose Bar/Bat
mance — could contribute profound-
Mitzvah Is This Anyway? A Guide For
ly to the families' long-term emotion-
Parents Through A Rite of Passage."
al health and well-being. ❑

JUDITH DAVIS
Special to The Jewish News

11,6

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4 Detroit Jewish News

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