One Size
Does Not
Fit All

Haggadah Humor
For The Holiday

group, here is the Dr. Seuss-like ver-
sion of the Four Questions:
Why is it only on Passover night
I is that time of year again. The
We never know how to do anything
right?
recipes were dusted off;
We don't eat our meals in
the corners were
the regular ways,
searched for chametz
The way we do on all other
and the desire to bring a
days.
new note to the seder pro-
On all other nights we may
ceedings is welled strong in
eat all kinds of wonderful
creative breasts.
treats,
Always being of a mind to
Like big purple pizza that
help, I have compiled some
tastes like a pickle
Pesach humor that may, or
Crumbly crackers and pink
may not, be interjected at
SY MANELLO
pumpernickel,
timely moments during the
Editorial Assistant Sassafras sandwich and tiger
holiday at your house.
on rye, fifty falafels in pitas,
'5 It was the day before
Fresh fried with peanut butter and
Pesach in Spain and there was no
tangerine sauce spread onto each side
maror because the crops had failed.
Up and down and then across, and
The rabbis had the great idea to
toasted
import some from a neighboring
On whole wheat bread with liver and
country. It was flown in, but due to
ducks
the airport handlers strike, it was not
And crumpets and dumplings and
unloaded.
bagels and lox
Erev Pesach, the people came to the
And doughnuts with one hole
rabbis to find out what happened to
And doughnuts with four and cake
their maror. The rabbis replied, "The
with six layers
chrain in Spain stays mainly on the
And windows and doors.
plane.
Yes, on all other nights we eat all
* An elderly Jewish Englishman was
kinds of bread
to be knighted on the queen's birth-
But tonight of all nights we eat
day. He didn't speak English well so he
matzah instead.
had intensive coaching to teach him to
And on all other nights we devour
say, "I humbly thank your majesty for
vegetables
this great honor." Well, the night
And green things and bushes and
arrived and he was really nervous.
flowers,
It came his turn; he knelt; the
Lettuce that's leafy and candy-striped
queen did her thing with the sword
spinach,
and he stood to make his speech. His
Fresh silly celery (have more when
nervousness drove all the words of his
you're finished)
speech out and all he could think to
Cabbage that's flown from the jungles
say was, "Mah nishtinah halayla
of Glome
hazeh?"
By a polka-dot bird who can't find his
The queen turned to her advisers
way home;
and said, "Why is this knight different
Daisies and roses and inside-out grass
from all the other knights?"
And for the literary-minded in your And artichoke hearts that are simply

SY MANELLO

Editorial Assistant

first class.
Sixty asparagus tips served in glasses
With anchovy sauce and some sticky
molasses.
But on Passover night you would
never consider
Eating an herb that wasn't all bitter.
And on all other nights you would
probably flip
If anyone asked you how often you
dip.
On some days I only dip one Bup-
Bup egg
In a teaspoon of vinegar mixed with
nutmeg.
But sometimes we-take more than ten
thousand tails
Of Yakkity birds that are hunted in
Wales,
And dip them in vats full of
Mumbegum juice.
Then we feed them to Harold, our
six-legged moose.
Or we don't dip at all. We don't ask
your advice,
So why on this night do we have to
dip twice?
And on all other nights we can sit as
we please,
On our heads, on our elbows, our
backs or our knees,
Or hang by our toes from the tail of a
Glump
Or on top of a camel with one or two
humps
With our foot on the table, our nose
on the floor
With one ear in the window and one
out the door,
Doing sommersaults over the greasy
knishes
Or dancing a jig without breaking the
dishes.
Yes — on all other nights you sit nice-
ly when dining —
So why on this night must it all be
reclining?
Hag sameach! ❑

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DAI217..9, ())NY DO THEJ CALL THE
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4/2
1995

Detroit Jewish News

5