Your loved one is dying. How can you help? Ed1ER's NoTe What I Learned W Consider VNA Hospice. We'll help you, your family and loved one continue living life to its fullest. VNA Hospice. "We're here for you." Please call us at 248.967.8365 VISITING NURSE ASSOCIATION OF SOUTHEAST MICHIGAN Providing Home Care & Hospice Seroice, Since 1898 Experience the VNA touch. wuavna.mg TATE FLOWERS (248) 559-5424 F. At . GIFTS OF NATURE WEDDING & PARTY SPECIALISTS FLOWERS FOR ALL OCCASIONS 19799 W. 12 MILE SOUTHFIELD, MI 48076 V Ali- ASTER HEATING & AIR CONDITIONING CO RESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIAL. SERVICE • SALES • INSTALLATIONS . YOUR INDEPENDENT DEALER FOR Michael Levey LENNOX & frrP:iwwW.GLOLINICCOMAIRM ASTER 3/5 1999 BERKLEY W. BLOOMFIELD 788-9073 399-1800 64 Detroit Jewish News MANE Ili Hard 'Tb Stop A 7hine. N. OAKLAND 682-9090 GROSSE POINTE 882-4870 henever my mother calls, my children run to the phone. Sometimes they just nod to her questions (even as I am prompting, "You have to say yes!"), and sometimes they chatter away. As only a grandmother can be, my mother is always interested in their stories of making a planter for lima beans or building a snowman with a parsnip nose. One time my 7-year-old daughter, Adina, said her grandma sounded tired, and I explained that she was just concerned. A friend of hers, Patricia, was very sick and had been moved into a nursing home. The next day, Adina returned from a sale at the Akiva library; she'd had S 2 to spend and bought a book- mark for her grandmother, "and for Grandma's friend who is sick." Both had a picture of a horse that seemed to be dancing in the clouds. When we visited Kansas City recently, my mother asked if we would go with her to see Patricia. I admit I didn't exactly jump at the idea. I was hesitant because my children have never been to a nurs- ing home, and I was worried they might find the sight of so many frail elderly disturbing. We were a large group that day with my mother, my three children and I, and my sister and her young son and baby. But there was more to notice than just that: Both my 5- year-old son, Yitzhak, and my nephew, Elan, wear kippot. We were quite a standout in this Catholic nursing home. Still, for all the fanfare we might have been royalty. A group of resi- dents we had never met and likely will never again see made a fuss over the children. "Darling!" and "adorable!" they said. They offered their hands, trembling and frail. One woman admired Elan's strong grip; another, upon hearing my boy's name, said, "Yitzhak Applebaum. A good name." In Patricia's room, my daughter was charmed to see her bookmark in the guest book the family had at the front. She touched it gently with her small fingers. I didn't know Patricia well, though I know my mother loves her. She was a great drama teacher under whom my mother studied. Entering Patricia's room, my mother leaned close and whispered hello to her. We all crowded alongside the bed where Patricia lay, quiet and fragile, though still with bright eyes. My mother introduced each of us. We made conversation for a moment .or iwo, then it was time to go. The aide explained: "She's very tired today." As we left, Yitz waved goodbye to Patricia and called in his tiny voice, "See you soon!" The other day Adina asked how Patricia was doing. I said she was still sick. Adina said: "She is beautiful." Sometimes I think I know so much about my children: that they could eat popcorn for every meal, that they would rather do almost any- thing than go to bed on time, that they love to draw. But then I see them run when I fear they can barely walk, see them speak poetry when I imagine they struggle to make a bare sentence. And I am astounded, breathless, and I realize I know nothing at all. PI Elizabeth Applebaum AppleTree Editor c/