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FoMenem...

DISABILITY
CAN
TOUCH
ANY FAMILY.

Listen, Dear,
That's Our Song

silence. A long, long silence. Until the
"Look," I said, "that's a bit risky.
he groom-to-be was a med-
wedding coordinator remembered that
Why
not
use
live
music,
a
solo
flute
or
ical student. Handsome,
she had another task to perform.
harp?"
bright, self-confident and
She raced over to the phonograph
If
he
had
longer
arms,
I
suppose,
lie
rather taken with himself
and
cranked up the volume to play a
would
have
reached
ovc.
and his surrounding accou-
particular
selection found in mid-
and
patted
me
on
the
head.
trements.
record.
Unfortunately,
when she set
His
condescending
answer
One of those "accou-
thi
needle
in
the
groove,
she caught
had
the
same
effect.
"Bell,
trements" hung onto his left
the
final
measure
of
the
previous
song.
me,
Rabbi,
it
will
be
fine.
arm as they arrived in my
the
lovely
redhead
began
to
walk
As
Fine.
I
have
two
favorite
study to discuss their upcom-
clown
the
aisle,
the
room
was
filled
songs
on
a
record,
and
we
ing nuptials. Shorter than he
with the sound of Tony Bennett
want to use them, don't we,
so she could gaze up adoring-
singing, "Gypsy woman ..." I I
Sweetheart?"
(This
last
ly at him, the young woman
phrase,
you'll
be
happy
to
was well dressed and unusu-
know, was addressed not to
ally pretty; but it became
RABBI
me but to his fiance. Not
apparent from the outset that
BOB ALPER
surprisingly,
she agreed.)
not too much brainpower
Special to
Okay,
I
thought.
It's your
circulated beneath her flam-
The Jewish News wedding.
by Martha Jo Flesichmann
ing red hair.
This
is
what
actually
hap-
Never mind. Their mar-
There once was a crazy old
pened on the glorious day:
riage just might survive, since they
hound
The
processional
went
smoothly,
shared one important element: They
Whose pranks landed him in the
right
up
to
the
moment
when
every-
were both passionately in love. With
pound.
one assembled beneath the chuppah.
him.
To calm him, they got
That's
when
the
music
abruptly
con-
A take-charge kind of guy from the
A remote cage where not
cluded, with a loud sound similai
outset, this young doctor-to-be knew
A
Meshugeneh
hunt* was around!
fingernails scraping a blackboard a
exactly what he wanted for the cere-
the
needle
left
the
record.
mony, and his demands were, for the
* Idiomatic — lunatic
A few minutes later the ceremony
most part, not unreasonable. Nothing
* Literal --- crazy dog
ended.
The
breaking
of
the
glass.
The
as bizarre as the avid swimmers a few
kiss.
Applause.
And
silence.
Lots
months earlier who had their hearts
/- -
set on my officiating from a diving
board. (I turned them down, though
it would have given new meaning to
the description of marriage as "taking
the plunge.")
"A kosher Columbo, sleuthing to ensure that factories his agency has certified in
But one detail elicited some con-
this pork- and prawn-loving land are playing by the rules."
cern on my part. He wanted to use a
record player during the ceremony.
— Rabbi Avram Feigelstock, describing his role as a kosher supervisor in China.
This took place in the old days, when
/- "CD" meant "Certificate of Deposit,"
"Miami."
and the newest items in the music
— "Richard, 'a Jewish character on TV's "Caroline in the City," when asked
world were the cassette tapes that had
about Judaism's position on where Jews go after they die.
begun to replace the old reel-to-reels.
Vinyl records still dominated.
"What a way to start a day. A shot of vodka taken in a synagogue."

Now or in
the future.

• *

Yiddish Limericks

botables

Rabbi Bob Alper is a stand-up comic
and author.

llowz By You

— Vice President Al Gore, on spending Simchat Torah at a Reform temple in
Palm Beach, Fla.

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