EdItoR's NoTe

R - E-S-P-E - C-T
I

like to present myself as pretty
high-brow. I mean, my parents
did put out all that money for
graduate school where I studied
English literature. And the truth is, I
love good writing.
In college Thomas Hardy was my
favorite author, and these days I
simply won't read garbage books. I
hate romances, cm proud to say
I've never even picked up
anything by Jackie Collins,
and popular horror novels
make my blood run cold.
Magazines are a different
story. When I buy a maga-
zine I want pure, unadulter-
ated junk. I want big pho-
tos. I want celebrity news.
My favorite in this genre is In
Style. Oh, how I love to enter the
absolutely, ridiculously shallow lives
of the stars. Recently In Style pre-
: seated a "report" on a spa 'sit by

. three young actresses who needed
the rest after their "grueling" work
on a 30-minute show that airs
weekly. "Grueling." Yes, surely what
these poor girls do most perfectly
describes — indeed epitomizes —
the very word. Please, someone!
Take up a collection so we can
send these deserving girls back to

the spa — and soon!
There's no real rhyme or reason to
who my children like in In S/ ✓ ie,

though there are the regulars: Halle
Berry, Cindy Crawford, the Spice
Girls. Anyone with too much make-

up elicits a groan.
My 5-year-old son, Yitzhak, also
is drawn to flashy clothing. He
loves bright colors and beads, so I
was not surprised when the other
day, while browsing through In
S le, Yitz pointed to a dazzling
Aretha Franklin and said, "She's

beautiful."
I started telling Yitz that Ms.
Franklin is from our own Detroit,
and then a little bit about her

career. Naturally, I thought of her
great song, "Respect." And then
looking at Yitz, I recalled a recent
incident when, in a moment of
anger, he called me an idiot.
I was mortified (and it was in
front of someone else, which of
course made it all the worse). "How
dare your I harshly yelled, and
promptly sent him to his room for a
10-minute penalty.
As parents, we have every
right to expect our children
to respect us. The question
is, how do we inspire
respect: through fear or
through love?
I had two choices when
Yitz called me an idiot. I could
have smacked him, as many par-
ents do. Yes, I could have hurt him,
I could have bullied him, and

inspired fear.
Or i could acknowledge that a
child, like any other human being,
can be so tired and cranky that he
says things he doesn't mean. Not
that exhaustion excuses terrible
behavior. Indeed, that's why I sent
Yitz to his room and assured him
that the next time he would suffer a
more severe punishment, having a
privilege taken away.
Later that day I sat Yitz down and
told him how much he had hurt me,
and how the Torah teaches us that
we must honor our parents, and
that we don't speak cruelly to any-
one, ever, and especially our fami-
ly. Moments later Yitz began to cry,
and he put his arms around me,
and he said he was sorry.
I could not have asked for more. El

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Detroit Jewish News

51