Just
Jew It

Can a snappy ad
campaign bring
the kids back to shul?

Orthodox Judaism in 1998, just co-
authored The Ten Commandments:
What's In It For Me? with Rabbi
Stewart Vogel. And my own 46-year-
old aunt has more in common with
Madonna than she ever hoped: both
OPHIRA EDUT
are enrolled in kaballah class.
Special to The Jewish News
Consider this: What if young Jews
come to Saatchi Synagogue for the
an a savvy advertising cam-
matzah, but stay for the Musaf? The
paign bring young Jews
Saatchis will have accomplished what
flocking to the synagogue?
some of the most progressive U.S.
If the Saatchi family has
shuls can't. They will bring Judaism's
its way, yes. Charles and Maurice
future right to the temple gates. And
Saatchi, the brothers behind the
it won't be kicking and screaming.
advertising dynasty Saatchi & Saatchi,
The possible risks? Well, rich
recently purchased a London shul.
Jewish traditions could be oversimpli-
The Orthodox synagogue, which has
fied in the fracas. Saatchi-style
vowed to "ban" boring services, is
Judaism could become like so much
named — what else? — Saatchi
fast food — piping hot for the first
Synagogue.
two minutes, but ultimately unsatisfy-
Overnight, British subways are
ing. The glossy campaigns could turn
plastered with slick posters of kosher
5,800 years of history into a fleeting
chickens promising fast, digestible ser-
trend with the shelf life of a Beanie
vices. The 28-year-old rabbi brings his
Baby. ("Like, Judaism is s000 last sea-
own crossover cool; he's a former
son, Amy. I'm studying Icelandic
radio deejay. According to an article
space-age alien spiritual texts now.")
in New York Times Sunday Magazine,
The corporate branding of sacred
"Hype! [the agency behind the ad
space is a bitter pill, too. Isn't there
campaign] figures the Saatchi name
supposed to be separation between
will 'brand' the synagogue as a young,
church and state? Imagine the mar-
hip place to be."
keting mania: Davening at Beit
Sacrilege, shmacrilege. It's the age
Ha'Barnes & Noble, or noshing on
of the brand name, the killer app,
Ma Starbucks' Macaroons. Sales reps
global domination. We should have
demanding 15 percent commission
seen this coming.
from Kol Nidre tickets.
In fairness, though, I'm the first to
It's enough to make a committed,
complain about boring services and
practicing Jew run screaming. Now
dull Hebrew School classes that felt
that spirituality is on the open mar-
irrelevant to my everyday life. I
ket, we should make sure our souls
strayed from religious Judaism
aren't sold in the process.
approximately 30 seconds after I
Who knows? The almighty slogan
unwrapped my last bat mitzvah gift.
could revitalize a sleeping generation
Perhaps in an age of dwindled inter-
of Jews.
est, the sacred and the secular must
People respond to pop culture like
join hands to form a minyan.
well-heeled Pavlovian dogs. If razzle-
The Saatchis aren't the only ones
da77le and a shot of PR springboard
stepping up to the bima. Playboy
us into a deeper, more meaningful
magazine announced plans to print
Jewish life, amen. So let's watch quiet-
excerpts from Kosher Sex, a modest-
ly for now, and see if this is a revolu-
by-comparison tome penned by
tion, or just another crazy scheme.
Orthodox rabbi Shmuely Boteach
But if the Spice Girls record
(replete with zingers like "no chupa,
the "Hatikvah," it's definitely
no shtupa"). Radio personality Dr.
gone too far. El
Laura Schlessinger, who converted to

C

A Walk On The Singles' Side

A woman braves the shvitz
and discovers it's no sweat

pecial to The Jewish. News

0

n a gloomy stretch of Pico
Boulevard here — some-
where you wouldn't happen
to be unless you were look-
ing for Roscoe's Chicken 'N' Waffles —
is a Los Angeles landmark. One that
only recently opened its doors to
women.
City Spa is one of only a handful of
Old World saunas left in America. A tra-
dition brought over by European immi-
grants, "the shvitz" was, and still is, a
place to shmooze, male bond and sweat
out the toxins. Only now can women
see what we've been
missing.
After almost 50
years in business,
City Spa began
admitting women
on Monday and
Wednesday nights.
Last month, they
opened up on
Saturday night to
women as well, and
I've come to see
what this "shvitzing" is all about.
You know you're breaking new
ground when the woman's bathroom
still has a urinal.
I stuff my belongings into a huge
wooden locker and slip into my "toga"
— a green, sheet-like thing that's a few
inches too long for me. With my spa-
issue blue plastic sandals, I look like I've
defected from a low-budget Greek cho-
rus. As unflattering as this ensemble is,
I'm already dreading its removal, which
will leave me wearing only my bathing
suit, an ill-fitting and overly cheerful
two-piece I bought for $9.
Shuffling to the sauna, I think, this
isn't an Elizabeth Arden spa. No red
doors to beauty. There are, however, spe-
cial rooms for working out, charting,
game playing and even a sleep room
filled with cozy-looking cots. Rich
wooden furniture is everywhere.
The sauna area is cavernous and dot-
ted with columns and palm trees.
There's a Jacuzzi, eucalyptus steam
room, pool and the famous Russian
rock room, where the temperature

On the massage
table, Vladymir
is working
me over.

Teresa Strasser is a 20-something writer

and performer living in Los Angeles.

12/25
1998

88 Detroit Jewish News

allegedly can rise to 200 degrees
though I'm told that on co-ed nights it's
turned down about 20 degrees to
accommodate women's preference.
Generally; dozens of conversations —
can be heard, in just as many languages.
Mixed in with folks from Russia, Iran,
Israel and other places around the world
are regulars such as Jesse Jackson, John
Travolta and the Jewish Defense
League's In, Rubin.
Tonight, though, it's just me, a
Russian woman complaining it's not hot
enough, a young man and his son, and a
few others.
I disrobe for my first "treatment,"
which involves being beaten with a large
eucalyptus plant
from head to toe to
melt the muscles.
This is the spa's
most popular treat-
ment and believe
me, it's old school.
Then again, so are
acupuncture and
Jackie Mason, and
those seem to work.
The co-ed thing isn't
weird for long. No
one really seems to care, and the heat
and thwacking of the branch are turning
my mind to mush.
An avuncular man named Jim gives
me a salt scrub, rubbing a rosemary-
scented mixture into my skin until it's
soft and pink. I basically look like a large
hunk of Spam wearing a flowered suit,
but I feel amazing. When I get up to go
for my massage, I realize I have only felt
this way once before, and that involved
the medically contraindicated mixture o
wine and muscle relaxers.
Sure, I do yoga. I light aromatherapy
candles. I take hot baths. But it takes a
lot to undo the ball of stress that likes to
make itself comfortable in my stomach
every morning.
On the massage table, Vladymir is
working me over and I'm so relaxed, I
actually feel like chatting. Why do I
always say the stupidest things when r.
ing to communicate with non-native
English speakers?
"I like to exercise. It's refreshing!" I
hear myself say like an idiot. I shut up
and concentrate on relaxing.
After the rub, I sit in the spa's restau-
rant, munching an apple and talking to
one of the owners, Kambiz Besharat. I

—

TERESA STRASSER