For Openers....

To Drive, Not To Drive
No Longer A Question

T

and in foul, in heat and in cold, in
transition in your life, I joyously invite
hat's it. No more driving
daylight
or
even
at
night?
you
to assume your place of honor in
for me. I've decided to
Congregation: We do, except for
the passenger seat.
quit."
those of us who don't like to drive at
(At this point, windshield washer
It was my 80-year-old
night.
fluid
is squirted festively into the air.
mother on the phone,
Allyne:
Irma,
you
and
In
addition,
persons of Sephardic
announcing a decision she
Fred
can
take
me
to
sym-
background
may wish to stroke the car
made following a couple of
phony;
I
already
have
a
ride
with
a
chamois
cloth, as is their cus-
close calls. I'm very proud of
to
mah-jongg,
and
the
tom.)
her, especially when I hear
bridge game is in the apart-
The horn is sounded. ❑
stories of the wrenching fam-
ment next to mine. Debbie
ily turmoil that sometimes
and David and the children
accompanies diminished abil-
said they'd bring me to tem-
ities among the elderly.
ple next Friday and...
Mom has reached one of
Officiant: Excuse me. We
By Martha Jo Fleischrnann
life's crossroads, making a
RABB I BOB
need
to
continue.
By
the
difficult choice wisely and
AL PER
authority invested in me by
There once was a skunk
with grace. She ought to be
Spec ial to
the
Department
of
Motor
known as keidan
recognized. And so, I imag-
The Jew ish News Vehicles, and with the con-
Whose own scent he took quite
ined a life-cycle ceremony
sent of these witnesses, I
some pride in.
that would go something like
hereby
pronounce
you
"non
driver."
Fun
vytence,* his wife
this:
We
shall
now
cut
your
license
in
two.
Complained,
"What a life!
The setting: Curbside.
Allyne:.
Feh,
it
was
a
terrible
photo
Ich
ken
em
night
takkeh
farlyden!"
Participants: Allyne Alper, a congre-
anyway.
I'd
much
rather
use
my
pass-
gation of her family and friends, and
port.
*** from a distance
an ofhciant, who could be either a
Officiant:
Allyne,
to
confirm
your
**
"I
really can't stand him!"
rabbi (must be licensed) or, in the
new status and celebrate this sacred
absence of a spiritual leader, an autho-
rized representative of the Department
of Motor Vehicles.
Officiant: Allyne, as you face your
white 1992 Buick Skylark with blue
velvet interior and only 19,541 origi-
"The book will have a bit of attitude."
nal miles, I ask: Do you of your own
free will and consent hereby surrender
— Random House publicist Brant Janeway, on the upcoming publication of the
your driver's license and promise to
book, "Jews Who Rock," by Guy Oseary.
refrain from driving?
Allyne: I do.
"I think I've been the rabbi to one of the largest Jewish congregations in the
Congregation: (sighs of relief).
country — the unaffiliated."
Officiant: And do you, Allyne's
— Rodger Kamenetz, in the film documentary, "The Jew in the Lotus," chronicling
family and friends, promise, to the
how he came to understand the convergence of Buddhist and Jewish thought.
best of your ability, to transport Allyne
to various destinations, in fair weather
"Either we put the sites off-limits to everyone but historians ... or we end up
with kiosks selling mementos. There is no way to win this."
Bob Alper is a stand-up comic and
author who will be appearing at 7 p.m.
— James E. Young, Judaic studies chair at the
Sunday, Nov. 22, at Temple Emanu-El
University of Massachusetts-Amherst, on Auschwitz-Birkenau's identity as both a
in Oak Park.
Holocaust memorial and a tourist site.

Yiddish Limericks

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11/20

1998

Detroit Jewish News

5

