EdItoR's NoTe

Answers

Elizabeth Applebaum
AppleTree Editor

to get irritable at around 6:30 p.m.
when I'm tired but still have two
hours until bedtime (ah, if only it
were mine). I also start to lose my
mind when I have a great many
chores to do — and two little chil-
dren with me the entire time.
I have, however, come up with a
few ways to keep my temper under
control, and my guess is you have,
too. Would you please share them

give more thought to the way they
of Iwo years. It got to the point
respond to their children and grand-
where my husband could not work,
children.
and due to his unstable mental con-
If you would contact these people
dition, he could not be left alone
with the children. Then I had Brown- directly, I believe it would only cre-
ate anger, hostility and defensive-
ies, room-mother duties, homework,
: ness. People learn by repetition, so
cleaning, cooking, shopping, car
more articles on this subject would
pools, etc. At last, physicians were
be worthwhile.
able to properly diagnose my hus-

everal weeks ago I wrote a
column in which I described
witnessing a man screaming
at his grandchild in the parking lot of
a supermarket. His wife quietly sat
by. This was no tired, cranky man;
he was out of control, pushing the
child and speaking so harshly I
stood frozen in place.
with our readers?
I didn't know what to do or say,
How to reach me:
but I did manage to copy the car's
E-mail: philapple@earth -
license-plate number. But then I still
link.net
Phone: (248) 354-
found myself perplexed:
infor-
that
6060, ext. 308
How would I use
mation? I appealed to you.
Mail: c/o AppleTree,
27676
Franklin Road,
I could never have antici-
Southfield, MI 48034
pated the response I
Make certain that your
received to this column: I
comments reach me NO
got e-mails, letters and
LATER than 9 a.m. Friday,
phone calls. People stopped
Nov. 27, to be included in an
me in the halls at syna-
gogue, in the parking lot at school.
upcoming issue of AppleTree.
One woman called from California.
Please be sure to SLOWLY spell
She said: "My daughter just went
your name if you call, or make it
through the same thing, and we
legible if you write. Include your
didn't know what to do, either."
city of residence and phone num-
I was surprised by some of you
ber. If you DO NOT want your
who asked me to be more sympa-
name used in the paper, THIS
MUST BE INDICATED. Comments
thetic to the grandfather. Perhaps he
1, was having a bad day, you said,
may be edited for space reasons
perhaps
he
had
just
learned
dev-
HT
#11As a mother, I, too, would be
astating news. Whatever hap-
I pened, nothing excuses his behav-
horrified to witness the situation you
described. I cannot think of any
ior. This was not a man tired and
instance where this type of behavior
out of patience; what I saw bar-
could be condoned. In the past, I
: dered on child abuse.
After a great deal of thought, I
probably would never have
have a plan about what to do in
I approached a stranger, particularly
an angry one. But today I would,
such situations. I will discuss it in
another column in just a few weeks
and here's why.
When I was younger, I cared for a
I But first, I thought you might like to
child
who had a longtime, chronic
see excerpts from some of the
illness (thank God, he is fine now).
1 responses I received. And I need
My husband also was sick; though
your help, again.
we didn't know the illness, it mani-
No doubt every one of you has
fested itself physically and mentally.
experienced frustration with your
children. I know that I'm most likely 1 This continued for the better part

band and prescribe medicine and
he made a full recovery.
During this time, while friends
were supportive, it did get old. I
did not want to continually intrude
in their lives by asking them to run
errands for me. We had no social
life and I was near a nervous
breakdown from dealing with all o f

this.
I, therefore, wish for you to con-
sider the following: Yes, what this
man did was horribly wrong.
Maybe he did do it intentionally, or
maybe he was just a nasty guy. But
what if he was an ordinary person
doing the best he could during a
bad time, and just maybe what this
man needed most at that very
moment was a friend?

#2) As a new grandmother, I
read your article with great concern
over the "temper tantrum" of a sup-
posedly mature adult entrusted with
the care of two little ones. I hope
that by reading your article, this
person will recognize himself and
see the impact his actions have on
the people around him.
Unfortunately, he may never real-
. ize how what he did affected (and
probably will continue to do so in
the future) these precious grandchil-
dren of his. Imagine these children
as adults, remembering how fright-
: ened they were when their grandfa-
' they was out of control.
I can only hope those children will
know some day that Grandpa real-
: ly did love them. And I hope that
their parents read your article, per-
! haps mentioning to their own par-
' ents how hard it is to imagine that
1 someone could act that way and
that those who read the article will

#3) You need to write this man a
letter, telling him that you witnessed
his abuse. Many times I have put
my nose into places where it doesn't
belong to let somebody know that
what he or she has done is unac-
ceptable. When I see an animal left
in a car on a hot day, I call the
police. To let go what you saw
would be a bigger crime than to risk
putting yourself in an uncomfortable
position. If nothing else, think about
how frightened the children must
have been to have had someone
they obviously knew, and perhaps
loved, treating them so terribly.
If it had been your child, wouldn't
you want someone to do it for you?

#4) Recently I was in a similar sit-
uation. I saw someone had gone
into a bagel shop and left her chil-
dren in the car. The store was far
from her car; it was clear she could-
n't even see her children from inside
the store. What I did was write a
note and leave it on her wind-
. shield. It said: "A bagel isn't worth

risking your children."
I suggest you mail an anonymous
letter. Be nice. i do this when I see

a mother obviously losing her tern-
per with her child; I'll empathize
with her, though this can be difficult.
I'll approach her and say, "It can
be so hard with children, can't it?"

#5) I never answer articles in the
newspaper, but I was enraged by
the incident you witnessed. My sug-
gestion: send the person a copy of
your article from The Jewish News.
That way, he will get your point
and, I hope, be embarrassed. ❑

11/20
1998

Detroit Jewish News 101