for Openers...
Only
Unprepared For
Mary Elizabeth Doyle
D
ELLIOTT SHEVIN
'Special to The Jewish News
o you believe in omens?
Back ever-so-many years
ago, as a college under-
grad, I was walking
through the lobby of Detroit's Fisher
Building when my path crossed that
of actor Don Ameche, who was per-
jiprming in a play there. I must have
registered recognition because he
looked toward me and gave a courtly
nod before we went on our respective
ways.
Fast forward 15 years. My wife has
delivered our fourth child, a second
son. Friends and family are eager to
hear what we will call this new off-
, ) spring.
As proud Jews, we have given all of
our children Hebrew names, and he
will be no exception. The new baby's
name is Amichai. It means "my peo-
ple lives." Our intimates utter this
name for the first time. You don't
really need to hear the punch line, do
you?
Do you believe in omens? My son,
the inventor of the telephone!
Amichai was preceded by Avraham,
Shaina and Basha and followed by
Tova, Chana and Yehudah. Hebrew
names all. Well, if you'll allow that
Basha is short for Bathsheva.
You're probably thinking Shaina is
Yiddish for "beautiful." Not quite.
You see, by the time she was born we
-], had spent many restless nights with
Avraham, whose tummy was, without
our knowing it, painfully rebelling
against his milk-based diet. Shaina
was named in the hope that this pat-
tern would not be repeated. Her
name is Hebrew for "sleep."
So here we are with seven children
whose names wouldn't faze anyone in
the streets of Tel Aviv or Boro Park.
However, we live in largely un-Jewish
Detroit.
Remember the routine in which
Jerry Stiller, as Hershy Horowitz, tries
to teach Anne Meara, as Mary Eliza-
beth Doyle, to pronounce "Pesach"?
We have Orthodox friends. They
go by Henry, Alice, Mark, Barbara,
Julie, Murray. Their children are Irv-
ing, Cheryl, David, Josh and Geoff.
Even Moishe falls back on "Morris"
when he heads to work. Is it possible
that these people are on to some-
thing?
Mary Elizabeth would never have
trouble saying "Morris."
We always figured Amichai would
learn to survive in a world in which
only Jews, Scots and Germans could
pronounce his name properly. The
problems that our children's nomen-
clature would lead to didn't really hit
home until we called to refill a pre-
scription which had originally come
from a competing drugstore. We had
only to provide the number, of course;
the originating pharmacy would iden-
tify the medicine, the dosage and the
patient over the phone.
BY
Too
LATC TO STUD
-
aS8010
(A little taste of Yiddish.)
Tsu fil anives zz a bather shtoltz.
Too much modesty is half conceit.
And always half foolishness.
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at a lecture at the University of Michigan.
in the largest
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"Monks like silence. Jews like to yak."
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❑
quotables
Elliott Shevin lives in Oak Park.
ilowz By You
One look at the prescription label
revealed the truth: A lot of people
pronounce Chana as "Shaina."
Avraham's mail comes addressed to
"Abraham." Such confusion is not
limited to non-Jews. The office at his
yeshivah couldn't come to grips with
his decidedly un-Yiddish moniker,
preferring to address his mail to
"Avrohom."
We have, so far, been spared those
who insist Tova's name be supple-
mented with an "H" like Tovah Feld-
shuh; or that the "H" be stripped
from Yehudah's. Both are probably
inevitable.
It's enough to make a person make
aliyah. Or move to Boro Park.
A
C-SleFE N11.51-1AA TLMO,'
commeNTARIEs, qoutRE Goim6
TOL. DVETHLSL.
BRAD
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1998
Detroit Jewish News
5