For Openers...

Only

Thoughts Invade
The Receiving Line

crowd during the service and identify
proud grandpop whips out seven
ne of my all-time favorite
snifflers. When these people come
Polaroids taken in the delivery room? I
cartoons, an old "Wizard of
through the line, even if they are total
usually examine the photos closely,
Id," depicts a minister on
strangers, hug them. As soon as the
nod my head approvingly, and cheer-
his pulpit, proclaiming, in
last person has gone, wash your hands
fully intone, "Now, that's a
several frames, "Love thine
thoroughly. And keep a handkerchief
baby."
enemy!" "Love one another!"
ready in the event you're confronted
* Hunger pains. — It's
"Love is the way!" And in the
by people with a tendency to spray
axiomatic: The longer the
final illustration, as he greets
their words. You can receive a pretty
receiving line, the less
people at the door, he's
good dousing, especially during the
chance that there'll be any
thinking, "This is the part I
springtime holidays, while being
schnecken left when you
hate the most."
wished a Happy PU-rim or a Happy
finally get to the tables.
I actually enjoy receiving
PAY-sach. ❑
Which is why one should
lines and the opportunity to
make certain that the con-
converse one-on-one with
gregants file from left to
the faces in the pews. Like
RABBI BOB
right only. That way, you
most clergy, I encountered
can shake people's right
ALPER
some troublesome moments
hands and, with your left,
Special to
by Martha Jo Fkischmann
early in my career; but quick-
subtlely but firmly grasp
The
Jewish
News
ly developed the skills
their elbows and push them
An Irish rov*
required to ensure a pleasur-
speedily on their way. Try it. (If they're
known
as Horatius
'-----able experience. For the sake of my
moving from right to left, forget the
Exclaimed
in surprise,
younger colleagues, I am happy to
pastry.)
"Goodne,ss gracious!
share some of these indispensable
* Kiss one, kiss all. — Every rabbi
Why, faith and begorrah!
techniques.
has a personal style. Formal, informal,
It's shayn** Sirnchat Torah,
'Rabbi, do you remember my
kissers, huggers, etc. Just be consistent.
And noch a mol***, back to
name?" — A threatening, frequent
If Mrs. Horowitz sees the rabbi kiss
Bareshisr****
challenge, the honest answer to which
Mrs. Marcus and then receives a warm
is "Not a chance," unless you happen
handshake when her turn comes, she
to be Rabbi Kreskin or Rabbi Dale
will not feel affirmed.
Carnegie. One colleague likes to smile
* A final health note. — Most
and say, "No, I don't recall your name,
germs, we have learned, are transmit-
but (heh heh) your faith is familiar."
ted by skin-to-skin contact, especially
He's used that response in the many,
through the shaking of hands. This is
many pulpits he's occupied. A more
why it's a good idea to scope out the
effective approach is to say, "Tell me
what it is," and when they do, look
amazed and exclaim, "Absolutely
right!" The person will walk away
impressed, elated, and, mainly, con-
() fused.
Ugly infants. — Face it. Most
newborns are pretty homely, with
"Do you know why no one ever applauds in a sanctuary after a rabbi's sermon?
their squished red faces and matted
Because he'd give a second sermon!"
hair. They quickly become adorable,
— Temple Israel Rabbi Harold Loss, in jest at the Jewish Federation
but what can a rabbi say when the
of Metropolitan Detroit's annual meeting last week in his

-

tiotables

West Bloomfield synagogue.

Rabbi Alper is a stand-up comic and
author.

llowz By You

BY Mendel

SO, FRUITMAN, .YOU CAN'T COME
(NON TUE.SPA8 13E0105E. (-1..5
5HEM ATZ6RET-, ANN WHAT
EXACTLY is THE MEAM1MG OF
SHEMINI ATZERET?

UM, wci,i.,1115 WHEN we CELEBRATE
LOVE ANY? ALSO LIFE, A MP, VW, UM,
THE LOVE OF LIFE AND, UM, UM,

KNOW, THE HARVEST! BO.g,

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Detroit Jewish News

10/9
1998

5

