OPINION

Can We Forgive Ourselves?

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9/18
1998

essayi and thinkers miss what I consider
elcome to the World
to be a key point: forgiving ourselves.
Series of Judaism. It's a
Sure,
we're supposed to prepare, we're
10-day championship in
told,
for
repentance. We have to try and
which we won't know if
improve,
no matter how hard it might
we've won — by being invited back —
-i,
be.
In
doing
so, we have to confront our
until next year.
transgressions.
Ever read the English
It is, to be certain, a big
part
of
the Yom Kippur sins
show. The rabbis trot out
list? Trust me, you've sinned.
what's supposed to be their
But what about forgiving
best sermons. Newsmagazines
ourselves?
Sounds arrogant. I
like this one put out huge
mean,
is
it
really in our power
issues crammed with holiday
to
do
so?
Isn't
that the job of
greetings and, we hope, infor-
the
Big
Holy
Entity?
mative articles. Many of us
This year, however, I think
frantically send out holiday
we should all do that while we
greeting cards just in time. We
turn to others.
run around calling friends and
I am painfully aware that
loved ones with wishes for a
NEIL RUBIN
many,
such as myself, have
happy and healthy New Year.
Contri buting
failed
to
fully achieve personal
And there's that forgiveness
Ed itor
goals
in
the
past year, because
thing.
we're
human.
We've yelled at
The liturgy and commen-
people we love. We haven't spent nearly
tary is replete with how to go about this
enough time with. them. We've vainly
with others. We are commanded to seek
wanted
a higher salary as a sign of pres-
forgiveness, first from others and then
tige
and
to purchase what we really don't
from God (the former a prerequisite for
need.
the latter). At least, we're supposed to.
Did I need to spend all that time
Lots of Jews talk about and hear about
watching
baseball instead of walking
the concepts. Not many of us act on it.
with
my
wife?
(OK, maybe I should
Take me. It's hard, really hard to call
have
asked
her
to watch the games with
certain people and apologize to them —
me.) How often did I kill time on the
particularly when I don't think I'm
phone at work when I could have been
guilty. But they're angry at me and I
doing a better job? How many birthdays
don't like that even more. So, I usually
of friends and relatives did I not
pick a few people and let my pride take
acknowledge with a call or card? Why
a vacation.
didn't
I take that class, read that book,
Enhancing the experience, a few
do
that
volunteer work or take on that
weeks before Rosh Hashanah, I like to
extra
religious
obligation?
pull out two of my favorite Jewish texts.
At
times,
we've
naively accepted our
One is the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch, the
personal
character
flaws
as "just the way
Code Of Jewish Law, which for cen-
I
am."
Truth
is,
we're
only
how we want
turies has been a handy reference. My
to
be.
favorite chapters are "Laws Concerning
Perhaps we should just recognize it
the Month of Elul," "Laws Concerning
for
the reality that it is. When we slowly
New Yea?' and "Laws Concerning The
accept
that, put our behavior in the con-
Day Of Atonement."
text of our humanity, improvement
I alternate between that and S.Y.
might be a little easier.
Agnon's Days Of Awe, a remarkable col-
Such are my thoughts at this time of
lection of Jewish stories and legends per-
year,
a season always replete with intro-
taining to Rosh Hashanah and Yom
spection.
I express gratitude for still
Kippur.
being
here.
Some I knew aren't. But I
Since purchasing both at a Brandeis
feat
for
next
year. Indeed, who shall live,
book sale a few years ago, my High
and
who
shall
die?
Holy Day season has reached new
To be certain, on balance, I already
heights. I even take the books to services
know that much of the coming year will
with me to peruse as my mind drifts far
be good. There's no other way to live
from the liturgy being recited.
other
than as an optimist. Yet, the awe-
In doing that, as well as reading a
some
thought of not really being in full
slew of submissions for our Rosh
control
lingers.
Hashanah issue, I get a Jewish junkie's
Rosh
Hashanah is about more than
overdose about the Season of Awe.
new
beginnings.
It's about letting go,
But this year, I realized that there's
about
making
room
for what really mat-
still something missing. All these great
ters. In doing so, we create safe space for
Neil Rubin is editor of the Atlanta
our internal peace. For without it, we
Jewish Times, sister publication to The
cannot begin to seek forgiveness from
Jewish News.
others.

W

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