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30 Detroit Jewish News

heila Rose joined a bereave-
ment support group last year
after her mother died, but she
felt like none of the other
participants could relate to her partic-
ular situation.
"Everyone there was
mourning the loss of a
loved one due to illness
or natural death, some-
thing where the loved
one had no choice,"
said Rose. "But it's
hard to sit in a bereave-
ment group knowing
the person you lost
made a decision to
die."
At age 77, Rose's mother commit-
ted suicide, leaving behind letters of
apology to her children. Rose, who
prefers not to disclose the details or
her mother's name (although she
notes, with horror, that her mother
took her method from a how-to book

on suicide), speculates that the suicide
was driven in part by the loss of Rose's
father a few months earlier to cancer.
But she still hasn't forgiven her
mother. And that's where suicide sur-
vivors differ from other mourners, she
says.
"In all other deaths, people couldn't
help dying, but I
still think how this
was unnecessary,
was a waste. My
mother could have
been at my daugh-
ter's wedding, at my
nephew's wedding,"
Rose said. "The
hardest thing for
me to come to
terms with was real-
izing you never
overcome the anger...I'm still working
on forgiving my mother for stealing
herself from us."
To address the unique needs of oth-
ers who have lost loved ones to sui-
cide, Rose is starting a support group
under the auspices of Temple Beth El's

L_\

Temple Beth El
starts Detroit's
only Jewish
support group for
suicide survivors.

7--